This is a three day assignment. Here's what to do:
Choose five dead celebrities to include in a dialogue. The dialogue should be based on the idea that these people are having dinner together at the location of your choice. You can take this in any direction you'd like. It can be serious or humorous. The characters can have something in common or be complete opposites. Your one goal for the piece is to provide insight into each character in the dialogue. Try to make the dialogue relevant to specific traits of the character. For example, if you were to choose John Lennon, you might want to have him talk about World Peace, or finding a "Beatle" in his soup.
Format Instructions: This dialogue is to be three pages in length minimum, single spaced, 12 pt. Calibri font. You should hit "Return" each time the dialogue shifts to a new speaker and insert any stage directions and gestures using italics, like so:
John Lennon: I can't believe there's a bloody beetle in my soup.
Steve Irwin: The gator bites are fantastic.
Tu Pac: Looking up from his plate, and smiling at Irwin. I hear Sting Ray is quite the delicacy around here.
John Lennon: Stay clear of them, Stevie boy, I hear they're bad for your heart.
You can work by yourself or with ONE partner on this assignment. Make sure your paper has the name of the assignment at the top. If you choose to work with a partner, make sure both names are on the assignment. This is due at the end of class on Friday.
Celebrities: Whitney Houston, Osama Bin Laden, Steve Jobs, Gandhi, and Elvis Presley
ReplyDeleteSetting: Osama’s compound in Pakistan. There is a table set in the middle of a large room. The light in the room is artificial. There is a window behind the table but it is covered from privacy shades. The table is set for five people. Each place set has a large plate, silverware, and a cup. As of now, only Osama bin Laden and Whitney Houston are in the room.
Osama: Oh Whitney, I can’t wait for everyone to get here! This dinner will be fantastic!
ReplyDeleteWhitney: It will be Osama! What time are they all supposed to arrive?
(Doorbell rings)
Osama: (turns smiling to Whitney) Right about now! (turns to answer the door. arrives at door and opens it revealing Steve Jobs, Gandhi and Elvis Presley) Hey, how are you all?
Steve: Hello Osama, we are great, how are you and Ms. Houston?
Whitney: Very well thank you! (She enters again carrying a tray of mini wienies) Would you guys like any?
Elvis: Yes! (He takes a couple from the tray) Thank you… Thank you very much! (Gandhi takes one from the tray being polite, looks at it for a second, puts it in his mouth, and makes a face in disgust.)
Gandhi: This is a fine establishment here Osama, how long have you been living here?
Osama: Oh just a few years, been trying to stay out of the public eye.
Steve: Ah, why is that?
Osama: Just reasons, it is a lot more... reserved. I need a more reserved place right now.
Elvis: That makes sense
Whitney: Alright boys, well it’s time for dinner. Come on, come into the dining room and sit down.
Steve: Do you have any apples? I am really in the mood for a nice, juicy Granny Smith apple!
Osama: Sorry Steve, I don’t think we do…
Elvis: What about a peanut butter and banana sandwich?
Osama: (getting annoyed) No, we don’t have that either. What we do have are Hamburgers, cheeseburgers, French fries, and cherry pie.
ReplyDeleteGandhi: That sounds delectable!
Osama: How about some music for this fine feast we have in front of us! any suggestions?
Whitney: Oh, I have my CD with me!
Elvis: No, I’m better. Let’s play my record!
Gandhi: You know, I have always been a fan of Adele.
Steve: NO! An Apple is better!
(Everyone faces him in confusion)
Gandhi: No, I meant Adele as in-
Steve: (covers his ears) Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala! I can’t hear you! Lalalalalalalalala!
(Everyone turns away shaking their heads)
Osama: How about Frank Ocean?
(Everyone nods in agreement)
Whitney: Okay, well now that we figured that out, can we all please sit and eat?
Steve: Yes, that sounds great! (Everyone takes their seats) Gandhi, would you please lead us in
Grace?
Elvis: Did someone say Graceland?!
Steve: No, Elvis, I said grace. You know, like a prayer?
(Looking upset Elvis puts his head down and puts his hands together)
Gandhi: Dear Lord- (Osama looks around in anger as everyone else prays.) Amen! Let’s eat!
(The group digs into the food.)
Elvis: This is delicious! (As he shovels three French fries in his mouth at once)
Steve: Oh no! There is a small crack in my plate…
ReplyDeleteWhitney: CRACK IS WACK!
(The group continues eating without any conversation. Suddenly there is a bang at Osama’s front door.)
Steve: What, in all that is good, was that?!
Osama: (panicking) No one move! Do you hear me! (Everyone nods confirming that they indeed have heard him)
Whitney: What if someone needs help? We have to go out there and see what it is! (She gets up to go answer the door)
(Everyone turns to watch her answer the door. No one notices Osama disappear into the compound)
Steve: Whitney, who is at the door?
(a gunshot is heard from the front of the house. Everyone remaining gets up to see what it was.)
Elvis: Whitney! (He screams as he sees four Navy SEALS at the door and Whitney on the floor bleeding from a bullet wound.)
Navy SEAL: Damn it, wrong person! Sorry Whitney, I didn’t mean to shoot you. We are looking for Osama Bin Laden. Do any of you know where he went?
(Steve and Gandhi point to the back of the compound as Elvis tries to stop Whitney’s wound from bleeding)
Whitney: (taking one last deep breath) And IIIIIIIIIIIIII will always love youuuuuuuuuuu!
Elvis: (Holding her lifeless body) Whitney? NOOOOO! (Begins crying and turns to Steve and Gandhi) She’s… She’s dead…
(Steve and Gandhi cry with Elvis. Screams are heard coming from behind them. Osama is being carried by three Navy SEALS)
Osama: No! You can’t do this to me! (Turns and looks at the others) Which one of you did this?
(The Navy SEALS take him outside. Gun shots and screams were heard from outside.)
Steve: What was that?
ReplyDeleteGandhi: (Runs toward the door) Holy crap! They shot him!
Elvis: What do we do now?
(They all stand around in silence)
Steve: Let’s get the hell out of here!
Elvis: (Dropping Whitney’s body) Elvis, has left the building! (Runs out of Osama’s compound followed by Steve and Gandhi, leaving Whitney and Osama’s bodies.)
this also includes me! kate is just a bum and didnt put my name on it!!!
DeleteThe woman leapt back to her feet almost immediately. “Can I kill the bitch? Oh, can I please?!”
ReplyDeleteThe man shoved her backwards and the slim man that had been holding the door held her arms behind her back.
“You’re too messy, Vic. You know they don’t let you handle the executions.”
“But Des, they look like so much fun!”
“How? It’s boring, they’re not gutting them or anything.”
“Why not? Gutting is even more fun!”
The man sighed and tightened his grip. “Exactly my point.”
“Ten, do you want to do the honors?”
The other large man, whose name was apparently Ten, stepped forward and took the man on the ground by his hair.
“I’ll kill this one…let Vic take the woman.”
A high pitch EEP came from the girl as she spun around, freeing herself from the slim man and shoving him on the ground as she skipped over to the woman. The woman looked up at Vic, growled and spit on her mask. Vic growled back with a mocking giggle and swung her leg back, then sent her foot with what could have been all of her body weight into the woman’s throat. She crumpled to the floor, her gurgling interrupted every few seconds by Vic’s repeated kicks to the ribs.
Gathus winced with each kick and just as he turned his head away, he caught a glimpse of Ten pulling a shining red stained sword from the man’s collar. Gathus buried his head in his hands and stayed as low to the ground as he could. He wanted to help. He wanted to save them, more than anything. He knew though, especially with his injured leg, he didn’t stand a chance against these guys. A shiver spread through his body as her heard the sound of two people making their way through the field behind him.
He fought every urge in his body that told him to stay down and tilted his head sideways, looking towards the people behind him. He could’ve fainted at the sight. The one closest to him and leading the other was the man that had gotten into the king’s masquerade and that had tried to kill him. Gathus remembered his mask as if he’d seen in it nightmares throughout his entire life. One cheek was still wrinkled into a smile, but the mask had been broken. His jaw and mouth were exposed and bloody. Someone had gotten a few shots in on him.
ReplyDeleteBehind him followed the last person he’d expect to see. The boy he’d saved outside of the shop in town, Tristain was his name. Gathus had to clench his entire body to not tackle the both of them right then. No, something wasn’t right here. Tristain had a freshly bandaged cut on his neck, he could tell because it was blood colored. Even with that, though, his body language didn’t point towards his being here against his will. No, Tristain wanted to be here, or was here on his own will, at least. Neither of them had seen him, however, so Gathus peeked back at the house as the two of them made their way to the group.
Gathus winced as he heard another EEP come from the group by the house as Vic bounded towards the masked man. She leapt at him, arms outstretched yelling “MIZZY!” and was promptly met with the man’s fist in her gut. She crumpled to the ground onto her knees, clutching her stomach in pain.
