Your assignment is to write a story of 800 words that centers on an epiphany. An epiphany is a sudden realization, usually about something of importance.
Your story is due at the end of Wednesday's class.
What was I thinking? There was no reason for me to ever believe that I was right in this argument. I looked back on the moment and realized how utterly stupid this whole thing was, and how I could have prevented it; if only I had kept an open mind instead insisting that I was right. Why did I do that? I’m never that stubborn. I would have never done what I did or said what I said under normal circumstances. More importantly, what’s keeping me from just letting this go? It’s in the past now. Water under the bridge. Maybe it was the way I acted in my defense, which I now realize was completely uncalled for. But now I’m just writing in circles. A pretty vicious one, at that. Let’s go back to the night before. I was working on a project for school at a friend’s house. It was normal. Everything was as it should have been. But someone mentioned something and the other said something else and it turned into this huge thing that I didn’t even want to be a part of anymore. The specifics aren’t that important. What’s important is that I let my pride get away with me, which normally never happens. But that’s what pride does, I guess. It’s almost like it makes you tie your own noose, but leads you to trust that it could never hurt you, simply because you made it. Why would anything you create ever hurt you? It owed you, no matter how dangerous it would have been to anyone else. I guess that was my epiphany; the noose analogy. After the fact, like right now, it seems foolish to make something as dangerous as a noose and convince yourself that you can’t be hurt by it. But when you’re tying it, doesn’t it make you feel so powerful? You feel as though it puts you above everyone else. “Look what I made everyone! It may have the ability to kill you, but I made it!” You think then that everyone is in reverence of you, calling you a genius and immediately willing to concede to your every whim, but you only look like a fool. You don’t yet realize what it could actually do to you if you or someone else had the chance. The thing with tying knots like that is that they require close attention and utmost adherence to instruction. This tunnel vision prevents you from seeing that everyone else has the same power as you do; that tying a noose isn’t as hard as you might think; same with dying by it. It’s so easy. It’s like pride actively looks for instances in which it can show itself, and the noose it’s crafted so skillfully. Like when you’re just having a casual conversation with someone you don’t necessarily know that well and your opinions are just a little too different. Or maybe like two notes on a piano that may be a little too close, and when played simultaneously, they pierce the ear with a horrid dissonance; it frustrates you that the other person might have it only slightly wrong. Why can’t they just accept this one thing? It’s so easy! All they need to do is let go of their pretensions and feel exactly how I feel because I’m right! My noose is obviously better than theirs!
Well of course, with any weapon, there comes a time when you need to put the noose away. There are better ways to make your adversaries concede to your demands, even though “adversaries” is kind of the wrong word; how about, “people who don’t agree with you”. Nice and simple. There are better ways, like acknowledging the fact that you can’t really change people. The only ones who can change them are themselves. All you can do is provide your insight peacefully and non-threateningly and possibly hope that they listen. After all, it’s their choice. For all you know, they could think you’re completely full of crap and not even bother to consider your thoughts. Even though that’s the worst case scenario a lot of the time, there are inevitably some people who will think that way of you. That’s when you start making that noose. You start formulating ways to make them believe you’re right, no matter how outlandish. But right then, when you feel your blood pumping and your fingers contracting into a fist, as if that would reinforce your point, is where you need to remember how dangerous nooses can be, how many people they’ve killed, and how easily it can kill you. I wish I had thought of that last night. It gets hard when your tunnel vision prevents you from seeing reason, especially when you throw caution to the wind when you take out that rope. The best way to making a friend out of an enemy is to not become one yourself.
Absolutely love this. Your use of metaphor is outstanding. Stylistically, I think it is cool that you chose to go in a more non-fiction route, and it's still intriguing because it is not dry. it still has a narrative flair.
There was no love at first sight to Dirty Dan; true love didn’t even exist to him. Still he, just like every other human, craved human affection. Who doesn’t want to be loved? D.D went around, as much as he didn’t believe in love, and searched for a life-time companion. Someone he could have fun with but not love; how can you feel something that isn’t there? Although, there was this one time where he thought he found it. Her smile lit up any room and her laugh made that room burst with sunshine. At least, it did for him. She had a sense of humor like no other and it never failed to put a smile on his face. Her name was Sam. She hated it when people called her Samantha and she wasn’t shy about letting people know that. Even though she seemed like a social butterfly, he could see her insecurities and how shy she really was. D.D could also see her flaws but he loved every single one of them. He loved her. A man who thought love could never exist in this world, and especially not for him, had found the love of his life. How often does someone get the chance to say they are with the love of their life? Not very often and, unfortunately, neither did Dirty Dan. She was also a non-believer and wouldn’t even try to believe in love for his sake. Instead of being consumed with gloom, D.D allowed himself to be consumed with phone numbers. He went from girl to girl in hopes of distraction. He couldn’t let himself think of her and the wrong done by her. Dirty Dan didn’t want to believe in love anymore, because it could only lead to heartbreak for him. As much as he didn’t want to, D.D couldn’t help but to believe in it. Every girl he went through was a girl he couldn’t possibly love, even if he gave it a chance (which he didn’t). At the rate he was going, no girl would possibly meet his standards. He was ready to give up and settle on a dog and a couple beers. One night, while he was sitting at home, his phone rang. A phone number that he feared he would never see again was calling. It was her.
D.D picked it up and listened to the other line. After only a few minutes, he was in his car and breaking multiple speed laws. He parked outside an all-too-familiar apartment building. He didn’t waste time trying to find his old spot, but sprinted up the stairs to her apartment. The door was unlocked so he burst with excitement but also rattled nerves. She was on the couch with a pint of ice cream and tears. Sam. She turned and her long hair sprawled out and down her shoulder. Tears stained her face but she still looked beautiful to him. D.D picked her up in his arms and gave her a hug that he didn’t even know he was capable of. He felt her shoulders shaking but he was too nervous to see if she was crying from happiness or not. He knew that when you love someone you love them no matter what their tears are from. So he looked at her face and saw a smile; he was so relieved. She offered him some ice cream and a seat. She was the one crying but she was acting like he was the one that needed to be taken care of. After he sat, Sam went into a very long story. Ever since they had broken up, she felt horrible. She couldn’t sleep without a guilty sensation crawling into her mind. There were a lot of times where she had almost called him, but she thought he had moved on. Sam had heard of all the girls he had “dated” and figured that she was nowhere in his mind. D.D stopped her there and told her that she was always on his mind. It was very difficult trying to get her out of his head. Sam smiled that smile that brightens up a room even if it’s dark out. That night, she had finally worked up the nerve to call him but she didn’t know what to say. When he answered, she just broke down crying. Sam lost any hope of seeing him when he hung up but then he was there holding her. Sam had never believed in love at first sight; to her there was no such thing as love. Then, she met Dirty Dan and love popped up out of nowhere. She should have realized it was love but she thought it was impossible to feel that way. One day, after she had lost the best thing she had, she suddenly realized nothing is impossible especially not love.
“Wait… What? None of it is real?” Questioned young Timmy.
“My whole life up until now has been a lie.” Proclaimed Timmy.
Suddenly all of Timmy’s 8 years of life passed over and over again through his mind. Trying to put the pieces together and trying to comprehend what would happen on Christmas and every single time he put a tooth under his pillow and when he would find eggs scattered around the fields. The three instances that hit him the most was the time when he lost a tooth and his mom was checking under his pillow. It all started one night that Timmy was not feeling so well therefore had trouble sleeping any slightest movement or sound would startle him and he would wake up. He had also lost a tooth that day so the tooth fairy was supposed to come. However, he woke up to his mother lifting the pillow and looking for the tooth with some change in her hand. But of course like any other kid he asked, “Mom what are you doing? Why do you have money in your hand? And why are you under my pillow?”
“Well honey I just came back from the store, that’s why I have coins in my hand and when I was walking in I heard a strange noise so I came up to see what it was and if someone had stolen your tooth.” Timmy’s mom answered swiftly.
“Oh alright thanks mom but you can leave now because you’re scaring the tooth fairy away.” Said Timmy.
Then the second time was that I walked into my parents’ room on Christmas Eve to find them wrapping our Christmas gifts. But they said that they were not wrapping the Christmas presents that’s Santa’s job. Therefore I asked, “If it is his job why are you doing it?” But of course I got such a clever response coming from such master minds.
“Oh no… the thing is… you see it is that Santa needed a little help because he has to wrap so many. But you cannot tell your friends that we help Santa because then they will get jealous that your mommy and daddy help Santa. So this is why we have to keep this little secret between us and Santa.” The last time I found something strange was last Easter when I found my dad egg handed. I was walking around a field before the hunting of the eggs started. While I was walking around I found my dad with an egg in his hand and he was placing it down and in a bag he had more eggs in it.
“Dad what are you doing are you stealing the eggs or are you placing them down?” Timmy questioned his dad.
“I would never steal eggs from the Easter bunny.” Timmy’s dad said firmly.
“So the Easter bunny is not real because it looks like you are placing the eggs down.” Timmy cried.
“No no no the Easter bunny is as real as I am it is just that he was very tired today so I was helping him place the eggs down.” Timmy’s dad explained.
That was the last straw everything was too fishy I started asking questions. I also questioned other family members if these so called “The Tooth Fairy”, “Santa”, and “The Easter Bunny” were real. But all of them gave the same answer, “Yes, they are really”; as if they were all brainwashed to give the same answer. But I came to my last resort… the internet where I found the real answer, no they are not real. So I confronted my parents today and asked them one final time and they finally gave in. This is the day when the truth came out and I found out my whole life has been a lie and I said, “Wait… What? None of it is real?” Questioned young Timmy.
“My whole life up until now has been a lie.” Proclaimed Timmy.
