Here's an example:
There's a pulse of light that wipes everything away, a flash
before darkness comes. Outside sound
becomes silent. All is now interior; I
am left to twist inside myself in these seemingly eternal seconds. First, FEAR.
I see myself at five, perched atop the bathroom counter, voices calling
to me in the darkness. I see the faces
of my wife and son, and they fade; I hear the sound of a flock of birds taking
flight. A tear falls into the exterior
silence with an impact that could shatter time itself. I hear the dull thump of the kick drum before
the onslaught of sound; I see my brother's consistently solemn nod from behind
his kit, backlit by shin-busters on some makeshift stage. He urges me on. I swallow hard, and feel the dryness in my
throat. His hands go above his head, and
everything shifts. I stand over my
grandmother's bedside, her face green and gray, her skull shrunken and littered
with the same peachfuzz we mistook as a sign of hope only weeks earlier. Her tongue is swollen and she coughs out the
candle of her own life. I shudder and
blink; I see my mother's resilient smile somewhere from a driver's seat,
sometime before responsibility put its claws in me. I feel warm and passive. The armies of friends and enemies march
by. Sometimes I see the same face in
both uniforms. An M-80 blasts; it is the
last day of school, children spring the length of Gavornick Park, their
laughter slingshots into a crystalline blue sky. I feel the peerless freedom of
childhood. I let go. The world goes blank, and holds. The moment blisters, swirls with gaseous
intensity. All of my life was meant for
this. This is the moment, pregnant with
the potential energy of some violent star, light years away, folded anxiously
inside itself, until..
“….Hold on okay! Don’t you dare let go yet! Stay with me!”
ReplyDeleteI could hear the faint yelling of a distressed person. I can hear them calling my name constantly, but I can’t see their face. Turning my head I see scattered glass and motorcycle parts thrown carelessly. Keeping my head turned I started to drift, allowing the cold of the asphalt calm my heated skin. Before my eyes I see my family. I can see my mother and her smile. I can hear her laughter from all the times I told her a corny joke. I remember the way we used to dance to random songs while relaxing in the kitchen. I remember crying on her shoulder and being the one to stop her tears. Next person to slip into the darkness is my father. I remember how he used to call my name. How him simply saying it would bring a smile to my face. I remember all the good moments where he would pick fun at me or even at himself. I remember telling him I had a pain in my hand and he offered to cut it off for me. At that moment I flipped out, but as we got older we grew to laugh about it. I remember the way he would attack me with hugs constantly reminding me I’m his baby girl and how he loves me. The next ones to slip in my mind are my grandparents, all four of them. I remember my Poppop and Nana. I love how they used to joke around with each other. How they would throw snarky comments at each other, but then laugh them all off and kiss to makeup. I remember my Nana holding me reminding me that she’s always there for me. How she would never leave me and no one could ever tear us apart. I remember all the discussions we had together about every single topic no matter how personal. I remember my Poppop always giving me his form of tough love. I remember him giving me a half hug or a simple kiss on the forehead at my younger years and then as I get older he would fight away any I gave him. I remember laughing as he inched away from me trying to give him a bone crushing hug. I’m really going to miss him doing that. Next my Granny popped into the darkness. All the memories of almost every day I spent with her flooded my mind. All the recent days came back to me and it all flashed as soon as it came. There are way too many good times for me to think of at once, but one stands out. The last time she locked me into a hug just to say I love you. That heartwarming moment is the number one thing I want to remember her by. And seeing how things are going at this moment that will be how I remember her. Last person is my Grandpa the person I lost so many years ago. His smile and voice the two things I miss the most. And soon I’ll be able to have him back. Those two things will be what I get back in a few seconds.
“Totiana don’t you dare die on me! Just wait a few seconds the ambulance will be here soon.” I shifted my head to look up at the tear frantic face of my friend and then hear the voices of my family surrounding me. I look over to my younger sisters and smile at them. I’m really going to miss those two. And before I could even tell them it all went black. The only thing I could hear was someone’s scream and feel someone tapping my face.
“Wake up!” And with that I was gone.
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I remember seeing the white car coming really fast as I ran out into the street to get the ball for my little sister. I remember my sisters scream that seemed as if it was in slow motion. But then it all went black and I saw myself in a blank room which slowly turned into my old room. The room I was forced out of because my dad left us. The house I was in that I knew I would never see again. I started running up and down the halls with my little brother like we used to. I saw my mom cooking dinner for my dad. I saw my little sister asleep on the couch. I remember those days like yesterday. Then I was out in the yard, running around in the leaves or just tanning in my backyard, listening to my music. Then I remember the day when I awoke in my house to hear my mom crying. I remember that as my life flashed before my eyes because it was about to happen to me. I remember watching my mom cry because we lost our Uncle the day after my birthday. Then it was dark again.