The man bent over calmly and said “How many times do I have to tell you, the name is Miz, and I don’t want to catch any of your diseases.”
Tristain knelt down and helped her up as she coughed and brushed dirt off of her cloak.
“Well, who’s the gentleman you brought us, Miz? I already like him more than you.”
The masked man, finally identified as Miz pulled Tristain away from Vic and stood between them, his back to Vic.
“Don’t associate with her, Luc, you’ll get a bad itch downstairs at the least.”
Why did Miz call Tristain that? Had Tristain lied to Gathus to hide his identity? Or was he lying to Miz and all of these characters to keep himself safe? What the hell was going on? Gathus knew he had to do something, but acting now would kill him, and if he left for backup they might not be here when he got back.
Ten walked up to Tristain, or Luc, or whatever and looked him up and down. He walked around him with his hand to his chin, examining him like he was examining a cow that he was looking to buy.
“Misery,” Ten turned his head to Miz. “Good job retrieving the package. I’m surprised, he’s better built than I assumed. Good call telling us to pick him up.”
Miz bowed to Ten. “I wouldn’t recommend him if I didn’t think he was worth it, Tenacious.”
Misery? Tenacious? What’s with these names? So far they’re all just depressing and don’t sound like names at all. Gathus was getting nervous. He’d been here so long, Eurlus was probably back from basic training and looking for him. Gathus closed his eyes and prayed hard, begging some type of god to let him stay away from this place.
“So,” Gathus heard Ten’s deep voice, “Miz called you Luc, what’s the full name he gave you?”
Luc looked around at the others, all just staring at him, save Vic who was still struggling to get past Miz and to him. Luc kept his eyes to the ground, but answered in a nervous tone.
“He called me Luck.”
The others looked around, from each other, to Miz, to Luck and back. Gathus could assume why, Luck didn’t exactly fit the tone of the names the others had. Ten looked at Miz, who only nodded firmly. Ten looked back at Luc, who was staring blankly at the crumpled bodies on the ground.
ReplyDelete“Very well, Luck. As you’ve probably noticed, most of us have rather long names, so we go by shortened versions. I’d go around and introduce you to everyone, but I’d much rather go through it back at the hideout. I doubt anyone would stumble upon us, but you never know-”
As if cued by someone, Gathus heard a sword being drawn from its sheathe and saw the large, blonde man with a sword and shield come from around the corner of the house.
Eurlus had found him.
“Nobody move! You’re all under arrest for the murders of-” He stopped as he locked eyes with Luc.
“Tristain?”
At the mention of his name, Miz threw Luc over his shoulder and shimmered for a quick second before completely disappearing. Ten and the other larger man followed, shimmering and fading into nothing. As they faded away, Eurlus ran to Vic screaming his battle cry. She cartwheeled out of his path with ease. A dagger emerged from her sleeve as she landed behind him and cut his Achilles tendon. He fell with a grunt as he slammed into the ground. The skinny one, Des, ran over and helped Vic lift Gathus and the three of them disappeared.
Before the last man could evaporate, Gathus yelled at the top of his lungs and burst from the field towards the man. The man sidestepped him, but Gathus grabbed his wrist and spun him using his own momentum, slamming him against the side of the house with his arm behind his back.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
The man swung his head back and Gathus felt his nose break from it. He staggered back and the man spun around, two swords drawn. Gathus growled a low growl and lowered into a fighting stance, gripping his sword and shield tightly.
The man laughed. “You’re really gonna try and kill me?”
“Of course not!”
The dead celebrities that I have chosen are JOHN DILLINGER, AL CAPONE, BONNIE AND CLYDE, AND ROBERT STROUD.
ReplyDeleteJOHN- so how’s everyone doing?
AL- it’s alright just got arrested last week on some b.s
Bonnie- ha-ha Clyde and I ran away never got caught though.
AL- it’s not going to be funny when you get killed
Bonnie- but that’s why you was in jail oh ight.
JOHN- we all know I’m the most famous gangster
Clyde- you really want to get killed.
JOHN- you won’t kill me you don’t have the balls.
Robert- you all should stop and just look at this beautiful bird
AL- oh hush birdman before I make them birds eat you
Robert- and then ill confess what you did too that officer?
AL- you wouldn’t because you’ll be dead
Robert- that’s a good one you got me there ha-ha
AL- hey bonnie when are you going to let me wife that up though?
Bonnie- pssshhh in your dreams Capone
AL- don’t be mean you know you want me I got the cash the looks and the manners
Bonnie- and you’re also a jerk I don’t need a man
AL- if you say so
Clyde- just relax Capone alright?
AL- what you going to do Clyde?
Clyde- shit, I can kill you
AL- you won’t either your all talk
Clyde- try me
Bonnie and JOHN- just relax guys and lets have a good time and drink
AL- yeah your right ha-ha
Clyde- lets go than let’s take these shots
Robert- I don’t drink sorry but I like coke
AL-cocaine.? Or coke cola
Robert- coke cola idiot
AL- call me an idiot one more time
Robert-IDIOT
AL- (punches Robert) that’s what you get birdman
Robert- you’re an asshole Capone
Bonnie- I love you Clyde
Clyde- I know you do
Bonnie- say it back
Clyde- nope
Bonnie- I see how it is (tears)
Clyde- anyways you ready for this robbery we about to do?
Bonnie- when?
Clyde- I don’t know yet maybe in two days
Bonnie- we can’t leave Capone and Robert here
Clyde- they can survive by themselves there big boys
Bonnie- yeah you right let’s do it (whispers while Robert and Capone fight)
AL- that’s enough we had our punches already
Robert- for today yes
JOHN- what did I miss?
AL- me whooping Robert’s ass
JOHN- oh really?
Robert- hell no
AL-admit it
Bonnie and Clyde- (takes a guns out) this is the end for all of you
JOHN- but were already dead? (Laughs)
Bonnie and Clyde- damnittt
AL- hahaha
Robert- I’m going to keep drinking
ALL OF THEM- HELL YEAH.!
Billy Mays; Whitney Houston; Michael Jackson; Amy Winehouse; M-Bone
ReplyDeleteBilly Mays: walks into TGIF and up the waiter area. “HELLO I’M BILLY MAYS AND I HAVE A RESERVATION HERE FOR 5!”
Waiter: looks through seating book “Yes sir, follow me this way.” They walk off to the table and Billy Mays sees the table mostly full.
Billy Mays: HEY GUYS! I HAVENT SEEN YOU IN A LONG TIME! WHERE’S MICHAEL?!
Whitney Houston: I don’t really know, but he’ll most likely be here soon.” Billy Mays sits down next to Whitney. “Seeing how he loves to ‘make an entrance’. Just as that is said Michael Jackson rises out of the floor and moonwalks to the table.
Michael Jackson: “Hi everyone I’m sorry I’m late.”
Amy Winehouse: “I expected this.”
Michael: sits down in the chair next to M-Bone “What do you mean?”
Amy: “Well I told you to be here early, but you said ah no no no.”
Michael: “No I didn’t.”
Whitney: “I remember you saying that too.”
Michael: shrugs “I guess I have selective memory.”
Waiter: walks up to table “So what would you guys like to drink?”
Amy: “Could I have some wine?”
Whitney: “Same for me.”
Billy: “I’LL HAVE A SPRITE!”
Michael: “I’ll take a coke.”
Waiter: “I’m sorry sir all we have is Pepsi.”
Michael: “Never mind I’ll just have some water.”
M-Bone: snickering “What’s wrong Michael are you scared it’s going to burn again?”
Michael: starts to get mad “I’m sorry, but who are you again?
Amy: “Yes I was going to ask the same question.”
M-Bone: “I’m M-Bone…..from Cali Swag District.”
Amy: “And what is that?”
Whitney: “A group that taught me a lot of things.”
Billy: “LIKE WHAT?” music starts to play and Whitney Houston has a big smile on her face.
Whitney: “Come on M-bone I wanna dance with somebody.”
M-Bone: smiles “Alright let’s go I’ll teach you how to dougie!”
Whitney: “Oh don’t worry I’ve got that down packed.” The two get up and leave to go dougie some more.
Billy: “SO I ALWAYS WONDERED DID YOU EVER GO BACK TO REHAB AMY?!?!” before she could answer the drinks came back and were set on the table. Whitney and M-Bone came back to the table and Whitney knocks Amy’s wine on her shirt by mistake.
Amy: “Oh no.”
Billy: “YOU SHOULD USE OXI CLEAN!”
Whitney: “I am so sorry.”
Billy: “YOU SHOULD TRY USING OXI CLEAN!”
Michael: “Well at least it won’t stain too bad. Seeing how the shirt isn’t black or white.”