Gavin flinched backwards, quickly wiping his eyes and shaking his head. “Listen, I know you’re pissed at me.” Gavin kept his voice low; the door was still propped open a bit to keep it from locking, and he didn’t want anyone to hear him inside. “You can’t blame me though. I mean, I am part of the Syndicate. How am I not supposed to help them capture you? They’re good with their prisoners , Damian, they’ll-” Damian blocked out the rest of what Gavin was saying. His anger was beginning to empower him. This lying little prick had given him away once he was in the safety of his friends. He should have seen it coming. Glancing up and seeing that he was still babbling, Damian growled and lunged forward. “Piss off! You know what your leader did to me? He dislocated my jaw and cracked me over the head! That was the first time he ever even saw me! Good with prisoners, they’re good at interrogating their prisoners. I trusted you and you stabbed me in the back, so just go. And while you’re gone, tell one of your big bad superiors to tell Isaac to go screw himself.” Gavin sighed, standing up slowly and walking out of the room. “Screw you, too!” Damian yelled, but the door slammed shut, and Damian sobbed in his prison and suffered the echoes of his own contempt. The days passed slowly for Damian. He ate, he crapped, he cried, he thought, he yelled, and he slept. This was in no particular order, as he just did whatever he had to to keep himself occupied. He tried to do things to keep himself from going insane for a while, but he gave that up in no time. Insanity had a seductive appeal to it after spending an immeasurable amount of time in a black room with only himself to keep him company. He’d gone delusional. It was to the point where he’d simply close his eyes and think of things that could be happening outside. All of mankind could be dead. Magi, man, Dominion, Syndicate, it could all be wiped out by now, and he was locked up missing it all. He chuckled to himself. He wondered, briefly, if the squirrels would survive. Adorable little rascals, squirrels were. He’d always thought so. They were like ninjas, climbing up trees and along wires effortlessly. Whenever there were big storms that would knock over trees, like a hurricane or tornado, where would the squirrels go? They live in trees, don’t they? So you’d think that they would all die eventually, but nope. Somehow, the squirrels keep coming back. He thought of the crazy places they could get themselves into to hide from the storms when the thought dissipated suddenly, and he was left to his hollow prison.
He awoke one day to the sound of the door being fiddled with. It seemed to be stuck, as the sound of the door being unlocked by Isaac and his men to interrogate him was made, and yet the door wouldn’t open. The sound went from a slight jimmying to the sound of a body being thrown against the door. It broke from its hinges and slammed heavily on the ground with sounds of panic and pain following. The hallway was glowing with a slight orange light that was sending shadows dancing frantically and morbidly across the walls. People were screaming in anguish and yelling to either run, get out, or to put them out. The base was on fire. Into his cell rushed two figures which Damian couldn’t immediately recognize, he was still groggy from being so violently awakened. Damn, this cell really was soundproof to hold out all of that ruckus. One of them took cover behind the door and kept watch while the other shouted something at Damian as he started fiddling with his restraints. Damian couldn’t understand a word he said, he just stared groggily. Why was he so disabled? He wasn’t usually this bad after waking up, could they have drugged him? His thoughts were interrupted by a loud shattering noise. Damian snapped his eyes to his left and saw that the man had decided to stomp on the crystal chains until they broke. The one in the doorway shouted something involving “cuffs” and “can’t use magic” and the man who shattered the restraints became more frustrated. He whipped out what looked like a Bowie knife and clicked something on the handle which, somehow, wrapped the blade in glowing, pure white plasma. He took the blade and carefully cut the cuffs from Damian with surgical precision. Damian groaned a dizzy “thank you” to his savior, who then helped him up and called over the other man who was covering the door. As they both positioned themselves under Damian’s arms, he also noticed that the one with the Bowie knife had a large metal pole on his back, and the other had a sniper rifle on his back and a revolver in the other. They helped the hobbling Damian through the doorway and were immediately overcome by the smoke and heat filling the base. Damian could finally make out what people were saying, but the base was so loud with screams and cries for help that in his mind he wished to be locked up again. The three wandered around hallways and tried to keep low to avoid inhaling too much smoke. “We have to find the elevator, now!” A strangely familiar English accent spoke. “Never use elevators in a fire! have you ever been part of a drill?” Scolded the other, eerily familiar voice. They both sighed with distress as they continued to wander through the halls. Eventually they came upon the doors to the main headquarters, but gunfire could be heard. The two blurs of men looked at each other, unsure of what to do.
I think this is the best excerpt you've submitted so far. I love "echoes of his contempt." There is so much insight into the experience here, and, as always, a great sense of humor. Very entertaining and intelligent writing.
Chase was captain of the football team, he was class president, he was at the top of his class in academics, and he had a full ride to the University of Notre Dame. He lived in an enormous house with his perfect family, living his perfect life. That is exactly what it was, he was perfect. Not to mention his beautiful girlfriend who was the captain of the cheerleading team. Everything was going just great, until one day things changed. Chase and his girlfriend Amy were out one night with some friends at a restaurant. Their waitress was a girl who went to their school; she was quiet and kept to herself. She really only interacted with her friends and the other kids in the band. Sam was not like Amy at all, and maybe that is what caught Chase’s eye. When he saw her that night, he was not positive about whom she was, where she lived, anything about her, he did not even know what her name was. All Chase knew was that she was different, and he liked it. He went through yearbooks, class pictures, anything he could get his hands on he took. Finally he came up with the name Sam. Every day after that, all Chase could do was admire her from a far. He knew he could not do anything about Sam because he was with Amy. He did not even know what Sam thought of him let alone if she liked him. So one day he came up with an idea. He was going to write to her anonymously and hopefully she would respond to them. He wrote out the first letter telling her about how beautiful she was and everything that he admired about her and found where her locker was and just slipped it through. Then he had to wait for her to get the letter and he had to pray that she would answer it, simply because Chase was dying to talk to her even though it was anonymous. He did not care, he just wanted some type of interaction with this girl that he felt he could never have. He was so worried about what his friends would say if he dated a girl like that or what the guys on the team would say, he was so self-conscious about this and did not know what to do. It worried him so much that he stopped doing what made him happy. He let Amy take complete control of him and he hated it. So finally, he told her how he felt and told her what needed to happen. She could not believe that he broke up with her. She felt that she had some sort of right to be with Chase because she was “popular.” He was so relieved about what he had done. Now the only thing he could do was wait for a response from Sam, and he got one. She thanked him for the comments and said it was so sweet and nice, but she wanted to know who it was. Now Chase had a decision to make. He had to decide if he wanted to do what his heart was telling him to do, or was he going to do whatever was going to hold up his reputation. He thought about it for a long time and eventually realized that he did not care what anyone else thought of him. It is not their lives so what does it matter to them? So Chase wrote to Sam a few days later telling her to meet him in the gym after school and she would find out who it was. He slipped the note in her locker and waited for the final bell to ring. He sat nervously in the gym waiting, hoping that she would show up. About five minutes later, the door opened and she walked in. As she approached him, she seemed confused. “Chase? You are the one who have been writing these letters? Why would you do that when you have Amy? Why would you even think about a girl like me regardless? You are literally perfect in every way, shape and form!” She explained.
Chase sat there for a second unsure of what to say. He then responded with, “Amy and I broke up. Ever since then you are the only thing that has been on my mind. Trust me, a lot of things may have worked out for me in my life but I am far from perfect. Besides, in my eyes, all I see YOU as is perfect.”
As soon as he said that, something just clicked in Sam’s head and she had this feeling in the pit of her stomach and she knew he was not lying. She had no proof, just words and a gut feeling, and that was all she needed. The weekend passed and Chase and Sam walked into school that Monday hand in hand. As they walked through the doors it seemed like everyone had stopped and turned to them. Chase did not care, although Sam was a little hesitant. They kept walking until a guy on the football team said something. “Dude, what are you doing with her?” He uttered ignorantly.
Chase turned to him with eyes of fury. He looked at Sam and then back at the kid. “You know, when you stop caring what people think of you, I found out that it is so much better than feeling like you have to please everyone all the time. You know something else; you should probably try it some time.” He said confidently.
Chase turned back to Sam, took her hand and continued walking down the hallway.
Excellent job. You did a great job of executing the assignment. Your narrative is entertaining, and has a lot of heart. Sounds like someone's been watching a lof of The Fosters.
Another day I wake up attempting over and over again to open my eyes. It felt like it took several centuries to open my eyes. Finally I opened them and the world never looked so dark to me before. I dragged myself off my bed felling like a zombie had taken over my body. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt like my eyes were black. I have never had that much trouble trying to sleep in my life. I continuously turned in my bed feeling like I had someone in my room that was ready to come after me. Then once I finally feel asleep I would continuously get up feeling hot. It came to the point that I was sweaty and felt very lightheaded. Something was bothering me but I couldn’t tell what it was. Then I finally fell to sleep and then the worst thing had to happen, I had to finally wake to get ready to go to school. I took a nice cold shower to wake myself up. It didn’t help much because I could feel my eyes slowly closing. I grabbed an apple when I was done getting ready and walked outside. My friends were waiting for me like usual. I got to school and went to my locker. I then felt someone come up to me and grab me by my waist. I felt a kiss on my cheek and I turned to see that it was my boyfriend Daniel. I hugged him and went back to collecting me things. “So are you ready for tonight?” He asked me. “What’s going on tonight?” I asked him. “Don’t tell me you forgot.” He said. “I didn’t forget it’s just that I have a lot of things going on. Please tell me I had a horrible night. Tell me please.” I pleaded. “Our date.” He murmured. “I remember I will be ready by seven. You see once you refresh my memory there is no problem. Sorry I forgot but like I said I have so much happening with me lately. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I assure you that in a week I will be back to my old self.” I assured him. He gave me a light kiss and I closed my locker. He grabbed my hand and we went to our first period class. Our first few periods went by very quickly and now it was time to go to lunch. I sat with my boyfriend and our friends: Mike, Rebecca, Andrew, Christina, and Oliver. I sat next to Oliver and Daniel. Daniel was never happy that I would sit next to Oliver because even though we were still friends Oliver had a crush on me. Mike and Rebecca were together just like Andrew and Christina were together; I swear they have been together since they were like five years old. Daniel was the jealous type which came with its advantages and disadvantages. I knew that he cared about me but at times he would become very violent and try to fight the other guys that would flirt with me. This almost happened with Oliver. Oliver was at my house because he had just broken up with his girlfriend. Him and I have been friends for more time than anyone else in my table. Our mothers were best friends. So we grew up being almost like brother and sister. I don’t look at him like anything else but a brother. Well Daniel and I had a date that night but I told him what happened with Oliver. Daniel decided to postpone our date to help out our friend. Oliver and I were in my backyard and I put my head on his shoulder thinking about the good old times. He reached his arm over me and I pulled back shaking my head knowing that this was not okay. He grabbed my cheek and pulled myself to him and he kissed me. I pulled back and slapped him. He held his face and we heard a cough come from the gate. I looked over and saw it was Daniel. I stood up and Daniel came charging and threw Oliver to the floor. I threw myself covering Oliver making sure that he didn’t get another punch. Daniel looked at me and stopped. From there on Oliver and Daniel have had a tension between them.