ReplyDeleteI open my eyes to see us in the first house we got in Dunellen. We were so happy and I was able to see my face light up when I was moving in. I was able to see everyone else’s reaction to their new rooms and everything else. I remember all the fights we had with each other in the house, but then we worked it out because we loved each other. Then came the day when we had to move out because my dad stopped paying. I remember being so angry and I just wanted him out of my life and so I hoped. But I still don’t regret not having him in my life as of these were my final moments. We then moved into my uncle’s house and I really enjoyed it. We fought A LOT, but we only did it because we cared about each other. But living there didn’t last long because my cousin lost her father in March, so they needed us and we needed them.
So we moved in with each other. I remember unpacking for the third time in my room. I remember waking up for the first time in my new room. I remember how big the house was and how much space there would have been for me to grow up in. I remember looking at colleges in the kitchen with my mom, discussing what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I remember making slushies’ with my cousin Taylor in the kitchen and then making a mess. I remember not leaving the lid on the blender and I completely ruined the kitchen. I remember waking up one morning to find out my Aunt has left us and rolling over and saying why this must happen to us, why so young. Now it’s happening to me. I’m leaving everyone devastated. Then the car struck me, leaving my sister to watch me get hit by that drunk driver because I was only trying to be a good older sister. It was all over and then it was dark again, leaving the memories to be unsaid but only remembered.
The pain in my chest felt like it should have been immense and over whelming. But I was too far gone and so it only felt like tiny pin pricks. I guess my body was forcing my mind to focus on more important things. What could be more important than the death waiting to take me? I could certainly name a few things, but they can summed up into four words; the life I lived. My body was preparing itself for the saying that I’ve used a million times but never actually experienced. My life was about to flash before my eyes, and I smiled because I was okay with death as long as I got to die watching my life like a movie. It began with the birth of my brother; I was running down the hospital hall to the delivery room. During the pregnancy I was debating whether or not I wanted a brother or a sister, but as I was taking my last strides before the birth I decided that I didn’t care. I would be happy if he was a boy or girl. Hell, I wouldn’t even care if he came out as a scaled alien. He would be someone to share memories with until this final moment. I felt him squeeze my hand back to reality. I mustered all my strength to squeeze it back and thank him for coming into my life. Another flash comes and I’m six in a new house where I’ll end up growing up. My sisters are picking out a movie to watch in our unfurnished living room. My new neighbors have just brought over dinner for us. It was the first night that house ever felt like a home. The scene skips ahead to my eldest sister bringing home the boyfriend who would eventually become her husband and my brother-in-law. He was so tall compared to me back then, he still is. He didn’t shrink with age. He was a stranger with big glasses and big feet and I was afraid. But this memory overwhelmed me and I began to tear up. This big, scary guy would become a brother to me long before he and my sister ever became engaged. I reach out my hand and I feel his giant hands enclose around me in this reality. I’m glad he’s here, just like he was on the day of my wedding to walk me down the aisle. The scene changes again and it’s my second sister’s wedding, something I never thought would happen. She’s smiling brighter than I ever thought she was capable of. I’m happier for her than I ever thought I was capable of being. The woman who had taught me so many things and sacrificed a lot for my happiness is finally happy. I blink back tears and focus the rest of my strength to glance around the room. It’s filled with the people whom I hold closest to my heart. All of my brothers and sisters are here and I beckon them to move towards me, and I motion for one more group hug. My sisters choke back tears and, for the first time, I get to be one to wipe away the sadness. My brothers keep their heads up and I’m thankful, I need their strength for myself. I’ll miss them dearly, but it’s time for me to join my other family in the clouds. I’ll get to see my father and mother, maybe they’ll be just like they were when I was younger and we were on vacation. They’re faces will be creased from all their smiling and there won’t be even a hint of worry in their eyes. I’ll see my husband and leave my kids without their parents and my grandchildren without grandparents. As sad as the thought makes, I know I am only sad because they’ll be sad. I only hope I can pass my strength on to them. I close my eyes for the final flashback, it’s a rush of scenes speeding through like someone hit fast forward. I see every wedding and funeral again. Every lifetime of every pet and every birth of every child. The final scene comes in as slow motion. It’s my entire family surrounding me on my death bed. They are all holding each other; there are some tears and some smiles. I can hear whispers of “she’s in a better place” and the like. When I see myself lying on the bed, looking serene and happy, I know my time has come and gone. Now, it’s time to see what’s so much ‘better’ about these clouds and create some more memories.
ReplyDelete*their
Delete“I can’t…no longer! My time is up.”
ReplyDeleteMy life flashed before my eyes. Everything came to me while everything was still such a blur. My thought and memories flashed before my eyes. Then everything finally stopped. All my thought that I was gone just finally stopped there was no way this could be happening. My memories of seeing my parents went quickly. I’m young, why is this happening to me? Fear spread through me entire body I was now not able to feel my body. The impact of the wound in my stomach was like a virus. The shot was more than just a wound. It was the end of my life. They didn’t care. I will not haunt them for I forgive them. A person came near me. A whisper. I couldn’t make out the words. Mumbled words came out of my mouth. I couldn’t identify what the words coming out of my mouth. A sharp pain rose in my body, I felt as if the bullet was ripping my back apart. I turned my face and saw my parents, my family, my boyfriend, my friends, I saw my dead grandparents. Their hands were stretched out and I hesitated to grab it. I looked over to my loved ones and they held onto me tightly. Every time the pain was getting sharper and sharper, I was getting closer and closer to my grandparents.