Billy: “OXI CLEAN WILL GET THOSE STAINS OUT!”
M-Bone: “Don’t worry just dump it in the wash”
Billy: “BUT MAKE SURE YOU PUT OXI CLEAN ON IT FIRST!”
Amy: “It’s okay Whitney, though you stained my shirt IIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUU!” Whitney and Amy stand up and start singing while Billy Mays slowly brings out a tub of Oxi Clean from under the table. He takes out a handle full and throws it at Amy.
Billy: “EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH OXI CLEAN!”
Amy: “What is wrong with you?!?!”
M-Bone: “Dude seriously, relax with the Oxi Clean stuff.”
Billy: “OXI CLEAN-“
Michael: “Shut up! Nobody cares about your Oxi Clean!”
Amy: “Yeah!”
M-bone: shrugs “True”
Whitney: slowly raises her hand “I kind do. I use it all the time.”
Billy: “THAT’S THE SPIRIT!”
Michael: shakes head “Just please apologize to her.”
Billy: “I’M SORRY FOR MAKING YOU CLEANER WITH OXI CLEAN!”
Amy: “It’s okay.”
Waiter: “So what would you all like to eat?” Just when everyone is about to order they see Osama Bin Ladin getting up to leave the restaurant. He stops by their table and has a big smile on his face.
Osama: “Just to let you all know the food here is the bomb!” He walks away and the whole group looks at each other wide eyed.
Michael: “Oh no I think Billie Jean is calling me. Sorry you guys I gotta beat it!” Moonwalks out of restaurant.
M-Bone: “Yeah I have to go teach this uh……girl to a doggie so yeah bye.” Doggie’s away.
Amy: “And I forgot I’m the girl he’s supposed to be teaching.” Hurriedly runs out of restaurant.
Whitney: “Oh no all I have is a million dollar bill and I’m guessing they don’t carry change for that so I have to leave too.”
Billy: “YEAH ME TOO I FORGOT I NEED TO KABOOM MY KITCHEN!” Both get up and run out of the restaurant. It never blows up. -___-
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAdolf Hitler
ReplyDeleteJulius Caesar
Elvis Presley
Napoleon Bonaparte
Vladimir Lenin
Hitler: sits down in the front seat of the table.
Caesar: sits down next to him.
Elvis: sits down across from Caesar
Napoleon: sits down next to Caesar
Lenin: sits down across from Napoleon
Hitler: Welcome friends, well mostly friends.
Lenin: What do you mean by that?
Hitler: Well I happen to dislike your ideology.
Lenin: what you mean Bolshevism?
Hitler: yes, why do you think I invaded your country?
Lenin: If you want to start something you better take it up with my…. (Caesar stops him)
Caesar: I thought this was supposed to be a nice dinner where we can all get along.
Lenin: (whispers to Caesar) I’m sorry; it’s just that sometimes I just can’t stand that guy.
Elvis: you know what could cheer everyone up, some jailhouse rock!
Napoleon: Shut up Elvis.
Elvis: ok.
Hitler: so Napoleon how have things been going lately?
Napoleon: alright I guess, how about you? How’s Germany been since that little war a few decades ago?
Hitler: things have been going really good actually, I personally didn’t think Germany would come back from what I did to it but it surprised me.
Lenin: So Hitler, how did you lose that war anyway? (Snickers)
Hitler: Well, if you really want to know, I made some drastic military mistakes and underestimated some of my foes.
Napoleon: You should have remembered what happened to me Hitler; whoever tries to invade Russia gets their ass beat.
Lenin: Where tough that’s why.
Caesar: I had a pretty big empire too, until after I got assassinated and after that it was all downhill.
Napoleon: well it seems that everyone has been at the head of an empire at one point, except Elvis.
Elvis: Hey, I had a rock and roll empire.
Hitler: We mean an empire that controlled vast areas of land and conquered many countries you dimwit.
Elvis: Well you don’t have to be so mean about it.
Caesar: So anyways, when is that food getting here I’m really hungry.
Lenin: It’s going slower than Hitler’s supply lines!
Hitler: What the hell Lenin, why are you always trying to piss me off!
Lenin: It’s just a little joke, relax.
Hitler: No! I won’t relax! This guy has been sitting here and mocking me all night!
Elvis: Maybe you two should just make a truce and maybe all of the fighting will stop.
Caesar: Elvis, please try to contribute to the conversation without escalating it.
Elvis: But I…..
Caesar: You know what you guys should do, make a truce, then we can finally stop this fighting.
Napoleon: That sounds like a great idea!
Lenin: Sure, I’m up to it
Hitler: Me too, then we can finally have that dinner.
Elvis: What the hell guys I said that exact same thing like five seconds ago!!!
Napoleon: Maybe you should go and sit in the corner for a while until you can learn to act like an adult at the dinner table.
Elvis: But….I…..Screw it I’m out of here.
The dinner comes out and everybody fills up their plates with all sorts of Ham, Turkey, and many other side dishes.
Hitler: Now that that ignorant fellow is gone we can finally enjoy our long awaited dinner.
Everyone says grace and they all dig in.
Jesus- (Holding up the bread) This is my body!
ReplyDeleteJoseph Stalin: Yo Jesus! We’re in TGI Fridays! Put the Italian bread down!
Ringo Starr: Speaking of Italians, where is Mussolini, Stalin?
Stalin: Oh he’s back in Hell. Thought he was too good to come.
John Hanson: Too good? You didn’t try to convince him of equality?
Mohandas Gandhi: Not that he believed in equality anyway!
Jesus: That was a little harsh, Gandhi! Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.
Stalin: (Waving his arm) Oh belyashi!
Hanson: English, Stalin! English! This is America! Not Russia!
Starr: Ah! I got blisters on my fingers!
Gandhi: Blisters? Humph! I got blisters on the inside of my stomach whenever I fasted.
Jesus: I can cure these blisters, Ringo.
Stalin: Don’t listen to him! He was just drumming too hard again!
Hanson: Don’t listen to him? What happened to equality? This is America!
Stalin: Enough with America! You weren’t even the real first president! You’re like William Dawes! Hidden under Paul Revere!
Gandhi: (In a quiet tone) It’s true, Hanson. Nobody recognizes you. It’s all about Washington
Stalin: (turning to Gandhi) Don’t steal my lines, Peaceman! I was gonna say that! Beylashi!
Starr: Life is too short for fussing and fighting, my friends!
Jesus: (gleefully) Ah! Another peacemaker!
Stalin: Het! It’s just a lyric! He didn’t even write it!
Starr: Yesterday all our troubles seemed so far away!
Stalin: There he goes again!
Gandhi: Yes but the man is teaching us.
Hanson: It’s true!
Stalin: How so? I hear nothing but treachery and nonsense.
Jesus: (arms spread) Listen to him. He’s saying that the world could be united once again. There is no need for all these troubles. Life is too short for fighting when there are so many other things humans could be accomplishing together.
Stalin: Oh yeah? Then what about that blister line?
All turn to Starr
Starr: Oh I actually have blisters on my fingers. Got ‘em from the wooden knife handle when I was cutting bread for Jesus here. But nobody cared and I still got blisters on my fingers.
Jesus: Ah! So I could have healed them!
ReplyDeleteJesus waves his arms over Starr’s fingers and the blisters disappear.
Starr: Thanks, mate!
Hanson: I thought you were a Redcoat!
Gandhi: He may be. But maybe he is teaching yet another lesson.
Stalin: And what would that be? On equality, I presume?
Gandhi: Not exactly. He is telling us that it doesn’t matter what country you are from. We are all the same and all one.
Stalin: Beylashi! That ain’t equality! Russians are clearly the better race!
Hanson: Of course! And that’s why America exceeds them at everything right!?
Stalin stands to fight Hanson
Jesus: Gentlemen! Blessed are the peace-
Stalin: Ya already said that!
The other 3 men turn to stare in shock at Stalin
Starr: How dare ya talk like that to our Lord!
Hanson: He gave his life for your…many sins!
Stalin: (Stares at Hanson. Then turns to Gandhi) And what about you? You ain’t Christian!
Gandhi: Yeah…but Jesus my buddy. We keep the peace on Earth.
Stalin: (waving his arm) Ah beylashi! You’re below me! I will go now and rule Russia once again! And soon the world! (leaves)
Hanson: Well at least now we can have a civilized conversation…on America!
Jesus: Yes. There are many things I want to…discuss on that topic. Some changes I would like to make…for the good of the world, of course.
Starr: (looking after Stalin) You know, we never asked where Hitler was. He was invited wasn’t he?
Gandhi: I believe so. But maybe it was for the best and peace of this meeting for him to not have shown up.
All nod and eat their salads.
They all meet up at an Italian Buffet at 7 in the afternoon and have themselves a reserved table just for them since the place always gets packed with people.