“So you guys, my girl and I are going out tonight.” Daniel said while putting his arm around me. He kissed me and we got booed by our table. I laughed and ate a grape while holding onto his hand. Oliver never looked at Daniel and I whenever we made a sign of affection. I looked over to Oliver and he gave me a sweet smile. Ever since what happened him and I are not that close anymore. I feel bad but then again I don’t. Before I knew it lunch was over but like always I wasn’t truly paying attention to what the group was saying. I’ve been so distracted lately. My stepfather had been fired from his job and so has my mother. Things are tight in my household and I don’t know what to say or do to make anything better. Each class went by and I truly didn’t care. In just a blink of the eye school was over and I was happy. I just wanted to go to sleep once I hit my bed and then go out with my boyfriend and look forward to this weekend. I went to my locker and noticed that my boyfriend was walking over my way. I closed my locker and leaned against it looking at him smiling. He made a couple of silly faces and I couldn’t help but laugh. He made my day and helped me forget about everything that was happening in my life. He walked over to me and kissed me. He grabbed my hand and we headed towards his car. Him and I decided that he was going to drive me home today. When we got to my house I climbed out to his car and went to his window. He lowered it with a questioning look. I leaned in and kissed his cheek and went inside my house. I looked outside the window to see if he was still there and he was holding his cheek smiling. I giggled and I went on my couch. I turned on the television and covered myself up with a blanket. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off into my own world. “Rachel! Open up the door. Please we need to talk.” I heard a distant voice. I slowly opened my eyes and squinted trying to see what was happening. I looked over to the clock and it was five it was too early for my boyfriend to come. He probably was going to come early to hang out with me. I slowly got up and went on my feet. I then headed towards the door and opened it. In front of me was Oliver. I was surprised and let him in. I turned on the lights and walked to the opposite side where he was sitting. I offered him a drink but he denied me and said that he had to tell me something really quick and that he would be on his way. I saw him continue to fidget. It was starting to get me nervous. I quickly composed myself and reached over and touched his hand. “Tell me.” I told him. “Rachel. I know that from what happened with you and I our relationship has never been the same again. Well I want you to know that I will wait for you. Once you and Daniel break up I will be here with open arms waiting for you. I love you and I will never stop loving you. You mean everything to me. So please come with me and forget about Daniel. All he will bring into your life is tragedy. Please let me prevent that.” He told me. “Oliver stop. You have to leave. I love Daniel with all my heart and he loves me. You have to leave or we will no longer be friends. I don’t want the same thing that happened with Daniel to happen again.” I told him.
I looked at him with anger coming out of my eyes and saw that Oliver got up and left. I locked the door behind him and looked at the time it was five thirty. I quickly ran upstairs to get ready. Time went by quickly and before I knew it the clock said it was seven. I finished my hair. I loved the way I looked. I had a tight black dress with red vibrant heels. I had a smokey eye with a light subtle lipstick. I had cross earnings that I have been dying to get since I was ten. My hair was curled and my nails were French tip. I thought I looked hot and I went downstairs right in time. Daniel was knocking on the door. I opened it up and he was in a very nice outfit. He kissed me and held out his hand. I giggled and took it and left my house. I went into his car and we went to the nice restaurant that he has been telling me he has saved up for. We got escorted to our table. Our food came and the night seemed perfect. There was nothing better than this. Right when I thought that we were about to leave I saw that Daniel gestured me to sit. He grabbed his cup of water and made sure everyone in the restaurant was paying attention to him. He looked at me and I saw that his eyes were starting to water. I grabbed my chest feeling my heart was falling deeper in love with this person. I tried to hold back my tears feeling that what he was about to say was going to be something touching. “Thank you everyone for your attention. Well this lovely lady that you see sitting in front of me is my girlfriend. We are seniors in high school and since my freshman year we have been going out. Well she has made my time in high school unforgettable. We fight and we laugh but most importantly we love each other. I remember the first time I was going to tell her that I loved her. I was so nervous of her reaction. Then I remember grabbing her cheek after a big fight and wiping away the tear that I made her shed. I was disappointed in myself that I made someone that meant everything to me cry. I took a deep breath and kissed her and told her I loved her. This relationship has had its up and down. But tonight I want to make something special. Today is our anniversary. I think she probably thinks I forgot about it and hasn’t brought it up, but I will never forget this special day where I got to be with the girl that I love. In front of all of you tonight I would like to say that Rachel I love you with everything I have. I would like to give you this necklace that conations a picture of your father and grandfather, people who were very special in your life. I know their death was very hard for you to cope with, but here is something that I know that will help you keep them with you forever. Happy four year anniversary. I love you. Thank you for your time everyone.” Daniel said chocking back his tears. He held out his arms and I threw myself into them and kissed him. Everyone behind us began to clap. I giggled and he put on my jacket and left the restaurant. “I love the gift Daniel. My favorite part was the speech. That’s something I will never forget. I love you.” I told him. “I knew you were going to like the gift. So I know that we were going to exchange gifts so stop putting off the gift and give it to me. I’m eager to see what you got me.” He told me. “Oh my. I forgot about our anniversary. Should I tell him? I forgot to get him a gift. I have had so many things happening in my life that I completely forgot.” I told myself in my head. I took off my necklace and held out my arm. Daniel pushed it back and nodded his head. “You forgot didn’t you?” I shook my head, “At least this year I didn’t forget. I completely understand. I know you are going through many things. Your mother and I talked. I’m just happy you are still by my side that’s all I ask for. I love you. Don’t put yourself down.” He told me. “I promise I will get you something.” I said after giving him a kiss. I put on the necklace and knew that everything was going to be okay.
Great story, but please go back and look at all of the errors you made in the area of punctuation. There are so many errors that it is very hard to read.
“Ahhhh!” I screamed as my fist went through the wall. The plaster caved under the weight of my blow. My hand ached, but it felt good, or at least it felt better than the rest of me did. Why me? It was a question I’d asked myself frequently throughout the course of the past few years, but today I really wanted an answer. Why me? For the first time something had finally been going right in my life, and then it somehow managed to slip through my fingers. She’d come into my life almost two years ago, and she was perfect. For once I had someone to care about that wasn’t me. She helped me fix myself and I helped her to fix herself, we were one another’s rocks. We held each other up when everything around us came tumbling down. She made me a better person. I wasn’t a good guy when we first started dating, and she changed that. She made me into the person I’d always wanted to be. But in the last couple of years I wasn’t the only one who had changed, she changed too, and not for the better. We both had messed up lives, and both came from messed up families, and we’d always been able to help each other through it. Everything changed the day her grandmother died though. Her grandmother was her best friend, and she’d taken her own life. When she left this world, she took a piece of her granddaughter with her, a piece I was never able to put back. I remember going to the wake. I’d never been to a wake before, and I hadn’t met most of her family, but I went anyway to show my support. I held strong and said hello to everyone, but she just stared blankly at the casket, stone faced, like she wasn’t even really there. It took her awhile, but eventually she did start to get better, and things were almost normal again. I was happy, I had her, but I didn’t realize that I had already begun to lose her. The day before prom was the first time she uttered the words “I think we need to break up.” It was so sudden, and I didn’t really know what to say. She’d said it so carelessly like it didn’t even matter. I tried desperately to get her to explain why, but nothing she said made sense. “Just tell me what I did wrong,” I begged. “Nothing. You didn’t do anything wrong. Just forget I said anything. We’re taking pictures here tomorrow right? I’ll be over at six.” And that was it; she just got up and left my room without saying anything else. The next night was as if nothing had even happened. We had a nice night, and she looked beautiful, and as much as I wanted to be happy I couldn’t be, because for the first time, I realized that the smile she wore on her face was just for show. It wasn’t real anymore, and hadn’t been real for months. We broke up shortly after summer started. I remember how empty I felt not having her, and how hard it was not understanding exactly why weren’t together.
I did my best to leave her alone for as long as I could, but eventually I cracked. “Hey,” I whispered into the phone. “Do you think I could come over and get my jersey back?” I didn’t really care about the jersey; I just wanted a chance to see her. “Sure,” she said. “Can you come now?” My heart practically leapt out of my chest. “I’ll be right there.” I said. When I got to her house she was waiting for me in her doorway. I said hello, but she only smiled in response. She led me upstairs to her room where the jersey was laying spread out on her bed. As I went to pick it up she put her hand on my arm. “I miss you,” she murmured. I turned and looked down at her, the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. There were tears forming in her eyes. She opened her mouth and visibly forced out the words, “I’m so sorry. I just-.” “I love you,” I said stopping her. I took her face in my hands and brought it to mine. We were together again for another few months. They were the last months we’d ever spend truly together. Once again I was happy, but not as happy as I had been when we were first together. I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel that way again, but every day I hoped that I would. In November the unthinkable happened. “She’s cheating on you.” I dropped my phone into my lap. I hadn’t really been paying attention until he said that. “What did you say?” My friend licked his lips and his eyes faltered from mine. “Listen man don’t get mad at me, I just thought you should know.” “You’re wrong.” I said exasperated. “Where did you hear that bullshit?” “I’ve just been hearing it, that’s all. Look I wouldn’t say anything if I wasn’t sure it was true.” His eyes met mine. When I went home that night I couldn’t sleep. It told myself over and over that it couldn’t be true. It couldn’t possibly be true. She’d never do that. Would she? There was only one way to find out. A friend of hers that she hung out with often was someone I knew very well. This girl and I go way back. We’d been friends for a long time and I knew she’d never lie to me. “Samantha, I need to ask you a question,” I said over the phone. I was pacing back and forth across my room. “What’s up kid?” she asked. “Why didn’t you tell me she was cheating on me?” There was a long pause on the line and my heart stopped. “I-I only just found out. I just… I didn’t think it was my place to say anything.” I couldn’t listen anymore, and in anger I whipped my phone against the wall. It shattered and pieces tinkered all over the floor. But I didn’t care. As quickly as my anger had come it was gone. I didn’t feel anything, I was already numb. When I finally confronted her about it, she didn’t even deny it. She didn’t even seem to feel bad. There was no apology. She was just didn’t care, and that made me even angrier. For the next couple of months, I wasn’t myself. I had trouble eating and I lost a lot of weight. I drank a lot. I just wanted to forget, and when I was sober, I remembered it all. I fell to pieces and nothing could fix me. I was lost and I couldn’t find my way. By June, I still wasn’t over it. I felt empty still, but at least I was functioning. Then one night at a party, I saw her. “Hey,” she said in passing, her smile was bright, just the way it used to be. I couldn’t open my mouth to speak and she walked into the other room. It didn’t take long before we both broke down and talked to each other. It was hard to believe that after all this time we were still so in love with one another. We decided to take some time and try to work things out. Maybe, we thought, if we could just take things slowly, it would all work out in the end.