“NO!” I screamed.
My time can’t be up. I have so many things to experience. I have to go to college and party. I have to make mistakes and learn from them because I’m human and I’m imperfect. I can’t leave this Earth. I love my life. This can’t happen to me. Why me? I love you mom and dad.
“Sweetheart, stay with me I called the ambulance they are coming.” Anthony told me.
I felt his lips to mine to give me a gentle kiss. A tear fell onto my skin.
“I’m in love with you babe.” He told me.
I finally reached to my grandparents. I looked down to my loved ones and they waved and turned away. I looked and they grabbed me. I looked back.
“I love…”
There comes a moment in everyone’s life where we all look back and reflect on moments of our lives that we may question our decisions or the outcome of our actions. The trick, however, is that when you look back on your life as scenes run through your head and you remember the good and bad times, you should never regret any decisions you made throughout the years. So as my life goes before my eyes, and I breathe my final breaths, I remember only the good times but learn from the bad so in my next life I can correct my wrongs. I remember all of the people I have met along the way and the friendships I have gained that have made me the person I am. For that, no matter where I go from here, I am eternally grateful. I depart with the memories of my loved ones and the friends that I have been so blessed as to call them my family. I have grown so close with some people that I never expected. I would not go back and change a thing. All of the problems and obstacles I have encountered throughout my life have made me stronger. I became a better person as a whole and I have learned valuable lessons from some of those experiences that I am glad I had to deal with. I believe everything happens for a reason and that we all have our own destiny. I also believe that we are all meant for greatness. It is not just for a select group of people or the “chosen ones,” as some may say. I believe we are all meant to be great; it just takes some people longer to found out the reason than others. So as I lay here, with my eyes shut, I stop envisioning my past life, and begin envisioning the one that is about to open my eyes again.
ReplyDeleteI like your philosophy very much. You can really see a sensitive, thoughtful side to you in this piece.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI laid there lifeless just counting down the second until I will be lifted away from this pain. It is just so hard to believe that this is going to be the end. I just remember being a child and thinking that I had some special power that would never make this day come. Little did I know that dying it was just a part of the circle of life. I just want to go back to being a child. A time when my biggest worries were trying to pick what I wanted for snack. Everything has just changed so much since then. The responsibilities in life increased so drastically. It’s insane how graduating high school seemed like just yesterday. However when I was graduating death seemed so far away. Now it’s here, I’m frightened but I just want this pain to be gone. I can’t stand to see the look on my children’s faces, every tear drop kills be a little more. I just want to go back to the day when they were first born. When I held them both in my arms and I never wanted to let them go. That moment in time just brought me so much joy I have never loved someone as much as I loved my children. Oh, how I wish I could just go back. I can’t stand to be away from them. I just don’t want to leave them. I should look at the quick bright side off this all; I will be with all those that I have missed dearly. I will be able to see my husband, parents, family and friends. The amount of tears I cried for them when they all pasted will come rushing back but they will now be tears of joy. The fear that I’m feeling now will never come close to past fear I have felt. What’s scaring me is the unknown. It’s the fact that at any second I can just vanish from this world; I’ll be gone. The end is now calling and I am slowly reaching my arm out for it to grab me.
ReplyDelete"seconds" Comma after "however" Period after "joy"
DeleteYou really put me in the moment with your vivid writing. This definitely pulls at the heart strings of any who is, or wants to be a parent. Well done.
I was in a cold, quiet room all alone. I saw a bright flash that covered everything I saw. The pain was so real shooting through my whole body. I just wanted it to be over but was unable to let go. The silence alone was killing me. The first thing that came to my mind is what I should have done, moments in my life that I missed out on, the regrets. We regret the things we should have done more so than things we actually did. As the pain became more intense I thought about my family. I thought about the wonderful moments I have shared with each of my family members and how I wouldn’t change anything about those moments. I thought about how much I loved each one of them and everything about them. Even though my family wasn’t normal I still love it. Time passing felt like an eternity with the pain growing stronger and stronger. I could no longer move. I stared to think about all the moments that would never happen in my life like graduating high school, going to college, getting married and on and on. This though made me so sad and there was nothing I could do about it. I just wanted to die now and dwell no longer. I thought about my friends and how special they were to me. I thought about the lives they would live after I was gone and how they would feel without me. I remembered the fun memories I shared with them. I thought about the people that hated me and my enemies, would they be sad when I died? I didn’t care what they thought of me though. Looking back at my life in that moment I could say that it’s been a good life. I have accomplished a lot but nowhere near as much as I thought I would by the time I died. My breathing slowed down and I could feel myself take my final breath, then all I saw was darkness and I finally felt peaceful.