ReplyDeleteBiggie: (talking to himself) This is not cool at all I’m about 21 years old dead now resurrected eating with these fools and my used to be partner now enemy this gon’ be a disaster I can feel it.
Bernie: YO! What is good Biggie man I aint hear about chu since what you call ‘em days.
Biggie: Na man I’ve been above heaven killing all ‘em angels ha, ha na mean had these fools dancing.
(Aaliyah walks through the door holding hands with Tupac)
Aaliyah: Hey you guys how you been? (kissing Bernie & Biggie on the cheeks)
(Biggie & Tupac stare at each other)
Bernie & Aaliyah: C’mon guys that’s enough staring let’s just try to enjoy our dinner okay? Let’s wait for Michael to moon walk through the door.
Biggie: (straight forward to Tupac) Look you was my bro back then what changed you was fake just like him. You went behind my back & killed me, player. Man that aint right I always looked out for you, you know who did you wrong you worthless piece of –
(Michael walks in)
Michael: Oh! Hey guys um did I miss anything?
Aaliyah: Oh nothing at all Michael. Come have a seat, join us.
Tupac: (responds to Biggie) C’mon, Big. Yes we was partners but look whatever happened was about twenty years ago we lost our lives at a very young age now can we grow past this I’m sorry for what has happened but up there I’ve seen what has been done to me I can’t remember all but that’s about it now it’s up to you to forgive me or not.
Biggie: Come here brother give the bear a tight hug (Biggie & Tupac hugged each other tight)
Michael, Aaliyah, Bernie: Smiling and giggling. Finally, we can eat!
(Biggie Smalls and Tupac sat together at the table; they didn’t argue at all which was a miracle. Each of them grabbed their own plate and went in line to serve them some food, Aaliyah went first followed by Michael, Tupac, Bernie Mac, then at last Biggie Smalls.)
Bernie: Let’s pray.
They all close their eyes and bow their heads.
Michael: Starts off the prayer. God & baby Jesus thanks for the food on this table and thank you for bringing us closer together. We love you.
Bernie, Tupac, Biggie, Aaliyah, and Michael: Amen!
Michael: looks at Aaliyah straight in the eye. You’re very beautiful and talented did you know that? You shouldn’t be taken off like that, you should stay in one place for some time instead of rushing all of your flights, and you know that’s not good for you.
Aaliyah: Oh, MJ don’t worry nothing is going to happen, it’s not like my world is going to come down crashing.
DeleteMichael: If you say so, honey.
Bernie: Aight, man. Leave the girl alone now. So what’s up Tupac?
Tupac: The ceiling, punk!
Bernie: In a serious voice. You got jokes now don’t you?!
The waitress comes in interrupting their conversation with some very important news.
Waitress: I’m sorry Mr. Tupac but there is someone waiting for you outside saying that it’s really important. It sounds pretty serious you should go check.
Tupac: Alright guys excuse me for a second I will be right back and Biggie, don’t eat my damn food.
Tupac walks out and all of a sudden, gunshots are heard. Everyone ran out to see what was going out but thankfully Tupac wasn’t hurt. Before they began shooting, Tupac tripped and all of the bullets missed him and since he fell to the ground they thought that they got him down.
Tupac: It was three men wearing black masks in a black car, I couldn’t see the license plates at all, man. I gotta get out of here this place aint safe and neither are yall.
Biggie: What are you talking about, man? We were just having a nice dinner and you have to mess things up. Matter-a-fact you aint safe, talking about we aint safe! Shoot, they were after you not us.
Aaliyah: ALRIGHT! THAT’S ENOUGH ARGUING! We are startled here; you guys aren’t the only ones. This could’ve happened to anyone of us.
Tupac: Let it be now I know how he fee-
Bernie: stops Tupac from finishing his sentence. She’s right. Now come back let’s sit down and calm down for a few minutes because arguing isn’t going to make anything better. It’s no one’s fault except for those who want to cause damage.
Tupac: Forget that I’m out this joint.
Bernie tries to stop him by grabbing his shoulder but Tupac pulls away.
Michael: This is a thriller night.
Biggie: Let that m’f go he’s not important. He is always whining thinking everyone after him.
Bernie then started thinking about what happened with Tupac and the shooting and then remembered that the waitress has told him that someone was waiting outside for him.
Bernie: Thinking to himself. Either she can recognize their face or she was in on the whole plan.
Bernie tells Aaliyah to go look for the waitress and tells her what he was thinking about but to keep it discrete since everyone was going to make a huge fuss about it and ruin their plans of capturing the shooter.
Michael: Excuse me for a second I have to whiten myself a little bit. I’ll be in the bathroom.
Once Michael excuses himself and Biggie is on his phone talking to Faith, she and Bernie start the plans. While Bernie waits around she will go look for the waitress from earlier.
Aaliyah: Thinks to herself. Ooh I hope this is a good idea, this girl better not be planning something on me ‘cause I would go crazy.
Aaliyah: Walks into the bathroom like a normal person and starts singing in her mind to ease the tension. It's been too long and I'm lost without you, What am I gonna do? Said I been needin' you, wantin' you Wonderin' if you're the same and who's been with you. Is your heart still mine? I wanna cry sometimes. I miss you.
She later then realizes she’s not alone. She walks in quietly and hears the girl on the phone with someone laughing about the incident. Then she later hears:
Waitress: You sure you got Tupac now?
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ReplyDeleteWhitney Houston; Michael Jackson; Steve Jobs; Marilyn Monroe; Jenni Rivera
ReplyDeleteWhitney Houston: The doorbell rang and Whitney stopped cooking and went over to the door. “Oh goody, the guests are here I hope that they enjoy the dinner I set up.” She reached over and turned the knob. Michael Jackson, Steve Jobs, Marilyn Monroe, and Jenni Rivera stood outside. She gestured them to come in and they all went to the dining room. Whitney sat down and rang a bell that waited on the table. Two waiters entered the dining room. “Please bring the appetizers and tell the chief that I did what he told me too and that the cake is in the oven.”
Waiters: “Will do ma’am. Is there anything else we may serve you with?”
Whitney: “Yes, bring the wine before anything else. You may now go.”
Marilyn Monroe: “Oh, what a beautiful home you have. I’m just jealous trust me I can just steal everything you have in here. I think I will. Now everyone put your hands up and don’t say anything.” Everyone puts their hands up. Marilyn Monroe reaches in her purse and takes out her hand pretending that her hands are a gun. “Ha I got all of you guys. You should have seen your faces. You guys turned very white. If you didn’t pee yourself it looked like you were about too. My next movie I’m going to be a undercover cop and I need to start practicing.”
Jenni Rivera: “Ay, no. Porque? If I would have done anything in this dress I would get up and leave. Us Latinas don’t have a very good temper. You get us mad and this nice pretty face won’t look pretty anymore.”
Steve Jobs: “Trust me it doesn’t even look nice now.”
Michael Jackson: “You guys lets calm down because it doesn’t matter if your black or white. Or in your case Latina or white. Yes Jenni your face isn’t the most attractive thing anyone wants to see. Sorry not even all the plastic surgery can help you. But we all accept your ugliness.”
Jenni: “Well what’s your excuse?”
Whitney: “Let’s calm down we are all pretty and handsome. Now yes the joke may not have been funny….”
Jenni: “Yeah porque no era “funny.”” She said with giving everyone but Whitney a nasty look.
Marilyn: “Well I’m sorry I thought some people in this table could take a joke but now I see that people can’t take a joke. Jenni you do look pretty I think that everyone was just mad because you couldn’t take a joke.”
Steve: “Not even look with this IPhone app it can’t even help the prettiness of her face…….. well I guess I can give you some money to help you……. Here yo….” Whitney kicked him and they stared at each other. Steve continued to look at his IPhone. The table was so uncomfortable that not even a sound was made. Silence was broken from a noise in the kitchen.
Michael: “I think we should all apologize to each other. Even though the joke did thriller. Do you get it thrill her and thriller I wrote a song about that.” He had a nervous laugh. In a couple of seconds laughter jumped out of everyone’s mouth.
Steve, Marilyn, and Michael: “We are very sorry Jenni.” They mumbled. Everyone looked at Jenni and her long nails. Her nails spelled out I AM LATINA!..... Literally.
Jenni: “It’s okay I forgive all you and I will……”
DeleteWhitney: she began to sing: “AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!” She got up and stretched out one of her arms and the other one was on top of her heart.
Steve, Marilyn, Michael, and Jenni: “SHUT UP!”
Waiters: They quietly came in and put the cups down and poured in the wine.” I’m very sorry ma’am that we didn’t give you your wine before it’s just that…I…. got scared. I heard screaming and I thought that if I walked in people would begin to throw the cups.”