The thing about this time though, is that I was glad to have her, but when I was with her I didn’t feel that happiness anymore. It was replaced by anxiety. The happiness was replaced with an obsession to keep her and a fear of losing her. I was afraid of losing her, and now I had. The night before the fourth of July we were at a party at our friend’s house. She was acting a little strange but I wasn’t worried, not at the time. Then I saw Samantha. You could tell by her face that she was upset, she’d never been very good at hiding her emotions. “What’s wrong?” I asked her. She gave me a look that I was surprised didn’t kill me right on the spot. “Nothing,” she snapped and stormed off out the door. I followed her. “Come on Sammy, just tell me what’s wrong.” She stumbled, obviously a little drunk. “Just leave me alone,” she said walking around to the front of the house. I caught up to her, grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around. “Samantha just tell me what’s wrong.” She looked away for a second and then sat down on the step outside the front door. She took a deep breath and then just started uncontrollably rambling. It was hard to understand her. She was talking fast and slurring her words to the point where she was almost inaudible. “Of course she has to be here,” she said throwing her hands up in the air. She continued to talk, and then she said something that caught my attention. “And I was with Jon, and then I felt bad because I thought Allie would get mad because she likes him and-.” She stopped, her eyes wide and looked up at me. She likes him? Allie? My Allie? For a moment I was frozen, and then before I could even think I was storming through a crowd of people. I’d never been so angry before in my life. I wasn’t thinking, and it’s hard to even really remember any of it. All I know is that there was screaming and tears. Now here I am, alone in my room; knuckle throbbing and heart aching. But the longer I sat, the calmer I become. The thing is, there was no denying that I loved this girl. She made me happier than anyone in the world ever could. But she also crushed me without even thinking twice. I knew I’d have feeling for her forever, but how could I not? The problem was that she was messed up, and in her eyes, I was no longer the one who could help her. I loved her, but I didn’t need her, not anymore. My phone buzzed and I saw her name pop up on the screen. It was her. I took a deep breath and hit ignore. The screen was blank and I was the only one in the room, but suddenly it didn’t really feel so lonely. I lay back on my bed and looked up at my ceiling. For the first time in a long time, it felt good to just have some time to myself.
The progression of things here is so realistic. The spectrum of emotions your central character experiences really echoes with truth. I like this very much. Beautifully unfolded.
“Class, please give your attention to the board for a moment; I have some literary terms up that I would like you to define.” I look up to the board and I see three vocab words scribbled across the board in Mr. Hatton’s horrible handwriting. The rest of my tenth grade English class attempted to lift their heads just enough off the desk along with me to see what Mr. Hatton had for us to define today. “Irony, Allusion, and Epiphany.” Mr. Hatton slowly read allowed as if we could not pronounce the words ourselves. A couple people snicker. Mr. Hatton’s definitions are always words that we already know. But Epiphany was a word that I had heard of but never truly understood. It had a nice ring to it. Then the bell rang and Mr. Hatton attempted to call out to us to write the words down. However, no one was too worried about the “assignment” that he wouldn’t check and would give us the answer to the fallowing day. That afternoon was a normal one; arrive home, bring in the mail, help my siblings with homework, do a little of my own, and then head down for dinner. Nothing special. Aside from dinner; which was always delicious. My dad was the owner and head chef of a restaurant in town, and he always claimed that we were eating food that had been picked at and sent back, or dropped by a waitress on the way to the table; but we all knew that he had made the dinner special, just for us. There are six of us; my father, my mother, myself and my triplet sisters. My mom cannot cook. She sometimes jokes that this is the sole reason she married him. After dinner I helped get my siblings ready for bed and my mother reads them a bedtime story. Normally I sit in and act out the story for them to keep them interested, but today I decide to actually do my English homework and look up the key terms. “Dad?” “Yes son?” “is the internet fixed?” Pause. I hear my mom stop reading, awaiting his answer “Um, yes…it is?” He was supposed to have set it up months ago. All he needed to do was hire the guy that set up the wireless connection for the customers at his restaurant. I really hope it is working. I go onto my computer and click the internet icon and I immediately regret wasting my time with it in the first place. “Dad?”
“Yes..” “Do we have a dictionary?” “Is the internet working?” My mom chimes in. “Sure” I mumble just loud enough so she can hear. I don’t really want to rat out my dad but it is also a bit frustrated that he did not fix this. “It’s in the basement. I think on the shelf down there with all of my cookbooks from college. Or maybe in the closet” Thanks dad. We have four closets in our basement, by the way. So this is what our basement actually is. Only half of it is finished. The other half is all storage and it has two closets in there, one with a pantry and one that somewhat hides our sump pump and furnace. Most people wouldn’t actually build a closet around their sump pump and furnace. But my mom did not want to look at it when she has guests over; because apparently they spend all of their time while visiting looking at the back corner of our unfinished basement. Anyway unless someone is playing a practical joke, I don’t really think the dictionary would be in there. The pantry also has some of my dad’s old cook books, so it could be with them, but I don’t really want to look there yet since I am not wearing socks and the floor is cold back there. So instead I check the bookshelf we have. There is a small thesaurus and dictionary that I got in second grade, and when I look, it does not have any of the definitions that I need. Next I check the closet on the finished side in our basement. This one has games, and when I check, no dictionary. I debate for a moment whether or not I should run upstairs to get socks. Then I have a great idea. I will grab the small pillows from the basement sofa to slide on in the back. That way my feet won’t freeze when I am looking for the dictionary. I grab the pillows and slowly slide towards the closet door. It takes forever but at least my feet aren’t cold. Halfway there I start to think about how stupid this is. And when I finally get to the door I suddenly realize that I don’t care what the definition of epiphany means. I hop off the pillows, snatch them up and make a run for the door. It’s time to act out some bedtime stories.
My family tells me to quit, my friends tell me to quit, and everyone says it’s bad for me, and I know it is, but I just think we are all going to die who cares. I finish a pack of cigarettes in two days. I read all the warnings on the sides of the pack, but nothing fazes me, we are all going to die one day no one knows when, but why should I stop now considering I only have one life, and I want to enjoy something that makes me happy. I have been smoking since I was 18 ever since then I have not gone a day without one. I know smoking is bad for you and I should quit before it kills me, but I don’t want to, even if I do quit I already killed myself enough with all the smoking I have done. There is a 10 mile run for charity next week and I have signed myself up for it. I told all my family and they all keep saying that it’s not a good idea because of so much smoking I have done I will never make it to the end, but they will still come to support me. I really don’t care what they have to say about me smoking and how I won’t finish, I know I can finish I feel great even with all the smoking I do. I even told my coworkers about the 10 mile run I’m doing and they all just gave me strange looks, but still said I hope you do well. Before I could complete signing up I had to get a psychical to make sure my body can handle the run. The doctor did a normal psychical to make sure my lungs were ok to handle it because he knew I was a smoker. I went to the hospital and had the x-rays done and they sent them over to the doctor. The doctor called me in the next day to show me the results. As I sat there he looked at the x-rays and then looked at me and said if you don't quit you will die sooner than you think, your lungs are slowly shutting down and anymore smoking will change the way your lungs look and work. I sat there and just looked at it. He told me I could do the run, but I better stop smoking and take it easy on the run. I walked out of the doctor’s office and lit a cigarette as I smoked it I just looked at it.
It didn't really faze me what the doctor said he probably was just lying to me. I never told my parents or anyone what the doctor said to me because I know they would do everything they could to get me to stop and I didn't want to. It was the week of the run. I didn't stop smoking I still smoked the same way I did every day since I was 18. As each day ended I kept in the back of my mind what the doctor said to me that day. The morning of the run I got up early got ready and went to the store to get a new pack of cigarettes then headed to the run. Once I got there I smoked one cigarette before getting my number and getting ready. As the other runs walked by they looked and turned their head and talked. I heard some people say is he crazy, I heard others say I hope he doesn't plan to finish well, and I heard other people say he's not even going to get a mile. I just laughed and continued. I got my number and was set to run. I felt the adrenaline running through my body and as I heard the words go I was on my way. I was doing great keeping up with everyone and faster than ever. As I got up in miles I felt my body slowing down. It became harder to breath and harder to continue. By the 9th mile I was failing. I was in last and to the point I was going to collapse, but I kept going. Everyone else was finished by the time I crossed the line. My heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, and I was on the ground gasping for breath. I looked up and saw my family panic and that's the moment I realized I need to stop smoking. My family, friends, and doctor were all right I need to stop before I killed myself sooner than I should. The next day I saw my doctor and talked to him about quitting and from that day forward I did not have another cigarette.