ReplyDeleteComma after "over"
Deletecomma after "intense"
comma after "normal"
change "stared" to "started"
comma after "moment"
Excellent job here. I feel like you really took this assignment seriously, and were honest about what you really think you would be feeling and thinking about.
I could feel my breath getting shorter and the pain in my stomach increasing. I’m only 16, how could this happen to me? I see my nephew taking his first steps and me being so proud of him, a big smile on both of our faces and my mother with her camcorder. I open my eyes and see people surrounding me with worried looks on their faces. I close my eyes and see my mother with her camera. Every trip and every adventure my family went on, my siblings and I would always complain about my mother being like paparazzi. I think of the day when my boyfriend and my mother finally met. It was an awkward day but now they’re best friends. All the little things my boyfriend used to do for me like surprising me with gifts and taking me out on dates. i come back into reality as a feel a bunch of hands on me. I open my eyes and I’m being put into an ambulance. I could feel my heart slowing down. I envision my sister and I fighting when we were younger then growing up and becoming best friends. All the little things like watching movies with my family and spending time with my friends pass by in my head. Although I haven’t spoken to my father or even seen him, he was in my head. I watched all the years he was my basketball coach play in my head; teaching me how to tie my shoes and ride a bike. All my school days past in my head. I pictured all my teachers and all the wonderful things they taught me about the subject and life. All these moments in my head slowly started to fade away and I heard a man with a rough voice say “were losing her” and everything went blank.
ReplyDeletecomma after "day"
Deletecomma after "me" and "like surprising"
Capitalize "I" in line 6.
change "could" to "can"
comma after "younger"
comma after "things" and before "like watching"
I love the honesty and the appreciation of the small things. Good job.
It only hurt for a second, and then I was just numb. Numb, but not quite dead. Not yet anyway. When they said that your life would flash before your eyes, it’s not quite the way I’d pictured it. It’s not like as those people and memories just shoot through your mind involuntarily. It’s more like, while your lying there, waiting to die, you do your best to recall all the things you want to remember one last time.
ReplyDeleteFirst I saw bubbles floating across my backyard, and them popping as it slowly began to rain. I could hear myself giggling, the kind of giggle only a toddler would have. The rain began to fall harder, but my mom and I just continued to sit there and laugh, holding buckets over our heads as though it would keep us dry.
Next I remembered my dog. I tried not to remember her the way I’d last seen her, but I couldn’t help it. I saw her eyes staring up at me, greying with age. And for the last time I got down on my knees and threw my arms around her. “I’ll miss you,” I whispered to her, and she rested her head on my shoulder in a way that said ‘I’ll miss you too’. But then I saw her again, but this time she was younger and healthier. My brother and I were on his bed hiding under the covers and she was trying to under with us. She nipped at our fees and hands. We were children again and were unable to stifle our uncontrollable laughter, and when she finally got to us she smothered us both in excited kisses.
I remembered my brother’s first love, and how she’d been like an older sister to me. I remembered his first heartbreak. I remembering hearing him promise her that he’d never meant to hurt her and I remembered the way he looked when he watched her run into another man’s arms.
I remembered my aunt’s old condo. Being cuddled up on her couch and stuffing my face with powdered doughnuts while we watched the worst scary movies Blockbuster had to offer.
I remembered my first kiss and my last. Two different people that had both left such an impact on my life, and I couldn’t help but hope that I had left just as big an impact on theirs.
I hoped my mom would be ok, and then I became so numb that I could remember nothing else.
Very poignant, and I love the ending.
DeleteHappiness is not a destination, it is a state of mind.
ReplyDeleteAs I lay dying, I see parts of my life flash before my eyes. I see my loving family and my sister at a time when it felt as though our happiness would never cease. I watch my friends and I joke around and have fun. I get to return to all the happy moments in my life. I begin to regret thinking about my life. A sense of bitterness overwhelms me. I can never experience these events again. Other memories begin to flow into my mind. I watch myself fell asleep with wet tears running down my face over and over again. I watch myself fail again and again. I watch myself stutter and ramble while talking to teachers and friends. What an idiot? I can see all of the times I have embarrassed myself and wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear. I see myself frustrated with how useless I have felt. I watch myself tell myself that things will get better, that life will go on. But I realize that in that moment life has stopped. I wanted to be happy in life. I think for a moment about that wish and I think to myself that perhaps even if I was not happy all of the time in my life, perhaps I can work to be happy in death. As I said, happiness is a state of mind, not a destination. I only have a minute or two left and I force myself to be happy. I watch myself laugh my heart out. I force myself to see the happy faces of my family and friends one more time. The strength of the memories begin to fade, but that’s ok, because even if I don’t have control over my destination, I have control over my state of mind.
I like the twist of you becoming bitter about the process of thinking about your life while knowing that you can never experience these things again.