Whitney: whispering “It’s okay I understand I would have done the same thing. I’m kind of sorry that I brought these people to come over. Next time I should just invite M-bone and he can teach me how to dougie. I kind of appreciate that Michael is here because he can teach me my ABC’s and it’s easy as 123.”
Waiter: chuckling. “True ma’am.” He snapped his finger and three more people walked through the door. The wine glasses had red wine in them and the appetizers were being passed out to the guest.” The entrée will be out in ten minutes ma’am this appetizers won’t take you that long to eat. Please enjoy.”
Whitney: “Thank you. You all are dismissed.”
Michael: Shoving all the food in his mouth. Ugh I was so hungry. It’s so good. He brought his hand down to see that he had nothing left on his plate. “I think someone stole my food.”
Marilyn: “Well don’t blame me. I might be bad in my next part but I think your stomach must have stolen your food.”
Whitney: Everyone laughs. “Don’t worry the entrée will be out in ten minutes.”
Jenni: “Ay, you need to give me the recipe to this. Even though I ate it in just one bite I really want to make this for my kids and grandchildren. I bet they will love it.”
Whitney: “Of course I will. I helped make it but it was with my grandma’s recipe. I wish she was still here. She made the best anyone could ever ask for.” Tears strolled down her face.
Steve: Begins to laugh. Everyone looks at him. Anger shoots out of everyone’s eyes and just stare at him. “It’s a sad story. I won’t complain it’s just that if a stranger were to see you right now they would be like she’s pregnant. I never thought your feelings would change that quickly. Like go and eat Jenny Craig. She can go and help you. You need the help anyways.”
Jenni: “I’m not Jenni Craig. I’m Jenni…”
Steve: slapping his hands unto his forehead. “I wasn’t talking about you. It’s a program where you eat and loose wait.”
Jenni: “Oh…. There was no need to offend her like that. Now go apologize. Estamos esperando.” Her leg was shaking and her arms were crossed over her chest.
DeleteSteve: mumbling. “I’m sorry.”
Whitney: “It’s heard. I heard anyways from some little birdies you are having a little trouble. It’s okay you just took you anger out on me.” The waiters entered the room again. They put the entrees in front of everyone. Whitney called the main one.
Waiter: in a whispered voice. “How may I help you ma’am?”
Whitney: “Please bring water for everyone. Also bring the dessert as fast as you can because I think I picked the wrong people to come to eat. I feel like they all need to take a relaxer. Oh my.”
Waiter: “It would be my pleasure I can hear everything that is going on in the kitchen. I’m very sorry ma’am.”
Whitney: “It’s okay. You may now leave. Everyone ate the entrée. She whispered to herself. Ah everyone was just behaving that way because they were hungry.” They all laughed. The waiters brought out the dessert. The whole table turned to a mood to hatred to having fun. When they finished the dessert Whitney got up. “Well I know it’s time for everybody to leave. I just wanted to say that….. IIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOOOVE YOU!” Everyone stood up and looked at her.
Jenni, Steve, Marilyn, Michael: Shut up. Thanks for having us. We should do this again.
Michael: “Don’t forget you can all call me when you forget your ABC’s because it’s easy as 123. Or whenever you ever have a friend that’s a girl I can be the one to thriller. It doesn’t matter if she’s black or white.” They all laughed. “Do you get it since I wrote all those songs?”
Marilyn: “I’ll be the girl you can call whenever you need to play a prank on an actress. I’ll be the girl to help.”
Jenni: “Whenever you need some Latina flavor to season up the place don’t be afraid to call me.”
Steve: “When you guys need new phones don’t forget I’m here to hook you guys up.”
Marilyn: “Now that you mentioned it. I would like an apple. Please it doesn’t matter what type you want to give me either.”
Steve: Reaches over to the middle of the table and takes an apple. “Here’s your apple.”
Marilyn: “Not what I meant.”
Michael: “Well looks like it’s getting dark out. The moon is probably out. I’m going to head out and walk it out.” Moon walks out.
Steve, Marilyn, Jenni: “Thanks hopefully we will get to do this again.” They all walk out.
Whitney: screaming. “Of course. I would love too.” Whispering. “As long as there witnesses around because we would all kill each other if we came back. All of them are not coming to this house again at least not together. They are all nice people after they eat of course. But I will always love them.”
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ReplyDeleteFive dead celebrities come together at a dinner party at a Hibachi restaurant in California. John Candy invited Alfred Hitchcock to the restaurant, where they find Freddie Mercury, Audrey Hepburn, and Jimmy Stewart at one table. Their two guests Farrah Fawcett and Billy Mays were not able to make the dinner, so Freddie offered John and Alfred to join them instead.
ReplyDeleteJohn Candy: Thanks a bunch you guys, you really are a nice group of guys. John and Alfred sit down in between Jimmy and Freddie.
Audrey Hepburn: I want to go to Tiffany’s for breakfast.
Freddie Mercury: It’s six o’clock at night…besides I want to break free because I am a poor boy and nobody loves me.
Jimmy Stewart: Scaramouch?
Alfred Hitchcock: Scaramouch? What did you just say?
Jimmy Stewart: I’m trying to pronounce the name of this dish. Scaramouch?
Alfred Hitchcock: Looking down at the menu: That says Sushi with Salmon…
Jimmy Stewart: Well, in that case I’m going to get the chicken and shrimp dinner and the side of the vegetable fried rice.
A waiter comes over and takes their food and drink orders, then moments later the drinks arrive at the table.
Audrey Hepburn: Are we in the smoking section of the restaurant? I want to smoke a cigarette. She takes out a long cigarette holder from her purse and grabs a cigarette, then lights the match from the pack in her purse.
John Candy: To Audrey: You never stopped smoking, did you? And you still have that cigarette holder. That’s funny.
Alfred Hitchcock: Bloody Hell! Where’s my food? I’m starving. If they don’t get my order out soon I’m going to get the birds on them!
Freddie Mercury: We just put our order in. Take a sip of your Coke and just relax. Geez! Why is everybody so cranky tonight? Let’s talk about music.
Audrey, John, Alfred: Or movies.
Jimmy Stewart: Or life…
The restaurant took a long time getting out the food because it is jam packed. It has been over forty five minutes since the orders were taken. Not knowing how long it’s been, the stars are talking about entertainment.
ReplyDeleteAlfred Hitchcock: My favorite movie genre is horror. And sometimes comedy. I find people getting murdered and killed to be quite entertaining. For some reason it amuses me and I have no idea why. When this one man got eaten alive by cannibals I started to crack up, and then got hungry for some kind of red meat.
The other four celebrities stopped what they were doing and glared at Alfred in shock.
Freddie Mercury: nervously laughing. So, anyone got a joke?
John Candy: I have one! Knock knock.
Audrey Hepburn: Who’s there?
John Candy: Banana
Audrey Hepburn: Banana who?
John Candy: Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
Audrey Hepburn: That wasn’t very funny. Besides, you told it wrong. You’re supposed to say orange, and then the other person says orange who. Then it goes “knock knock, who’s there? orange. Orange who? Knock knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”
Jimmy Stewart: bursting out laughing. That’s a good one! Tell another.
John Candy: All right. Here goes. What do you get when you cross a toad and a trombone?
Jimmy Stewart: I don’t know what?
John Candy: You get a frog horn.
Alfred Hitchcock: staring with a blank expression at John. That had to of been one of the funniest jokes I have ever heard. Don’t let this face fool you, it actually was funny.
Freddie Mercury: Enough about jokes. Those were funny, but how about we move onto music. I don’t like that Canadian kid with the weird haircut and the dumb hair shakes.
Audrey Hepburn: That Justin Bieber nerd? He’s a child, and has no voice. I don’t know why he even became a singer.
Jimmy Stewart: My goodness. That was just terrible. I am not going to talk about this kid anymore. The only Canadian I like is Bryan Adams. Turns to Alfred. What kind of music do you like?
ReplyDeleteAlfred Hitchcock: I like heavy metal bands. I really like Ozzy and his music. Anything that’s violent I seem to like. Looks at John. How about you big guy?
John Candy: I really enjoy pop rock, and some Bob Marley. I did play a coach who coached a Jamaican bobsled team.
Freddie Mercury: smirks at John then looks at the waiter walking to the table with their food. Hey look you guys, food’s here.
Waiter: I’m terribly sorry for the wait tonight. This is the most packed I have ever seen this place.
Alfred Hitchcock: You’re lucky that I don’t have to wait any longer. Five minutes longer I would have called in the birds to take care of you, or possibly Norman Bates. But you’re lucky.
Audrey Hepburn: You’re also lucky. If I had to wait any longer, I would have left and gone to Breakfast with Tiffany.
Jimmy Stewart: its seven thirty at night, besides our food is here so let’s all just eat!
The five celebrities then chowed down on their food, gulping every last crumb of the food. After they finished, they sat at the table with full stomachs.