I remember looking at her and talking to her like it was nothing. I thought that I was just talking to the same person I always have for as long as I can remember. I watched her walk into my house and take off her coat. I remember her sitting on the couch and turning on the T.V. and everything just seemed right, but the problem was, that it wasn’t right. “Hey sweetie,” My Aunt was saying as she ran up to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Hi Aunt Diane,” I said back and I slowly walked up to her. Aunt Diane was my godmother, another person I looked up to because she was always there for me. Aunt Diane grabbed on to me and didn’t let me go and I was trying to break free. Aunt Diane did this to everyone, not just me and I watched her go around and grab and kiss everyone. Then I watched her seem so happy and loving, something I was always used to seeing from her. Aunt Diane made her rounds and I was sitting with my cousin, Jake. He was telling me about his birthday coming up and what he wanted for his birthday. Jake was so funny when he would ask me for things because he thought I was his Aunt and that’s how he grew up to know me. “Auntie Kirsten,” Jake said in an almost whisper voice. “Yes Jake,” I responded back. “Can you get me a toy truck for my birthday? I really want one and I asked my mom and she said no,” Jake asked me. I told him that I would think about it and I would let him know. My Aunt Diane walked up to me and she asked me what Jake was saying and I told her it was what he wanted for his birthday. She then told me that I should give it to him because no one is getting him a toy truck for his birthday. I told her that I would get it for him and she then smiled and gave me a kiss and I left. About a week went by and it was Jake’s birthday party. I noticed my Aunt Diane first and I walked up and gave her a hug and a kiss. I went to go find Jake and give him a big kiss. I found him among all the other kids who were playing with him. He saw me and ran up and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. Jake was so excited to see me and he asked if he can open the present I got him, but his mom said no and he had to wait. The party went on and on. I then sat down on the couch and watched the T.V. that was blaring over everyone. Aunt Diane came over and sat down next to me. “Are you having a good time,” she tried to talk over everyone who was talking. “Yes I am. Just a little tired. I had to work today” I then said to her. “How was work?” she then asked “It was fine.” But in reality it wasn’t. I had a horrible day and nobody even bothered to ask. My dad came into my job and made a big scene. I wouldn’t be surprised if they decided to fire me. “I can tell something bad happened at work. But I’m not going to ask what happened. But I can promise you one thing, sweetie. Everything is going to get better. It might not seem like it now, but I promise it will. You are going to keep working, your dad will grow up, and you are going to be happy. I can’t say how soon it will happen, but it will happen. I promise sweetie.” Aunt Diane always gave advice like that. It was just something she would always say but then she continued, “But sadly I won’t be here to see it. I won’t be able to watch you guys grow up and I’m really upset about that.”
“What do you mean Aunt Diane?” I sounded as if I was completely confused, probably because I was. Aunt Diane shrugged it off and said “I know I won’t be here to see it.” Tears came to my eyes and I said that she shouldn’t say that stuff. Aunt Diane smiled and gave me a kiss and grabbed me. She pulled me into a hug and whispered that she loved me. She then got up and started to talk to everyone else. I walked away. After the party was over, I went to go and find her to say goodbye, but I couldn’t find her. So I said goodbye to Jake and walked out of the house. We finally got home and my brother and sister ran up to their rooms. I walked into my mom’s room and she was sitting on the bed in tears. I asked her what was wrong and she struggled to tell me what was going on. Then finally she said it “Aunt Diane passed away last night sweetie.” I said that she was lying because I had a conversation with her today. My mom then told me that I didn’t because she passed away last night. I then realized that I wasn’t talking to Aunt Diane, I was talking to her spirit and that scared me. My mom gave me a hug and I began to cry. Later that night I walked into my room and I laid down. I woke up in the middle of the night and I looked around and my Aunt Diane was standing near the door. She then smiled and walked out of my room. It was the last time I saw her.
Its dark and cold, that’s all I know. I can't see my hand in front of my face. I grope the floor searching for clues of my surroundings, and find that it’s made out of soft, mushy sand. The sand squishes between my fingers as I crawl searching.... searching for...something. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. The sound repeats, reminding me of a vague memory that I should know. A warm breeze caresses my face: bringing in the scent of early mornings.The sand is becoming more damp beneath my palms. I no longer feel the sand, but the pleasant flow of water around me. I am no longer crawling, but floating languidly on my back, letting the water take me away. Fear or confusion does not fill my mind. It feels right, as if I’m meant to be here, as if the water has been waiting for me my whole life. I have found what I’m searching for. The darkness around me shatters like broken glass, and light streams in blinding me. My eyes open to see the water I am floating on is clear. Clear as the restless water dancing in between trees. My curiosity takes over, I hold my breath, and everything is dark again.
“Mackenzie!! Wake up,you’re going to be late for school!” my mom calls from downstairs. I groan and roll over so that I’m looking out my window to the ocean. The sight of the rolling waves brings me back to my dream and I give a little gasp. The dream felt so real, if I close my eyes I can still see everything perfectly. I can’t get over the feeling the water gave me, it seemed to wash away all my worries leaving me with a feeling of serenity. I wish I could go back to the dream and experience it over again but right now I have to get ready for school. After I’m done getting ready I walk downstairs to find my mom sitting at the kitchen island reading a book. “Goooood morning mom. Whatcha reading?” “Hey honey. Oh I’m just reading one of your books, Divergent.It’s pretty good.Are you going to the beach after school?” she responds looking up from her book. “Uh yeah, I’ll probably surf for a little bit with Logan.” I say as I peel an orange. “Okay just make sure you call or text me so that I know that you’re safe.” “Sure.” I mumble
My mom goes back to reading leaving me with my half eaten orange and my thoughts. My mind drifts back to my dream. What if my dream was trying to tell me something? What’s going to happen when I go surfing today? I sit there for a good five minutes until my phone’s chime interrupts me. I look down at my phone and smile Logan, my boyfriend, texted me saying “Goodmorning my beautiful curly fry.” Curly fry was a nickname he gave to me when we first started talking because of my wild hair.Sometimes I still can't believe that Logan and I are dating, we are almost complete opposites. He’s on the football team,get’s good grades, and is just an all around good guy. I know I have my good points too but I get okay grades, don’t really play sports, and don’t have the good heartedness that seems to come so easily for him. When we first started dating I thought it would end early because of what his friends thought but so far things have been going great and both of us could care less about what anyone thinks. After I’m done with my orange and getting all my stuff together I leave my house and head off for school. The day passes in a dull blur, periods blending together. Finally the last bell rings and I head down to my locker. I slam my locker shut and I’m about to go find Logan when I feel arms wrapping themselves around my waist. Even though Logan and I have been dating for awhile I can’t help but to blush and smile like an idiot. “Hey cutie.” he whispers into my ear. I laugh and give him a kiss on the cheek, now he’s the one smiling like an idiot. “How’s your day been going?” he asks taking his hand into mine. “Eh it’s been okay.” I say nonchalantly. “ But last night I had a really weird or I guess an awesome dream.” “Really? What happened?” “It was pitch black and I couldn’t see anything but I knew I was at the beach. I was crawling towards the water and then I was floating, it felt so peaceful. Then all of a sudden a bright light came in and the water was clear, like water bottle clear. I don’t know it’s hard to explain but it just felt so real like I was actually there, yanno?” “Woah that sounds pretty wild, but yeah sometimes I have dreams like that. It’s not fun when the dream you’re having feels real and it’s a scary one.” We make our way out the building heading towards the shore talking about random stuff.
My dad had been “around” growing up. But he was never really around around. My mom always took his place. He would attend some slightly important events. Like, he came to my First Communion and one time he went to a band concert. Throughout eight years of sports, he made it to one softball game. It was understandable to me at the time because he lived an hour away. It was the same with my brother. Although he lived with us, he wouldn’t go to any of my events, he would only go if dad came. To top it off, my stepdad went to even fewer events. He had never gone to watch me perform or play a sport. He was only at my family celebrations because he lived with us. Although I saw other kids’ dads present for their children, my way of thinking was that it was normal for my family not to be there. A friend had her stepdad watching her play at every soccer game. Although sometimes I’d get slightly jealous, I learned to value the occurrence. Lindsay’s dad never missed any of our soccer games or softball games. I would always tell her how cute I thought it was, although it may not have meant so much to her, I would remind her to appreciate it. Of course I would be sad, but I would eventually get over it. The one time my brother and my dad went to my softball game was one of my happiest days. It was okay that they both missed every single soccer game I ever had, because watching me play softball for two hours that day made up for it. When I was fourteen I had what I thought was my “first boyfriend”, although now I know that that didn’t count. I would see my dad some weekends, but at that age, you don’t value your parents as much and it’s hard to want to be with them so much. My mom would constantly tell me to call my dad, but there was never anything to tell him. One time, he picked me up to spend the weekend at his house. I guess my mom had told him about my boyfriend, because he felt obligated to have “the talk” with me- a very uncomfortable situation. Soon, it was my 8th grade promotion. My dad came for this event and brought his girlfriend. As corny as it sounds, my boyfriend went too. At that time, I didn’t think anything of it-just that it was cute. Because I had to be at the school first, my bf had to be with my family. When I finally had a chance to talk to my mom- who I’ve always had a better communication with- I asked her how my dad had acted. She said that they only shook hands and that my dad had barely talked. My dad’s attitude was hard to understand. The last thing I remember him coming to was my Quinceañera party. Although it meant a lot to me that he was there, he hadn’t helped on planning or paying for it. As I started to grow up, I began to understand how little he helped financially. My dad and I shared the traditional “father-daughter dance”. This was supposed to be followed by him giving me off to my brother. Not surprisingly, my brother refused to dance with me. For me, the moment wasn’t close to what I expected and nothing close to what people made it seem like. The day my dad left to California was one of my saddest. It was a few months after my birthday. My brother and I went to help him finish packing. Finally saying goodbye made me regret every single weekend I had decided not to see him. At home, nothing changed. My brother was never there for me. I remember one time; I went into his room crying while he was in bed. I told him what had happened and he just fell back asleep. This can’t be blamed on him being a teenager because he went through things that should’ve made him grow up but didn’t. Although my stepdad was there financially for my family, he never truly opened up as a dad. I considered that these three men in my life failed in creating a bond with me. Also, they failed in setting an example for any male figures in my life.