DeleteI am about to undergo a surgery that might take my life away. It’s a risk I must run; there is no other hope for me but my potential survival of this surgery. They have laid me on a bed, and I am extremely cold. I cannot imagine how cold I will be if I were to die tonight. I’m almost convinced that I will not make it; the doctor’s face had “despair” written all over it. They have given me twenty minutes to myself before the surgery. My crying mother left tear stains all over my hospital gown. My boyfriend kissed me and held my fragile body. I cherished his hold, because it might have been the last one. My father caressed my face and I could not help but grimace at the fact that it was probably the last time I’d feel him, feel any of them. My siblings did not want to leave, they were bawling. My sister held my hand, looked at me in the eyes and started to cry. She’s a girl of very little words, but somehow I understood it all. She was inaudibly apologizing for ever making me upset, and for not taking my advice. My phone was vibrating constantly because of the flow of “good luck, God bless” messages I was receiving. Only six people were allowed to be in the room, but at that moment I imagined a whole world in there. I could not help but break down. I said good bye to everyone, but they refused to say good bye to me. The words they pronounced were words of optimism, but I knew hopelessness overwhelmed each and every one of them. I asked to be left alone before my surgery and I closed my eyes in hope to communicate with my God. I asked Him to forgive me for my sins and I asked for His will to be done. I also asked him to have mercy of me despite of the lack of faith in Him I am experiencing. I am waiting for the surgeons to come; I just want to get this over with.
ReplyDeleteI love the observation you make about every person trying to project this feeling of optimism when , in truth they were experience the complete opposite. This piece is interesting because the speaker possesses a sense of grace, but at the same time there is also a sense of disgust near its end. It definitely calls to mind all of the conflicting feelings that would go along with a moment such as this one.
Delete* experiencing
DeleteThe memories flash in eyes, happy, sad, embarrassing, and memorable. The memories all stop and it focuses on one. It’s me and my family sitting around the dining room table eating, laughing, enjoying ourselves, and happy. It slowly begins to fade and moves on. Now it’s just me and my mom siting at a concert waiting for the next band, smiles on our faces, talking, and laughing. I can faintly hear the sound of the music as the band starts and we stand up. The memory stops before I could hear any more.I try and open my eyes, but i cannot, I wish this was not true. My eyes shut tight the memory of me, my mom, and dad, shows we are talking and hugging as we have to leave. Now the memories are just flying by, mostly with my family, smiles, tears, and laughs can all be seen. I try and open my eyes but they briefly open a tiny bit and close again. A final memory begins to slowly show Its of me and my mom having a long meaningful talk like we always did. I could not tell what we were saying i tried to remember what we were saying, but i could not. The memory went on and the conversation kept going. Slowly I began to hear words. They were very soft and hard to understand. I listened still hard to hear anything. I hear one thing my mom says and that is I love you, the memory disappears quickly. Before, I could see another memory everything went black and extremely dark, that was it.
ReplyDeleteA blinding light rushes toward me and then darkness sweeps over everything—my senses go black, my thoughts go black, the pulsing in my veins is switched out with a consistent, calming undulation. Then, crack! I’m seven years old and fielding a ground ball at second base with my dad encouraging me from the bench. I nervously fumble with the ball and throw it to third base, and as I follow through, I find myself sitting on a maroon couch in Father John’s living room with my parents and sister. We are discussing our entrance into the catechism program there and my sister and I get up to thank him. As I shake his hand, I look down at the meeting of hands and I find myself in a white gi at ten years old, shaking the hand of my sensei as he gives me my black belt. I feel such as sense of accomplishment as I see my family sitting on the sidelines smiling at me. I am grinning so intensely that my cheeks begin to ache and then my face is relaxed. Suddenly, I am somewhere else with a breeze caressing my face. I am looking at the view from the backyard of our bay house down the shore—the afternoon sun is reflecting off the calm, inviting bay. I am seated at a weathered picnic table covered with an Italian-style dinner and my family who is eagerly surrounding the dishes. As I focus back on the bay, everything grows dark and silent once again. I am seated on the hood of my first car as I stare up at a drive-in movie screen. Memories of mine are projected in flashes. I see the house I grew up in covered in snow and lit up by the darned battery-operated candles in the windows that my mom insisted on each year, the baseball field located directly in back of it where we are playing kickball on my sister’s confirmation day, and then the reception hall for my wedding filled with everyone I love attempting to dance to the traditional Albanian folk song. Next I see my sister spontaneously walking through the front door of my new home with Chinese food in hand and her three boys running in behind her, all donning their soccer gear. Then I see my husband lying next to me on the hospital bed as I hold my first baby boy; and it’s deja vu as I hold my second, third, and fourth child with an inexplicable feeling in my gut. Their first bicycles and Halloween costumes race across the screen and all of a sudden, they are all grown up with their own families and homes. Thanksgivings, Christmases, and Chinese New Years’ pass and the memories sweep across the screen more rapidly than before. I feel the utter impact of every emotion I have ever felt—I feel the anxiety of my state tennis match in college and the anger towards my best friend for lying to me. I feel the grief of the loved ones I have lost along the way and the stress of my first day on set of my premiering movie. The memories move too fast to comprehend each of them, but the feelings I had experienced remain fresh. Then, yellow washes over the screen and I feel completely at peace. The blackness immediately follows, but this time, unlike every other time I turn the lights off when I am alone, I am not afraid.