John Candy: Well that was filling; does anyone have room for dessert? I could go for some ice cream, or even a yogurt, with strawberries.
Alfred Hitchcock: How about a Bloody Mary?
Jimmy Stewart: For dessert? Why not something sweet? Like candy, cake, even ice cream?
The waiter comes back.
Waiter: Have you decided what you wanted for dessert?
Freddie Mercury: I’ll decide for all five of us. Let’s all get a scoop of ice cream, all chocolate so we don’t complain about who gets what.
The waiter gets the ice cream and then the celebrities talk a little more before they get up to leave.
John Candy: Well, now I’m officially full. I’m very happy you guys let me and Alfred join you for dinner. It really was a nice thing to do.
ReplyDeleteAlfred Hitchcock: I too was pleased with the outcome of this evening.
Audrey Hepburn: I think we should do this again sometime. But next time we should go out to breakfast.
Jimmy Stewart: I agree with Audrey. How about next weekend? Next Saturday we should go to the diner up the street and get some breakfast.
Freddie Mercury: Then next week it is.
The five celebrities get up from the table, pay their check, and head out the door, in five different directions, into the nighttime air. They say goodbye, all excited for next week’s breakfast party.
Johann Sebastian Bach: Ah yes, here we are at this fine dining establishment.
ReplyDeleteElvis Presley: Mmmhm, I hope they are servin’ up some delicious peanut butter and banana sandwiches.
Johann Sebastian Bach: Peanut… butter? What sort of horrific combination is that? I’d rather not indulge in such a disgusting tradition of mixing two entirely unrelated substances.
Kurt Cobain: *brushing his hair from his face* Actually, peanut butter doesn’t sound so bad right now.
Johnny Cash: At home down south, we sure did enjoy a good peanut butter sandwich.
Freddy Mercury: I’m actually more of a jelly person.
Johann Sebastian Bach: You’re all completely mad. I’d rather a large platter of steamed potatoes with a tastefully sized glass of wine on the side.
Kurt Cobain: Oh well, whatever, never mind. Can we talk about something else now?
Elvis Presley: We can talk about the sweet lil’ thing I like to call... rock and roll.
Freddy Mercury: Now that’s what I’m talking about!
Johnny Cash: Hey, why not!
Kurt Cobain: I’d rather a little grunge, no?
Johann Sebastian Bach: What are you all going on about! Is this some sort of gam? Rolling rocks? Sounds childish to me.
Kurt Cobain: Heh, I don’t see any rolling stones at this table.
Freddy Mercury: Hey, I’ve been on the Rolling Stone.
Johnny Cash: Me too!
Kurt Cobain: Oh please, I’ve been on it more times than I’m sure you all can count.
Johann Sebastian Bach: Mad, insane little boys aren’t you all?
DeleteElvis Presley: We’re all just lovers of music. That doesn’t make us insane.
Kurt Cobain: Well, everyone seems to think I am.
Freddy Mercury: I’ve heard the same.
Kurt Cobain: Nah man, you’re cool.
Johann Sebastian Bach: Cool? In here? It is mid-July and we are sitting next to the fireplace! It is extremely hot in here. I am sweating through my garments. Yet you believe that one can be “cool” in this place. Where have you all come from?! I am sitting at a table full of complete loons. Someone please, help! Get me out of this terrible place. Loons! Crazy men! Help!
Johnny Cash: Shut your pie hole, fancy pants.
Johann Sebastian Bach: Why thank you, these were an expensive pair of trousers.
Elvis Presley: This guy’s nuts. A hunk-a chunk-a nuts. Chunk-a peanut butter. Hey, where’s my sandwich!
Kurt Cobain: We haven’t ordered yet.
Elvis Presley: Well why not? I would die for one of those babies right now!
Freddy Mercury: Then call over a waiter and ask for one.
*Elvis stands and starts singing a song that demands for the waiter’s attention*
Freddy Mercury: You call that singing? Please.
*Freddy stands and begins to display his large vocal range*
Kurt Cobain: Ugh. *His head flops down onto the table to reveal a small lump on the top underneath his hair.*
Elvis Presley: Say, kid, what’s up with your head?
Kurt Cobain: Just a little internal damage, no big deal.
*Freddy Mercury and Elvis Presley sit down after bickering and demonstrating their vocal and dancing abilities.*
Elvis Presley: Alright, maybe if we just write our orders down on this napkin and hand it to an employee I will get my gosh-darn sandwich!
Johann Sebastian Bach: I’ll take care of this. I’m sure none of you have the hand writing of a genius like I do.
Kurt Cobain: Go ahead “genius.” But make it quick. I’ve got to meet my love, Courtney, in an hour. I’ve no time to wait around for this.
Johann Sebastian Bach: If someone would be kind enough as to supply me with a feather and some ink.
Johnny Cash: Here buddy, try this pen.
Elvis Presley: I’ve got rumbling in my tummy that only peanut butter and bananas could satisfy!
Freddy Mercury: Why don’t you go take a smoke break, Elvis? I’ll write down your order.
Elvis Presley: I’ll just take a trip to the bathroom.
Kurt Cobain: Well, we’ll never see him again. *smirks*
Freddy Mercury: Oh cmon now, be nice.
Kurt Cobain: I’m only kidding. Can we get this show on the road? I’ve got a date and a concert tonight and I’m not singing on an empty stomach.
Johnny Cash: I hear you on that. What should I order? Nothing sugary for me.
Johann Sebastian Bach: I can’t handle this “pen.” I can’t handle you people! I am leaving.
Kurt Cobain: Yeah, let’s all just go.
Celebrities: John Lennon, Karen Carpenter, Steve Jobs, George Harrison and Elvis Presley.
ReplyDeleteSettings: In a Mexican Restaurant in Heaven.
John Lennon: (walking into the Mexican restaurant) George, how’s it goin man? You know who else is comming here?
George Harrison: Don’t really know for sure, but I think that Steve Jobs will be here, and Elvis.
John Lennon: jokingly And Paul. Maybe we’ll finally know why he stormed out of the studio back in 66 and got into that car crash.
(They break down in booming laughter)
George Harrison: I can’t believe people actually believed that story. Those were great times, man.
Karen Carpenter: (walking towards the two men) Man, two Beatles in one restaurant. How great is that?
John Lennon: I thought you were anerexic. Why are you here if you’re not going to eat anything?
Karen Carpenter: (glaring at John) I recovered, genius. And if I still didn’t eat, it would be good to be social.
John Lennon: True that. I didn’t mean to sound rude or anything. I only intend to bring peace and love, and not anger.
Steve Jobs: (calmly joining the others) Hello John, George Karen. Great to meet you all.
George Harrison: You know you’re the only one here who isn’t in the music business?
Steve Jobs: Isn’t there someone else who’s supposed to be here, too?
Karen Carpenter: Yeah, Elvis Presley.
Steve Jobs: Then I guess I’ll be the only nerd here. (his iPhone rings) I probably should get that. Hello... yes... I’m sorry I think you dialed the wrong number. (he hangs up.
Karen Carpenter: reaching out Hey, can I see that? It looks really cool.
Steve Jobs: giving her the phone Yeah, just don’t break it.
George Harrison: She’s becoming one of those technology savy people.
Karen Carpenter: Shut up, George. What’s Safari? Is it a game?
Steve Jobs: It’s Apple’s internet browser. You can access any website on there and...
Karen Carpenter: I know what an internet browser is. What do you think I am, an old hag who has no idea what a computer is? Don’t underestimate me, ok?
John Lennon: I don’t know a thing about the internet, but I couldn’t care less.
George harrison: (glancing at the beeper in his hand) Looks like our table’s ready.
Karen Carpenter: Elvis didn’t show up yet. Do you think we should just wait a few minutes?
George Harrison: He’ll find us sooner or later.
(Later, at a nearby table, a droid phone rings)
Steve Jobs: Are you kidding me? A droid phone? Whoever that is needs to convert to apple.
John Lennon: So having a certin mobile phone is a religion now? (Looking in the direction of the Droid user) Hang on a minute, is that Michael Jackson?
George Harrison: (Looking in the same direction) Looks like him.
John Lennon: (Starting to get up from his seat) I’ll give him a piece of my mind. He had the nerve to commercialize “Revolution” for that Nike company! He pissed off Paul, and he’s pissed me off!
Karen Carpenter: John, would you calm down for God’s sake?
John Lennon: I will not calm down! He went against our belief in not commercializing our music! As did you, Steve! You’re bloody lucky to have snagged the rights to putting Beatles music on that iTunes! Do you think Paul approved of that? Do you think Yoko approved? What do you think, george?
George Harrison: This isn’t the place to fight about this now. I’m afraid I have to not back you up on this, man.
John Lennon: Of course you would think that way, you were always the quiet one.
Karen Carpenter: And you were always the one to promote peace and lov. Right now, I don’t see any peace comming from you.