This past summer, my dad bought my plane ticket to go visit him. I thought- maybe he really does love me after all since he missed me enough to send the ticket (although I had to constantly tell him I wanted to go see him and it took him months to finally give up on asking my mom to pay for half). Spending a few weeks with him, now that I am older, helped me realize the type of man he is. My mom had always told me how boring he was, but I couldn’t picture it being so bad. Those weeks, were actually horrible. There wasn’t much I could do with my dad. He was recently moving homes so the t.v. wasn’t even set up. I got to witness my dad as a family man. Although he was a handyman around the house, there wasn’t anything that made me feel like a family around the house. When my dad finally put a t.v. in his and his wife’s room, I was never even invited to watch it. I had wanted to grow a closer relationship with my dad- there was a lot I didn’t know about him. It was almost like talking to a wall when I tried. My dad was worse than me at having conversations. I would try hard to ask him questions that would require answers where he would express himself, but I felt that he kept a lot in. On top of him refusing to open up to me, he treated me like a child. I don’t know if it was because he didn’t witness me growing up, or he honestly thought I was immature but I hated it. My dad even judged me on the clothes I wore and criticized my mom for letting me wear bathing suits without cover ups. At my dad’s girlfriend’s family party, they both kept to themselves. I had been excited to go and meet people, but seeing how they sat away from everyone made me feel very shy. I guess I figured that this was simply the way my dad was, which was why I felt so distanced from him- he didn’t know how to build a good communicated relationship. When I think about my dad, my brother, and my stepdad, I feel confused. I don’t know if they don’t know how to show their feelings or if they don’t care to try. Now that I am a little older, I see how my boyfriend attends most of my events, because he knows how much it means to me. Now that I drive, I know that driving an hour’s distance isn’t that bad, so I think if my dad cared he would’ve been more involved. My mom is willing to sacrifice her work to come see me during an important event. It’s hard to come to a conclusion of the meaning of the relationship between the three important men in my life and myself. I figure I should simply appreciate what I get, rather than try and compare them to how they could be. I’m glad I didn’t grow up as cold as them. Thankfully, I grew up with my mom and learned from her to show my unconditional love to those important to me.
This is a beautiful piece. There is a frankness in the way it is written that really pulls the reader in. I love the fact that out of all this negatvitiy comes a positive revelation. Great job.
That night was erased from his memory, it was so vivid once but gone now. Twelve years ago, Juan brutally murdered his wife of five years. They got into a heated argument and he took a knife from the kitchen and stabbed her repeatedly. The scene was a bloody mass. He took a slower curtain and wrapped her up in it and put her body in the truck of their car. He drove for miles to an open field where he decided to bury her. He took a shovel that he stored in the back of the car and began to dig. He created a large hole and placed her body in it. He covered the hole back up and drove home. Once he got back home he cleaned the entire house it was spotless he also gathered up all of her belongings and put him in a big bag. He took all of the pictures of the two of them and anything else that showed she ever existed and got rid of them. He wanted to completely erase her. Juan made it seem like he was the only one that lived there and no one quested it he continued to live in the house for five months after he killed her then he moved to another town. He stated over and married again just one year after he killed his wife. No one reported her missing since she had no living relatives and had quit her job a few days before she was killed. Juan was the only person in her life that’s what made it so easy for him to erase her. Juan’s new life was perfect he lived in a big brand new house with her new wife and three children. He had a good job and pretty much a happy life. Juan made the lie so convincing that he believed it himself he thought see never existed. Juan lived this past twelve years in complete bliss, he was a family man. No one knew Juan’s secret but in their defense neither did Juan. Twelve years to the day a man was walking in the field where Juan’s first wife was buried with a metal detector when he saw a gold earring lying on the ground. He begins to dig when he found the body. He immediately calls 911. He tells them that he found the remains of a female in the middle of a field and it looks like she has been there for years. The police promptly began an investigation. It was almost impossible for them to determine her identity. The police finally found a way. It took them quite some time due to all the work Juan did trying to erase her. But a person can never truly be erased. They quickly tried to contact Juan but they couldn’t find him he moved and changed his identity so they couldn’t find him. He worked really hard on his lie. The police found a trace of Juan and went to take to him. He was completely caught off guard and had no idea what they were talking about. He convinced the police that he honestly had no idea. The police knew Juan was suffering from a disorder that murders get which makes that believe lies that they create. They live the lie for so long they convince themselves it is reality. Juan had to be put in an asylum because of his condition. Years later Juan remembered what he did.
“Now take a deep breath. Slowly Jenna, you don’t want it to ruin the meditation. The whole point of this exercise is to relax and by the looks of it you’re nowhere near the relaxing state.”
Maybe I could relax if you didn’t have my body in such an unnatural position, facing the green colored carpet with little hints of brown here and there to spice things up a bit. Who am I kidding I couldn’t relax even if I was in an actual rainforest surrounded by real trees and nature itself instead of fake painted-on trees and sounds coming from a machine off in the corner of the room. This place is a joke, a complete and utter joke. Well at least that’s what I thought, apparently my parents believed in this doctor’s nonsense, talking about how I can find my inner peace if I just take a couple of deep breaths. If that’s all it took, psh I’d have my inner and outer peace by now. But the thing is, I don’t and at this time of my life I need it more than ever. After all it was around the time of the year that one event happened, one event that I wish I could just forget. Just go to sleep and wake up to my brother banging on my door telling me to get up and get ready for school. To have those little arguments that always lead to laughing our asses off of how dumb we had looked or what we had said just to make the other one mad. It was those moments I missed in life, the memories in which I had of my older brother. But there was no more now, no arguments, no laughter, and no smiles, just me. I knew my parents were hurting but they didn’t seem to show it as the years go by, after all they had to stay strong not only for themselves but for me as well otherwise I would have fallen and not been able to get back up. I start to completely block out my therapist and flash back to that one day that has me put in this crazy office….It was a Tuesday, October 31st to be exact, Halloween night. Everyone was getting ready for this scary holiday, getting their costumes all ready, excited about being someone that they’re not for a night. The holiday was all about pretending, about the mysteries in which haunt our dreams late at night, simply just our imagination. Or so I thought. Some people take it a little too seriously, especially when it comes to the whole scaring routine. Usually how it works is the kids dress up they go house to house, door to door and do the whole “trick or treat” and gets candy. Well not this time, this time they went a little too far with the Halloween spirit. Instead of taking treats they were taking people, hostage. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true, well at least in my case it is. There were two, one with a height around 6’3 and the other 6’5. I still remember to this day what exactly they were wearing the night of the scene, all black with a tint of dark green, the color you would see when looking at the stems of a rose garden. The color of the thorns you so badly did not want to touch and feel the sting of the flesh that is now open. They shielded their eyes with black stained sunglasses even though it was dark outside, no sun in sight. They seemed to be hiding something, as if we saw them then all their secrets would be revealed. As if their eyes held innocence and the glasses were the only thing keeping it locked up in the darkness. They had bad news written all over them, this aura of evil that you didn’t want to cross paths with. Something was going on, I knew it.
What was I thinking? There was no reason for me to ever believe that I was right in this argument. I looked back on the moment and realized how utterly stupid this whole thing was, and how I could have prevented it; if only I had kept an open mind instead insisting that I was right.
ReplyDeleteWhy did I do that? I’m never that stubborn. I would have never done what I did or said what I said under normal circumstances. More importantly, what’s keeping me from just letting this go? It’s in the past now. Water under the bridge. Maybe it was the way I acted in my defense, which I now realize was completely uncalled for. But now I’m just writing in circles. A pretty vicious one, at that.
Let’s go back to the night before. I was working on a project for school at a friend’s house. It was normal. Everything was as it should have been. But someone mentioned something and the other said something else and it turned into this huge thing that I didn’t even want to be a part of anymore. The specifics aren’t that important. What’s important is that I let my pride get away with me, which normally never happens. But that’s what pride does, I guess. It’s almost like it makes you tie your own noose, but leads you to trust that it could never hurt you, simply because you made it. Why would anything you create ever hurt you? It owed you, no matter how dangerous it would have been to anyone else.
I guess that was my epiphany; the noose analogy. After the fact, like right now, it seems foolish to make something as dangerous as a noose and convince yourself that you can’t be hurt by it. But when you’re tying it, doesn’t it make you feel so powerful? You feel as though it puts you above everyone else. “Look what I made everyone! It may have the ability to kill you, but I made it!” You think then that everyone is in reverence of you, calling you a genius and immediately willing to concede to your every whim, but you only look like a fool. You don’t yet realize what it could actually do to you if you or someone else had the chance. The thing with tying knots like that is that they require close attention and utmost adherence to instruction. This tunnel vision prevents you from seeing that everyone else has the same power as you do; that tying a noose isn’t as hard as you might think; same with dying by it.
It’s so easy. It’s like pride actively looks for instances in which it can show itself, and the noose it’s crafted so skillfully. Like when you’re just having a casual conversation with someone you don’t necessarily know that well and your opinions are just a little too different. Or maybe like two notes on a piano that may be a little too close, and when played simultaneously, they pierce the ear with a horrid dissonance; it frustrates you that the other person might have it only slightly wrong. Why can’t they just accept this one thing? It’s so easy! All they need to do is let go of their pretensions and feel exactly how I feel because I’m right! My noose is obviously better than theirs!
Well of course, with any weapon, there comes a time when you need to put the noose away. There are better ways to make your adversaries concede to your demands, even though “adversaries” is kind of the wrong word; how about, “people who don’t agree with you”. Nice and simple. There are better ways, like acknowledging the fact that you can’t really change people. The only ones who can change them are themselves. All you can do is provide your insight peacefully and non-threateningly and possibly hope that they listen. After all, it’s their choice. For all you know, they could think you’re completely full of crap and not even bother to consider your thoughts.
DeleteEven though that’s the worst case scenario a lot of the time, there are inevitably some people who will think that way of you. That’s when you start making that noose. You start formulating ways to make them believe you’re right, no matter how outlandish. But right then, when you feel your blood pumping and your fingers contracting into a fist, as if that would reinforce your point, is where you need to remember how dangerous nooses can be, how many people they’ve killed, and how easily it can kill you. I wish I had thought of that last night. It gets hard when your tunnel vision prevents you from seeing reason, especially when you throw caution to the wind when you take out that rope. The best way to making a friend out of an enemy is to not become one yourself.
Absolutely love this. Your use of metaphor is outstanding. Stylistically, I think it is cool that you chose to go in a more non-fiction route, and it's still intriguing because it is not dry. it still has a narrative flair.