ReplyDeleteTears fall down my face. I look out to the ocean and jump away from my pain. I close my eyes as the wind whips past me, as I get closer and closer to the arms of the ocean. Memories flash through my head.
ReplyDelete*“Babe, I’ll love you forever and always.” Will whispered.
“Please never let me go. Will, I can’t do this without you.” I sobbed into his chest.
He smiled and held me tight for the last time.
“Don’t worry babe, I’ll wait.” *
Another memory surfaces in my mind. It was the night before graduation.
*“Everything’s gonna change now. Rose, we have to promise to stay in touch. No matter what, got it?” Sadie said.
“Duh Sadie! You’re my best friend. How could I just forget about you?” I threw a piece of popcorn at her head and rolled my eyes.
“Okay butt. Let’s go.” She said as she dragged to me to the kitchen.
She put her ipod on and started dancing. I laughed, Sadie and I hadn’t done this since middle school. We danced around the kitchen with the speakers blasting through the house. *
The memory fades to one that pains my heart.
*I clenched my fists in anger, glaring at my dad. After almost five years of no contact with him, he finally decided to come back.
‘“How could you just leave?!? Did you ever think about how it would affect me?!?” I screamed at him holding back tears.
“Rose, please let me explain. I’m so sorry.” My father said looking at the floor.
“Wow thanks for the sorry, that changes everything.” I spat at him. “What do you want? Do you want us to be a happy family again?!?”
“No I-I just..” he mumbled.
“There’s nothing you can say that justifies what you did. Nothing. Just leave please.” I said.
“I know but please just let me talk to you for 5 minutes please.” he begged me.
I walked to the door and opened it for him.
“Please just go.”
His face crumpled into sadness as he walked out the door.
I dropped to the floor and began to cry. *
I wish I could go back to that moment and take back what I said. It’s too late now. The ocean is so close. I slash into the roaring waves and it’s over. I’m slipping underneath, it’s so cold and so sweet. I’m not giving up,I’m giving in.
A sweet sense of security; its rather comforting, actually. As I fall to the ground I feel free, like a weightless object being borne into the air. And then come the memories- the flashbacks. I was five and I didn’t have a care in the world. Things seemed so easy back then, I could just climb onto my grandpa’s lap and everything would be fine. A sense of innocence fills the air. I can hear the faint cheers from a crowd behind me. It’s the bottom of the 6th and there are two outs on the board. As the pitch is delivered, I send the ball out to left, and now I’m sitting on my front steps. Memories of old friends flood my mind, and as I sit through the final classes of my senior year, it hits me. I walk down the aisle and as I’m handed my diploma, the crowd goes wild; “this is really it, we’ve finally made it.” The clock strikes 12 and it’s my 18th birthday. My family surrounds me, wishing me the best of luck, and then it’s all over. My thoughts begin to descend as my mind draws blank. I never thought taking my final breaths would feel so comforting, but they relaxed me. A warm feeling took over my being; I could hear the muffled screams from my loved ones, begging me to hold on for a little longer. But it was too late, death had compelled me and I had let it. There was no more fight left in me, I had given it all. As I grew numb, felt my body shutting down from within, I felt free- there was no pain, but just relief. My last breaths felt short, almost unnecessary, and then I was at ease- I was free.
ReplyDeleteThe leader of the group smirked and straightened himself out.
ReplyDelete“That, my friend, is mine and my fellows ship! The Green Barnacle, the best ship on the seven seas!”
The man’s muscles tightened a bit, his face gaining some color. “Heh, lovely. Now uh, how’d ye get yer hands on such a beauty?”
“We stole it in the night! From one of the most dreaded pirates ever known, Tristan Greysail! While he and his crew were out pillaging, we stole ourselves aboard and sailed away!”
The group burst into cheers and laughter, the man stood before them unmoved.
“Come on, not even a congratulation from you? What crawled up your arse and died, eh?”
Suddenly out of his drunken stupor, the man punched the leader in the gut. As he kneeled over in pain, the man drove his knee into the boy’s face, grabbed him by his hair and held a flintlock pistol to his face.
“You grimy piece of filth. That beauty there is called BlackWind, and I am Captain Greysail, understand? Did you really think you could pull one over on ‘the most dreaded pirate ever known’? Damned fools.”
Greysail shoved the boy onto the ground and began to walk towards the dock.
“You’d best be headed back to your mother’s house, boys. It looks like you’ve still got some nursing to be done!”