Steve Jobs: And putting the Beatles on iTunes was a great idea. Do you know how much money Apple made out of it?
John Lennon: This is what I mean! It always goes back to the idea of making a lot of money!
ReplyDeleteKaren Carpenter: (looking relieved for a distraction) Ah, look who it is! The king has finally arrived. What held you up? We’ve been waiting for you.
Elvis Presley: (walking jauntily to the table) Sorry about that, I had to eat my fried peanut butter and bananna sandwitch before I came here.
George Harrison: What were you thinking, eating before going to a restaurant to eat?
Elvis Presley: I have to have some peanut butter and bananna before the car ride here.
John Lennon: So you want another heart attack or what?
Elvis Presley: No heart attacks when you’re dead. You can eat all the fried food in the world and not gain weight.
Karen Carpenter: Hasn’t stopped me from eating mostly salads.
Waitris: (walking towards the celebrties) Hello, my name is Selena, and I will be taking your orders tonight.
Karen Carpenter: I’ll just have a salad, please. No, never mind. The beaf taco sounds good.
George Harrison: It’s about time you loosen up when it comes to eating.
Karen Carpenter: (defensively) Talk about my eating habbits again, and it’s not going to be pretty. (holding down the home button on the iPhone) Hey serie, can you tell them to stop talking about the way I eat? It’s not saying anything! I thought better about Apple.
Steve Jobs: You probably just said something it didn’t understand.
Selena: Ok, can you please just make your orders? (she leaves after they order their dishes)
Steve Jobs: So how was everyone’s holidays?
John Lennon: Not bad. they would have been better if I didn’t have to hear “Happy Christmas (War is Over)” o every single radio station.
Karen Carpenter: I whole-heartedly agree with you, John. If I hear “Merry Christmas Darling” one more time, I’m gonna go crazy.
Elvis Presley: I think there’s nothing better than hearing “Blue Christmas” or my version of “Here Comes Santa Claus” fifty times.
Karen Carpenter: Of course you would. Hey Steve, what’s Serie?
Steve Jobs: It’s the voice recognition app that comes with the phone. It’s used to send text messages, brouse the internet, and a number of other things.
George Harrison: You don’t even have to manually use a phone anymore.
Karen Carpenter: (handing the iPhone back to Steve) Here’s your phone back. I’ve had enough.
Steve Jobs: (looking at the screne) How many apps did you download, Karen? And how come I have all these new albums from iTunes?
Karen Carpenter: I had to download that drum kit app, and I felt like downloading some Olivia Newton John. I also now have an account on that facebook thing.
George Harrison: You’ve been doing that all this time while talking to us?
Karen Carpenter: I’m pretty good at multitasking.
John Lennon: So did anyone see any live folks durring Christmas?
Elvis Presley: I visited Lisa Marie on Christmas Eve
Karen Carpenter: I actually scared my brother on New Years, on purpose. It just turned 12:00, and I moved a table a few inches. You should have seen the shock and the fear he had. It was pretty funny.
Steve Jobs: Did he have any idea it was you?
karen Carpenter: Maybe, I’m not sure. I left before I could give him a heart attack.
George Harrison: I know she’s not alive, but I saw your aunt, John.
John Lennon: Really now? how’d that go?
George Harrison: Well, you know she never really liked me. It was rather odd talking to her. Before I could even say anything she was like, “Your that scouse boy who was friends with John, aren’t you?
John Lennon: (laughing) That’s just great.
ReplyDelete(the food arrives, and they silently eat for a few minutes.
Steve Jobs: (Takes out his iPhone, which has just recieved a text message and slams it down on the table.) Karen, you used up all my data, and you’ve gone over the limit!
Karen Carpenter: What?
Steve Jobs: Because of you, I have to pay more on my phone bill! I should have never trusted you with my phone!
Karen Carpenter: Oh please, you’re probably so rich that it would be nothing to pay a little more on the bill. And besides, you’re lucky I didn’t break it, although I could have. That thing is thinner than a piece of paper.
Steve Jobs: (standing up from the table) All right, I’m done here. I hope you guys have a great night. (he turns and walks out the door.)
Karen Carpenter: (Picking up the iPhone still on the table.) Looks like he’s not getting this back. I really didn’t know about the data plan.
George Harrison: And you said you did know a thing or two about the computer.
John Lennon: Don’t worry yourself about it. All he cares about is having a vast amount of money.
Elvis Presley: I think you should keep the phone and let Steve pay the bill.
Karen Carpenter: I would if I had the nerve, believe me. He was odd. But I have to admit, thinking about it now, his reaction was rather amusing. Anyway, anyone currently dealing with crazed fans?
George Harrison: Can’t say I have. I try to avoid any situations with crazed fans.
Elvis Presley: Those days are over for me, and I’m greatful for that. Do you know what it was like to have girls always squealing over you?
John Lennon: You forgot George and I were in the same situation as well. Why do you even ask, Karen?
Karen Carpenter: I’m now in a situation like that, but with one girl. I think she’s about fifteen or sixteen, she’s just annoying. I just wanted to see if any of you knew how to deal with stuff like this.
John Lennon: Is she so crazy that she wants to kill you?
Karen Carpenter: I’m already dead.
John Lennon: I mean, is she that crazy, or just anoying?
Karen Carpenter: Just annoys me to the point...
John Lennon: Then you have nothing to worry about. Try having a crazed fan who shoots you after you leave a taxi.
Karen Carpenter: True.
George Harrison: And do you think she would pin you to a wall if she were to see you?
Karen Carpenter: No, she probably wouldn’t.
George Harrison: Then don’t complain to us. We know crazed fans when we see them. From what you just said, she’s just obsessed. That’s all.
Karen Carpenter: Fine, I guess you have a point there.
Selena: (returns to take away the empty plates) Is the other gentleman finnished?
John Lennon: Yes. Just go ahead and take it. all away. I have to leave soon anyway and work on a new record.
Karen Carpenter: It was a pleasure finally meeting you all.
(They exchange good-byes)
John Lennon: Peace and love everybody.
Elvis Presley: (before walking out) Elvis has left the building.
“In fairytales,” she continued, “mermaids would use them to mourn the deaths of human sailors who’d drown in shipwrecks. Usually they’d weave them into their hair or clothes.”
ReplyDeleteSuddenly John knew what she was trying to say. “So what you’re trying to tell me is that you think my patient is a mermaid?” John asked smirking.
She could see the faint smile on his lips and he could tell she was beginning to get angry. “It makes perfect sense. Well, sort of. If she is a mermaid, which she has to be, I don’t know why she’d give the flowers to you. They usually only give them to people who’ve drowned.” She was beginning to ramble. “There’s no way she could’ve gotten those flowers if she wasn’t a mermaid, and she has green eyes and-“
“I have green eyes Allie, does that mean I’m a mermaid?” He chuckled.
Her cheeks were turning a bright red. He could tell she was really upset now. “I’ve been reading about them for months, Dad. I even did a report on them for school. Maybe if you paid attention to me once in a while you’d know that.” She spun around and ran to her room. He could hear her door slam loudly behind her.
John ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. He walked over to the table and picked one of the flowers out of the vase. He spun it around between his fingers, and watched each pedal blend in with one another as he spun them. He brought the flower to his nose and took a deep breath.
The smell hit him so hard that it fell from his hands. John was so stunned he could barely move. It was the intensity of the smell that shocked him, in fact the smell was very faint, but it was unmistakable to John. The flower smelled exactly like Linda.
At dinner Allie kept her head down and refused to even look up from her food.
John cleared his throat. “You know Allie I’m really sorry I laughed at you earlier.” He paused, hoping she’d say something, but she continued to look only at the peas she was pushing around on her plate. “And I’m sorry you feel that I haven’t been paying attention to you lately, I’ve just been really busy.
Allie twirled her fork between her fingers for a moment and cocked her head to the side considering what he’d said. Without looking up she answered simply, “No you aren’t.”
John stopped and stared at her dumbfounded. He couldn’t believe she’d said that.
Before John could think of what to say she finally looked at him. “You’ve never been busy dad, and you’ve never paid attention to anything I do. Just because I’m young doesn’t mean I don’t realize when you’re lying to me.” He could see the tears forming in her eyes. “Other people’s parents do things with them. They take them out and talk to them and take actual interest in their kids. What do you do dad?” Her voice cracked on the last word. “You come home from your office, and you make dinner and then you go to your room or stare blankly at the T.V. for hours.” She paused to take a deep breath.
“When people look at me they think, ‘there’s the girl who doesn’t have a mom’, but what they don’t realize is that I actually don’t have any parents at all.” She threw down her fork and got out of her seat, running back to her room.