DeleteThere was no love at first sight to Dirty Dan; true love didn’t even exist to him. Still he, just like every other human, craved human affection. Who doesn’t want to be loved? D.D went around, as much as he didn’t believe in love, and searched for a life-time companion. Someone he could have fun with but not love; how can you feel something that isn’t there? Although, there was this one time where he thought he found it. Her smile lit up any room and her laugh made that room burst with sunshine. At least, it did for him. She had a sense of humor like no other and it never failed to put a smile on his face. Her name was Sam. She hated it when people called her Samantha and she wasn’t shy about letting people know that. Even though she seemed like a social butterfly, he could see her insecurities and how shy she really was. D.D could also see her flaws but he loved every single one of them. He loved her. A man who thought love could never exist in this world, and especially not for him, had found the love of his life. How often does someone get the chance to say they are with the love of their life? Not very often and, unfortunately, neither did Dirty Dan. She was also a non-believer and wouldn’t even try to believe in love for his sake. Instead of being consumed with gloom, D.D allowed himself to be consumed with phone numbers. He went from girl to girl in hopes of distraction. He couldn’t let himself think of her and the wrong done by her. Dirty Dan didn’t want to believe in love anymore, because it could only lead to heartbreak for him. As much as he didn’t want to, D.D couldn’t help but to believe in it. Every girl he went through was a girl he couldn’t possibly love, even if he gave it a chance (which he didn’t). At the rate he was going, no girl would possibly meet his standards. He was ready to give up and settle on a dog and a couple beers. One night, while he was sitting at home, his phone rang. A phone number that he feared he would never see again was calling. It was her.
ReplyDeleteD.D picked it up and listened to the other line. After only a few minutes, he was in his car and breaking multiple speed laws. He parked outside an all-too-familiar apartment building. He didn’t waste time trying to find his old spot, but sprinted up the stairs to her apartment. The door was unlocked so he burst with excitement but also rattled nerves. She was on the couch with a pint of ice cream and tears. Sam. She turned and her long hair sprawled out and down her shoulder. Tears stained her face but she still looked beautiful to him. D.D picked her up in his arms and gave her a hug that he didn’t even know he was capable of. He felt her shoulders shaking but he was too nervous to see if she was crying from happiness or not. He knew that when you love someone you love them no matter what their tears are from. So he looked at her face and saw a smile; he was so relieved. She offered him some ice cream and a seat. She was the one crying but she was acting like he was the one that needed to be taken care of. After he sat, Sam went into a very long story. Ever since they had broken up, she felt horrible. She couldn’t sleep without a guilty sensation crawling into her mind. There were a lot of times where she had almost called him, but she thought he had moved on. Sam had heard of all the girls he had “dated” and figured that she was nowhere in his mind. D.D stopped her there and told her that she was always on his mind. It was very difficult trying to get her out of his head. Sam smiled that smile that brightens up a room even if it’s dark out. That night, she had finally worked up the nerve to call him but she didn’t know what to say. When he answered, she just broke down crying. Sam lost any hope of seeing him when he hung up but then he was there holding her. Sam had never believed in love at first sight; to her there was no such thing as love. Then, she met Dirty Dan and love popped up out of nowhere. She should have realized it was love but she thought it was impossible to feel that way. One day, after she had lost the best thing she had, she suddenly realized nothing is impossible especially not love.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDelete“Wait… What? None of it is real?” Questioned young Timmy.
“My whole life up until now has been a lie.” Proclaimed Timmy.
Suddenly all of Timmy’s 8 years of life passed over and over again through his mind. Trying to put the pieces together and trying to comprehend what would happen on Christmas and every single time he put a tooth under his pillow and when he would find eggs scattered around the fields. The three instances that hit him the most was the time when he lost a tooth and his mom was checking under his pillow. It all started one night that Timmy was not feeling so well therefore had trouble sleeping any slightest movement or sound would startle him and he would wake up. He had also lost a tooth that day so the tooth fairy was supposed to come. However, he woke up to his mother lifting the pillow and looking for the tooth with some change in her hand. But of course like any other kid he asked, “Mom what are you doing? Why do you have money in your hand? And why are you under my pillow?”
“Well honey I just came back from the store, that’s why I have coins in my hand and when I was walking in I heard a strange noise so I came up to see what it was and if someone had stolen your tooth.” Timmy’s mom answered swiftly.
“Oh alright thanks mom but you can leave now because you’re scaring the tooth fairy away.” Said Timmy.
Then the second time was that I walked into my parents’ room on Christmas Eve to find them wrapping our Christmas gifts. But they said that they were not wrapping the Christmas presents that’s Santa’s job. Therefore I asked, “If it is his job why are you doing it?” But of course I got such a clever response coming from such master minds.
ReplyDelete“Oh no… the thing is… you see it is that Santa needed a little help because he has to wrap so many. But you cannot tell your friends that we help Santa because then they will get jealous that your mommy and daddy help Santa. So this is why we have to keep this little secret between us and Santa.” The last time I found something strange was last Easter when I found my dad egg handed. I was walking around a field before the hunting of the eggs started. While I was walking around I found my dad with an egg in his hand and he was placing it down and in a bag he had more eggs in it.
“Dad what are you doing are you stealing the eggs or are you placing them down?” Timmy questioned his dad.
“I would never steal eggs from the Easter bunny.” Timmy’s dad said firmly.
“So the Easter bunny is not real because it looks like you are placing the eggs down.” Timmy cried.
“No no no the Easter bunny is as real as I am it is just that he was very tired today so I was helping him place the eggs down.” Timmy’s dad explained.
That was the last straw everything was too fishy I started asking questions. I also questioned other family members if these so called “The Tooth Fairy”, “Santa”, and “The Easter Bunny” were real. But all of them gave the same answer, “Yes, they are really”; as if they were all brainwashed to give the same answer. But I came to my last resort… the internet where I found the real answer, no they are not real. So I confronted my parents today and asked them one final time and they finally gave in. This is the day when the truth came out and I found out my whole life has been a lie and I said, “Wait… What? None of it is real?” Questioned young Timmy.
“My whole life up until now has been a lie.” Proclaimed Timmy.
Gavin flinched backwards, quickly wiping his eyes and shaking his head.
ReplyDelete“Listen, I know you’re pissed at me.” Gavin kept his voice low; the door was still propped open a bit to keep it from locking, and he didn’t want anyone to hear him inside.
“You can’t blame me though. I mean, I am part of the Syndicate. How am I not supposed to help them capture you? They’re good with their prisoners , Damian, they’ll-”
Damian blocked out the rest of what Gavin was saying. His anger was beginning to empower him. This lying little prick had given him away once he was in the safety of his friends. He should have seen it coming. Glancing up and seeing that he was still babbling, Damian growled and lunged forward.
“Piss off! You know what your leader did to me? He dislocated my jaw and cracked me over the head! That was the first time he ever even saw me! Good with prisoners, they’re good at interrogating their prisoners. I trusted you and you stabbed me in the back, so just go. And while you’re gone, tell one of your big bad superiors to tell Isaac to go screw himself.”
Gavin sighed, standing up slowly and walking out of the room.
“Screw you, too!” Damian yelled, but the door slammed shut, and Damian sobbed in his prison and suffered the echoes of his own contempt.
The days passed slowly for Damian. He ate, he crapped, he cried, he thought, he yelled, and he slept. This was in no particular order, as he just did whatever he had to to keep himself occupied. He tried to do things to keep himself from going insane for a while, but he gave that up in no time. Insanity had a seductive appeal to it after spending an immeasurable amount of time in a black room with only himself to keep him company.
He’d gone delusional. It was to the point where he’d simply close his eyes and think of things that could be happening outside. All of mankind could be dead. Magi, man, Dominion, Syndicate, it could all be wiped out by now, and he was locked up missing it all. He chuckled to himself. He wondered, briefly, if the squirrels would survive. Adorable little rascals, squirrels were. He’d always thought so. They were like ninjas, climbing up trees and along wires effortlessly. Whenever there were big storms that would knock over trees, like a hurricane or tornado, where would the squirrels go? They live in trees, don’t they? So you’d think that they would all die eventually, but nope. Somehow, the squirrels keep coming back. He thought of the crazy places they could get themselves into to hide from the storms when the thought dissipated suddenly, and he was left to his hollow prison.
He awoke one day to the sound of the door being fiddled with. It seemed to be stuck, as the sound of the door being unlocked by Isaac and his men to interrogate him was made, and yet the door wouldn’t open. The sound went from a slight jimmying to the sound of a body being thrown against the door. It broke from its hinges and slammed heavily on the ground with sounds of panic and pain following. The hallway was glowing with a slight orange light that was sending shadows dancing frantically and morbidly across the walls. People were screaming in anguish and yelling to either run, get out, or to put them out.
DeleteThe base was on fire.
Into his cell rushed two figures which Damian couldn’t immediately recognize, he was still groggy from being so violently awakened. Damn, this cell really was soundproof to hold out all of that ruckus. One of them took cover behind the door and kept watch while the other shouted something at Damian as he started fiddling with his restraints. Damian couldn’t understand a word he said, he just stared groggily. Why was he so disabled? He wasn’t usually this bad after waking up, could they have drugged him?
His thoughts were interrupted by a loud shattering noise. Damian snapped his eyes to his left and saw that the man had decided to stomp on the crystal chains until they broke. The one in the doorway shouted something involving “cuffs” and “can’t use magic” and the man who shattered the restraints became more frustrated. He whipped out what looked like a Bowie knife and clicked something on the handle which, somehow, wrapped the blade in glowing, pure white plasma. He took the blade and carefully cut the cuffs from Damian with surgical precision. Damian groaned a dizzy “thank you” to his savior, who then helped him up and called over the other man who was covering the door. As they both positioned themselves under Damian’s arms, he also noticed that the one with the Bowie knife had a large metal pole on his back, and the other had a sniper rifle on his back and a revolver in the other.
They helped the hobbling Damian through the doorway and were immediately overcome by the smoke and heat filling the base. Damian could finally make out what people were saying, but the base was so loud with screams and cries for help that in his mind he wished to be locked up again. The three wandered around hallways and tried to keep low to avoid inhaling too much smoke.
“We have to find the elevator, now!” A strangely familiar English accent spoke.
“Never use elevators in a fire! have you ever been part of a drill?” Scolded the other, eerily familiar voice. They both sighed with distress as they continued to wander through the halls. Eventually they came upon the doors to the main headquarters, but gunfire could be heard. The two blurs of men looked at each other, unsure of what to do.