The boys were paralyzed, unsure if they should attack the stranger or retreat as he had said. The lack of the sound of panic stopped Greysail in his tracks, however. He turned and sighed at the sight of the boys still standing at the pub. He walked over, cocked his pistol and shot their leader in the face. The boys screamed for help as they scattered down streets and alleyways away from the pirate. As they ran however, the Port Guards in their green uniforms and rifles sprinted into position, surrounding the pirate.
Falling into an abyss, I could feel all the senses through my body but I could not control them. My head starting spinning and I could see moments passing by, I could hear many noises like a Saturday night in New York. The thought brings to me the many times I searched through pictures of my family. My dad and his sister before I was born. Looking through the pictures I see my family in Colombia. The house pictured in the back. I’m taken back to that street and playing with my cousins. I was 4 and no one was older than ten. My favorite game: everyone held the sheet tightly and someone was thrown in the middle. Then I would hide behind my dad when he crossed the street to buy cheese from the creepy man. My memories fly on the plane that brought me here at 5. My sixth birthday party in the small apartment I lived in with my mom. My mom’s boyfriend is in more memories than my dad. Finally- fishing with my dad and him hiding from me in a supermarket. Pre-k graduation was followed by evenings spent in the park with my friends. A summer spent in Colombia with my dad, my favorite times with him. The river, the zoo, all the time with family. Years later, I’m crying. Having to say goodbye to my old friends, choosing out my room in a new big house, entering a class room filled with strangers on my first day of third grade. Middle school came with football games and boys. My first kiss and many tears. My brother in jail. My mom’s painful tears. A happy quinceañera party filled with love, happiness, and family. The illusions of best friends forever and your first love feel warm in my heart. All these memories in order, yet all over the place bring a calming feeling over me as a slowly let go.
ReplyDeleteThe pace of this really conveys the fleeting nature of the thoughts you are having. The bitter and the sweet is all here, and I like the way that you don't really show a preference for one over the other. The detail about more memories of the mother's boyfriend than of the father is a very poignant detail that makes the reader empathize. As always, the writing is polished and compelling.
DeleteRyan P. Tunison
ReplyDeleteA cascade of unforeseen light,
All that was known washed away by rain,
Only that sole memory to escape all blight,
Still to linger within the barrier of my brain,
A source to recall with all intent,
The memory of Her so fond
That of Her I wish never to repent,
Not presenting myself as a lustful hound,
Never to damn that which all forbade,
Nor ever did I seek aid.
To forget would not be my will,
Each detail as painted in Her fine visage,
And did I ever give harm or prove ill?
To forever love Her despite my age,
A romance that shall forever stricken
That which lovers feel strong,
In a contrast that remains broken,
Never right and always wrong.
But always my love will endure till
Everything is done to fulfill.
Such a love does entwine that background,
Set in that rich timeline of memory,
But now I must proceed to the second round
And claim the rest as history.
That date which started in all,
May that be what it was to a lover’s eyes?
And yes indeed such a beauty did not stall
In memorizing that foolish youth with lies,
For it could never be truth
That She would remain aloof.
Upon that day a triumph of romance
Did ensure the day of my trial,
Never did I face a defying hindrance,
When Her number I would dial.
Now left with an absence of hope,
With a wonder ever incessant,
The hands of fate, at my neck they grope.
Who am I to remain independent?
Such undeniable beauty does proceed
Every word of mine that I read.
Now a sweet memory to be the first
Of glamor and beauty in Her,
Never would I mean the worst,
When in my words to Her I refer.
Who knew that when you are dying you actually do see the light? I thought it was just some cheesy line people came up with to sound sad. Also that your life flashes before your eyes that you actually see memories that impacted your life in positive ways and negative ways. For example a couple minutes ago while I was still alive it’s amazing the things you see. When those good memories pass by you feel tranquil and filled with joy. On the other hand you also experience the negatives that bring sorrow to your final seconds.
ReplyDeleteFor instance some of the stuff I saw flash before my eyes was stone cold terrible. I witnessed all of my parents fights all over again the yelling the packing of stuff all over again. I also saw the war between them end with a divorce, I just hated those day I passed suffering. Another was the gut wrenching pain of me breaking my arm. Also all of the heart breaks in my love life but all of these negatives taught me something that life is short no pun intended we just have to forget and go. However I did see the brightness of the good moments shine on me like a ray of sun. Like I got to live those wonderful moments with my passed relatives that brought me tears of joy of spending seconds more with them. Additionally the fun games of fetch and tug of war with my dog that died was just great. The great thing was that my final breath I got to spend it with the good memories that actually brought me a soothing death. With its ups and downs life will always be a great thing no matter all of the bad things that go on in your life.