ReplyDeleteWhile doing the dishes John thought over what Allie had said and when he was done he decided to go up to her room to check on her. He stood outside her door for a moment, unsure what to do or say. He took a deep breath and lifted up his hand to knock on the door but decided against it and turned the knob instead.
When he walked in he found her curled up on her bed facing the wall. Her legs were tucked up to her side and hand was clasped tightly over her eyes as she let out a loud sob.
She heard the door creak and her head snapped in his direction, removing her hand from her face. John was taken aback as her eyes met his. In that moment Allie looked more like her mother in John’s eyes than she ever had before. He couldn’t help but wonder when she’d matured so much, and how it was that he could’ve missed it. His mouth went dry as he stared blankly at her.
“What do you want?” She squeaked. John had never heard her sound like that before.
John cleared his throat loudly, trying to recollect his thoughts. He was still at a loss for words.
“Say something or get out,” she snapped.
“You’re so beautiful,” he blurted out.
“What?” She asked confused, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.
John walked over to the bed and sat beside his daughter, and felt as though for the first time since she was born, he was really seeing her. “You look so much like your mother,” he said softly. “I don’t know how I never noticed it before.”
He could see a faint smile forming on her face. “Why are you acting so weird?” She asked with a sniffle.
John grinned. “I don’t know,” he answered honestly. He rubbed his forehead trying to think of what to say next.
“You never signed that form for me to go on the field trip,” she said suddenly.
“Oh my god Allie, I’m so sorry. Where is it?”
She ran her fingers through her hair and looked up at him. “It’s too late,” she said. “The field trip was today. I had to stay in the library.” She looked away, her eyes filling with tears again. “It was so embarrassing.”
John suddenly felt incredibly guilty. He couldn’t understand how he could’ve forgotten about his own daughter for so long. How he could’ve just ignored her without realizing it. “I could still take you if you want to go.” He said.
ReplyDeleteShe snapped her head in his direction and looked at him with wide eyes. “You would actually do that?” John was hurt that she was so surprised that he would do something special for her.
He smiled at her sadly. “Yeah,” he said. “Of course I would.”
She threw her arms around him. He was startled but he hugged her back. This was probably significant moment he and his daughter had ever shared with one another. She pulled away from him and wiped away the last of her tears with the back of her hand. “Does this mean I can meet your patient too?” she asked.
“Allie, I don’t know if that’s a-,”
“Daddy, please?” she begged. She looked at him so sweetly he felt like he couldn’t have denied her a pony if she’d asked for one.
He took a deep breath. “You know what? Take your child to work day is next Friday. People don’t usually take their kids into the office, but I guess no one would mind if I brought you. And then we can go to the aquarium after. Sound good?”
Her face lit up and she hugged him again tightly. “Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
John realized that this was probably the happiest he’d ever made Allie, and even though it felt great to make her happy, he couldn’t help but be upset that he hadn’t made her feel this way before.
A week went by and John learned absolutely nothing new about the girl. Every day she came into his office and did the same thing; picked up the picture of his wife, held it to herself, and stood by the window.
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to pry her away from the window, and he couldn’t unlock her eyes from the water.
The smiled she’d had plastered on her face the day she’d first been brought in was gone. He hadn’t seen it in days. Her cheerful smile had been replaced with a heartbreaking look of longing. Her eyes, he noticed, seemed to have nothing behind them, and each day she became more and more distant.
Steve Jobs: Hello, everyone. I’d like to thank you for coming to my mansion. I really hope you all enjoy the meal. I believe we are eating French tonight.
ReplyDeleteElvis Presley: Ah, thank you, Steve. Thank you, very much.
Steve Jobs: I made seating arrangements before. I think it now would be better for everyone to pick their own seat. (Charlie Chaplin, Elvis Presley, Amy Winehouse all take their own seats, and Dr. Seuss remains standing.) Dr. Seuss?
Dr. Seuss: Oh, Steve, you know my real name’s Theodor—not Dr. Seuss. (jokingly) Call me that name one more time, and I might have to sue!
Steve Jobs: I’m sorry, Theodor . . . My apologies. I must say, however, sit wherever you’d like!
Dr. Seuss: Oh, no! Tell me where you want me to go! You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.
Steve Jobs: (Rolls eyes) I’m just curious—do you always have to rhyme? (Points to the seat across from him) Okay, just sit there, I don’t care! (Sits in the seat in front of him)
Dr. Seuss: You’re rhyming as well, do you hear it? Oh, yes that’s the spirit!
Steve Jobs: (Turns away from Dr. Seuss and towards Amy Winehouse) So, Amy . . . Amy Jade. I’d say you’re looking rather lovely tonight. I’m digging those red pumps you have on.
Amy Winehouse: Steve, grow up.
Charlie Chaplin: (silently laughs hysterically and high-fives Steve Jobs.
Elvis Presley: So, when’s the first course? I’m so hungry that I’m feeling blue just thinking about it!
Steve Jobs: I believe one of my servants will come out with the meal right about . . . (servant enters) now.
(Servant goes around placing iPads on everyone’s place mats on the table.)
Amy Winehouse: Aren’t these iPads?
Steve Jobs: I beg to differ! They are not simply iPads—they are the iPad Nano 5G 2.0. I have installed this new holographic feature with realistic graphics. (Snaps his fingers, and the servant clicks a button on a remote that projects the holographic image of a meal from everyone’s iPad.) I would like to call this meal Chicken a la Steve!
Amy Winehouse: What is that?
Steve Jobs: It is chicken sautéed in apple sauce, accompanied with grilled green apples and apple chunks, and a glass of fresh apple juice!
Dr. Seuss: It’s unique, but fun. My appetite has begun! If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good! (Takes his fork and digs in)
Steve Jobs: I’m glad you like it. I believe you, too like the meal, Charlie, don’t you?
Charlie Chaplin: (Nods “yes” to Steve jobs and shoves a forkful of chicken in his mouth. When Steve Jobs looks away, he spits out the food in his top hat)
Steve Jobs: I knew you’d like it. I find it rude that you’re not eating, Amy. Why is that?
Amy Winehouse: You want me to eat this? I say no, no, no!
Elvis Presley: I agree with, Amy. (Checks hair in mirror). I’m glad I’m not alone in this, baby.
Steve Jobs: I know what would spice this up. Would anyone like some champagne? It’s a special flavor I invented called apple—
Elvis Presley: --As much as I’d love to, I don’t want it to stain my new, white jumpsuit. (Pulls out a comb to smooth out hair). But you understand right?
Steve Jobs: I know Charlie would like some, right?
Charlie Chaplin: (Gives Steve a thumbs up).
Steve Jobs: Theodor?
Dr. Seuss: Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!
Steve Jobs: I don’t believe that answers my question.
Dr. Seuss: I meant what I said and I said what I meant.
Steve Jobs: Okay . . . Amy?
Amy Winehouse: No, thanks. I’m trying not to fall of the wagon.
ReplyDeleteSteve Jobs: I understand. I will go get the champagne anyway. I will be back soon. (Presses button on the iPad that transports him out of the dining room)
Amy Winehouse: So, who else thinks that Steve is out of his bloody mind?
(Elvis Presley raises his hand, and Charlie Chaplin follows shortly after)
Elvis Presley: And he says “I” a lot, too. I wonder why . . .
(Steve Jobs transports back into his seat at the table with a remote in his hand)
Steve Jobs: Your champagne, Charlie Ppresses button on remote, and a hologram of the champagne appears from Charlie Chaplin’s iPad). Ah, I just love technology. Well, I love my technology, that is.
Elvis Presley: Why don’t we switch the story from you, for once?
Steve Jobs: Then what would you like to talk about, Elvis?
Elvis Presley: Well, you see. There was once this girl I fell in love with, and you see, she broke my heart. She was a love I never forgot. Maybe my first love, or second, or ninth—I don’t remember. I-I was . . . all shook up afterwards though. I was just a hunk, a hunk of burnin' love.
Amy Winehouse: Hard to believe this guy gets all the ladies.
Charlie Chaplin: (nods head)
Dr. Seuss: ‘Maybe Christmas,’ the Grinch thought, ‘doesn't come from a store.’
Steve Jobs: I hope you know that you’re not making sense, Theodor.
Dr. Seuss: (nervously) These things are fun, and fun is good!
Amy Winehouse: You said that already.
Dr. Seuss: (nervously) Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try! (bloats forehead as if sweating)
Elvis Presley: You said that, too.
Dr. Seuss: (very panicky) ‘Maybe Christmas,’ the Grinch thought, ‘doesn't come from a store.’
Steve Jobs: You literally just said that one. Do you even know how to speak normally?
Dr. Seuss: (Looks down at watch) How did it get so late so soon? Its night before its afternoon. December is here before its June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon? (Gets up from his seat and flees. Everyone is silent)
Steve Jobs: Well, that was a nice dinner.
(Everyone except Charlie Chaplin mumbles in agreement).