The familiar voices around me were slowly becoming quite unfamiliar and more distant with each passing second. I struggled to keep my eyes open but it was no use, there was just a dull tint to the world around me. Whatever notion of sound that was left became faint to the point where it completely vanished and I could no longer hear anything. My chest tightened up and I gasped for breath, my muscles tense with fear. Slowly I could feel myself losing strength and giving up, falling into the abyss of death. That is when it happened; a bright flash of light deprived me of any current feeling or emotion and there I was, crying for daddy and starring, in disbelief, at the blood on my knee after I had fallen from my bike for the first time. Then I felt exhaustion from running away from my brothers’ attack and could feel the sting that came with being hit repeatedly. I found myself being upset after hearing all the insults and getting made fun of by all those girls. Mascara streamed down my face, my heart ached and my chest closed up as I cried after being heartbroken for the first time. I sat in the back seat of that car, fearing the consequences that were to come. The great loneliness I felt from being away from my family and missing them more than anything. I longed to be back home and not having to go through all the torment that one summer. It was all a big messy, blur now and I could not control myself or my emotions and I regretted everything I had done until that point. Every bad moment, every horrid memory that I had since I was a child was replaying in my head, making me feel the pain all over again. And then it happened, the flash of light again. I could feel my mommy’s warm embrace as we looked out to see my brothers playing. That Christmas, in which I could have sworn I saw Santa and there were too many gifts for me to even keep track of, it was so joyous and wonderful. I felt butterflies in my stomach after my first kiss. The thrill of being on that roller coaster and holding on to his hand for comfort. Being in Spain, feeling absolutely content. My first love, all the promises made and a sense of security and happiness. We were walking in the rain, with a sort of altered conscious, taking note of every single raindrop around, knowing that nothing could replace this feeling. A sense of achievement after attaining something I had wanted for so long. I knew, deep down, that I would not awake again. But I laid there in blissful glee because although I had just relieved many bad memories, my life movie ended up with the best ones. I treasured every single one of them. They made life worth living, they allowed for these final moments to be worth it, and they allowed for me to finally be at ease.
ReplyDeleteHow was it possible that I would end up on my deathbed? I may have gotten somewhat old in my years, but I don’t think I’ve ever lost a step. Have I? It seems like just yesterday I had just completed my first 10k, then a 10-miler, then a half-marathon, and then finally my first marathon. Or when I won my Pulitzer Prize for Investigative Journalism for a piece I did on corruption in large-scale municipal governments. Then images of my family flashed before me. I remember seeing my mother cry at her wedding, or myself crying at my father’s. Then my brothers’ graduations and weddings, and then my own. How long has it been? How long since I first said “I Do”? How long since the last time I told her I loved her? That couldn’t have been that long. I tell her every night, even though she isn’t alive to hear it. I remember my time in high school, sitting in class trying my best to absorb all the information I could. It’s remarkable how much I learned, and how little of it I used after I went to college for journalism. But you know what? I don’t regret any of it. I’m glad that my school, my friends, my family, my own ambition drove me to excel no matter how much work I had to do. It’s nice to be alone. Too many people romanticize the idea of dying. They think that all your closest friends and family have to be there for your last moments because they should hear your last words or your last will and testament before you part ways permanently. I think that’s a load of crap. If those people really knew you to begin with, they should know what you’d want for them. In fact, isn’t it a little dumb to think that you’d want anything but the best for them? Well, I may as well just accept my fate. I had a good life, and now it’s time to move on. Or become part of the earth or whatever, depending on what you believe. Regardless, it’s time I let death take me, so I may as well start waiting now.
ReplyDeleteI like how you speculated on your future. I can see what is important to you here, all of your dreams and ambitions. The honesty in the second half is really refreshing as well. You capture a unique perspective on the reality that is isolation in death. Really, it doesn't matter if anyone is there or not, because the experience is ultimately solitary. That is what you seem to say here. I like this a lot.
Deletegood
ReplyDeleteA journey that went wrong
ReplyDeleteIt was on a great Monday like the rest that had passed when my father filled our minds with information which was filled with joy.
Our father had told us to pack our bags fast and put them in our lovely classic Mercedes Benz. Everyone full of joy as there were running around the house like headless chickens not knowing what to touch and pack.
We took of early in the morning maybe around six o’clock. All our faces were full of joy singing playing games on phones.
It was a long journey from our home place in Harare to the lovely country SouthAfrica.We were full of happiness until it turned into hunger. We stopped in Masvingo and got food near the great Zimbabwe.
We sat down in the car eating and for our father he was resting for the long journey that was left.
We took off at around eight o’clock as we were passing through the curves out us of the blue a drunk driver collided into our wonderful Mercedes Benz and left us shocked. As soon as we collide our minds went blank and my wonderful life flashed in front of me.
The worst thing that happened was the car we were in was bought three to four months. The police come to the position the accident happened and the driver started lying but luckily our sister had seen everything that had happened.
The youngest in the family had gotten hurt near the eye and was crying like a baby who had fallen. As soon as the police had finished the paperwork, they called a tow truck to pick us up. That very afternoon we had to rest in the car for some period time.
My father paid the tow guys and we then went to my father place to bath and for some food. We walked to the huge and confusing bus stop to buy tickets for a bus that lives at around two pm. At 2 pm shape we continued our journey.
Even though it turned to be a disaster we steel saw our lovely mother in South Africa.
THE END OF THE STORIE
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