I think this is the best excerpt you've submitted so far. I love "echoes of his contempt." There is so much insight into the experience here, and, as always, a great sense of humor. Very entertaining and intelligent writing.
DeleteChase was captain of the football team, he was class president, he was at the top of his class in academics, and he had a full ride to the University of Notre Dame. He lived in an enormous house with his perfect family, living his perfect life. That is exactly what it was, he was perfect. Not to mention his beautiful girlfriend who was the captain of the cheerleading team. Everything was going just great, until one day things changed. Chase and his girlfriend Amy were out one night with some friends at a restaurant. Their waitress was a girl who went to their school; she was quiet and kept to herself. She really only interacted with her friends and the other kids in the band. Sam was not like Amy at all, and maybe that is what caught Chase’s eye. When he saw her that night, he was not positive about whom she was, where she lived, anything about her, he did not even know what her name was. All Chase knew was that she was different, and he liked it. He went through yearbooks, class pictures, anything he could get his hands on he took. Finally he came up with the name Sam. Every day after that, all Chase could do was admire her from a far. He knew he could not do anything about Sam because he was with Amy. He did not even know what Sam thought of him let alone if she liked him. So one day he came up with an idea. He was going to write to her anonymously and hopefully she would respond to them. He wrote out the first letter telling her about how beautiful she was and everything that he admired about her and found where her locker was and just slipped it through. Then he had to wait for her to get the letter and he had to pray that she would answer it, simply because Chase was dying to talk to her even though it was anonymous. He did not care, he just wanted some type of interaction with this girl that he felt he could never have. He was so worried about what his friends would say if he dated a girl like that or what the guys on the team would say, he was so self-conscious about this and did not know what to do. It worried him so much that he stopped doing what made him happy. He let Amy take complete control of him and he hated it. So finally, he told her how he felt and told her what needed to happen. She could not believe that he broke up with her. She felt that she had some sort of right to be with Chase because she was “popular.” He was so relieved about what he had done. Now the only thing he could do was wait for a response from Sam, and he got one. She thanked him for the comments and said it was so sweet and nice, but she wanted to know who it was. Now Chase had a decision to make. He had to decide if he wanted to do what his heart was telling him to do, or was he going to do whatever was going to hold up his reputation. He thought about it for a long time and eventually realized that he did not care what anyone else thought of him. It is not their lives so what does it matter to them? So Chase wrote to Sam a few days later telling her to meet him in the gym after school and she would find out who it was. He slipped the note in her locker and waited for the final bell to ring. He sat nervously in the gym waiting, hoping that she would show up. About five minutes later, the door opened and she walked in. As she approached him, she seemed confused. “Chase? You are the one who have been writing these letters? Why would you do that when you have Amy? Why would you even think about a girl like me regardless? You are literally perfect in every way, shape and form!” She explained.
ReplyDeleteChase sat there for a second unsure of what to say. He then responded with, “Amy and I broke up. Ever since then you are the only thing that has been on my mind. Trust me, a lot of things may have worked out for me in my life but I am far from perfect. Besides, in my eyes, all I see YOU as is perfect.”
ReplyDeleteAs soon as he said that, something just clicked in Sam’s head and she had this feeling in the pit of her stomach and she knew he was not lying. She had no proof, just words and a gut feeling, and that was all she needed. The weekend passed and Chase and Sam walked into school that Monday hand in hand. As they walked through the doors it seemed like everyone had stopped and turned to them. Chase did not care, although Sam was a little hesitant. They kept walking until a guy on the football team said something. “Dude, what are you doing with her?” He uttered ignorantly.
Chase turned to him with eyes of fury. He looked at Sam and then back at the kid. “You know, when you stop caring what people think of you, I found out that it is so much better than feeling like you have to please everyone all the time. You know something else; you should probably try it some time.” He said confidently.
Chase turned back to Sam, took her hand and continued walking down the hallway.
Excellent job. You did a great job of executing the assignment. Your narrative is entertaining, and has a lot of heart. Sounds like someone's been watching a lof of The Fosters.
DeleteAnother day I wake up attempting over and over again to open my eyes. It felt like it took several centuries to open my eyes. Finally I opened them and the world never looked so dark to me before. I dragged myself off my bed felling like a zombie had taken over my body. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt like my eyes were black. I have never had that much trouble trying to sleep in my life. I continuously turned in my bed feeling like I had someone in my room that was ready to come after me. Then once I finally feel asleep I would continuously get up feeling hot. It came to the point that I was sweaty and felt very lightheaded. Something was bothering me but I couldn’t tell what it was. Then I finally fell to sleep and then the worst thing had to happen, I had to finally wake to get ready to go to school. I took a nice cold shower to wake myself up. It didn’t help much because I could feel my eyes slowly closing. I grabbed an apple when I was done getting ready and walked outside. My friends were waiting for me like usual. I got to school and went to my locker. I then felt someone come up to me and grab me by my waist. I felt a kiss on my cheek and I turned to see that it was my boyfriend Daniel. I hugged him and went back to collecting me things.
ReplyDelete“So are you ready for tonight?” He asked me.
“What’s going on tonight?” I asked him.
“Don’t tell me you forgot.” He said.
“I didn’t forget it’s just that I have a lot of things going on. Please tell me I had a horrible night. Tell me please.” I pleaded.
“Our date.” He murmured.
“I remember I will be ready by seven. You see once you refresh my memory there is no problem. Sorry I forgot but like I said I have so much happening with me lately. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I assure you that in a week I will be back to my old self.” I assured him.
He gave me a light kiss and I closed my locker. He grabbed my hand and we went to our first period class. Our first few periods went by very quickly and now it was time to go to lunch. I sat with my boyfriend and our friends: Mike, Rebecca, Andrew, Christina, and Oliver. I sat next to Oliver and Daniel. Daniel was never happy that I would sit next to Oliver because even though we were still friends Oliver had a crush on me. Mike and Rebecca were together just like Andrew and Christina were together; I swear they have been together since they were like five years old. Daniel was the jealous type which came with its advantages and disadvantages. I knew that he cared about me but at times he would become very violent and try to fight the other guys that would flirt with me. This almost happened with Oliver. Oliver was at my house because he had just broken up with his girlfriend. Him and I have been friends for more time than anyone else in my table. Our mothers were best friends. So we grew up being almost like brother and sister. I don’t look at him like anything else but a brother. Well Daniel and I had a date that night but I told him what happened with Oliver. Daniel decided to postpone our date to help out our friend. Oliver and I were in my backyard and I put my head on his shoulder thinking about the good old times. He reached his arm over me and I pulled back shaking my head knowing that this was not okay. He grabbed my cheek and pulled myself to him and he kissed me. I pulled back and slapped him. He held his face and we heard a cough come from the gate. I looked over and saw it was Daniel. I stood up and Daniel came charging and threw Oliver to the floor. I threw myself covering Oliver making sure that he didn’t get another punch. Daniel looked at me and stopped. From there on Oliver and Daniel have had a tension between them.
“So you guys, my girl and I are going out tonight.” Daniel said while putting his arm around me.
DeleteHe kissed me and we got booed by our table. I laughed and ate a grape while holding onto his hand. Oliver never looked at Daniel and I whenever we made a sign of affection. I looked over to Oliver and he gave me a sweet smile. Ever since what happened him and I are not that close anymore. I feel bad but then again I don’t. Before I knew it lunch was over but like always I wasn’t truly paying attention to what the group was saying. I’ve been so distracted lately. My stepfather had been fired from his job and so has my mother. Things are tight in my household and I don’t know what to say or do to make anything better. Each class went by and I truly didn’t care. In just a blink of the eye school was over and I was happy. I just wanted to go to sleep once I hit my bed and then go out with my boyfriend and look forward to this weekend.
I went to my locker and noticed that my boyfriend was walking over my way. I closed my locker and leaned against it looking at him smiling. He made a couple of silly faces and I couldn’t help but laugh. He made my day and helped me forget about everything that was happening in my life. He walked over to me and kissed me. He grabbed my hand and we headed towards his car. Him and I decided that he was going to drive me home today. When we got to my house I climbed out to his car and went to his window. He lowered it with a questioning look. I leaned in and kissed his cheek and went inside my house. I looked outside the window to see if he was still there and he was holding his cheek smiling. I giggled and I went on my couch. I turned on the television and covered myself up with a blanket. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off into my own world.
“Rachel! Open up the door. Please we need to talk.” I heard a distant voice.
I slowly opened my eyes and squinted trying to see what was happening. I looked over to the clock and it was five it was too early for my boyfriend to come. He probably was going to come early to hang out with me. I slowly got up and went on my feet. I then headed towards the door and opened it. In front of me was Oliver. I was surprised and let him in. I turned on the lights and walked to the opposite side where he was sitting. I offered him a drink but he denied me and said that he had to tell me something really quick and that he would be on his way. I saw him continue to fidget. It was starting to get me nervous. I quickly composed myself and reached over and touched his hand.
“Tell me.” I told him.
“Rachel. I know that from what happened with you and I our relationship has never been the same again. Well I want you to know that I will wait for you. Once you and Daniel break up I will be here with open arms waiting for you. I love you and I will never stop loving you. You mean everything to me. So please come with me and forget about Daniel. All he will bring into your life is tragedy. Please let me prevent that.” He told me.
“Oliver stop. You have to leave. I love Daniel with all my heart and he loves me. You have to leave or we will no longer be friends. I don’t want the same thing that happened with Daniel to happen again.” I told him.
I looked at him with anger coming out of my eyes and saw that Oliver got up and left. I locked the door behind him and looked at the time it was five thirty. I quickly ran upstairs to get ready. Time went by quickly and before I knew it the clock said it was seven. I finished my hair. I loved the way I looked. I had a tight black dress with red vibrant heels. I had a smokey eye with a light subtle lipstick. I had cross earnings that I have been dying to get since I was ten. My hair was curled and my nails were French tip. I thought I looked hot and I went downstairs right in time. Daniel was knocking on the door. I opened it up and he was in a very nice outfit. He kissed me and held out his hand. I giggled and took it and left my house. I went into his car and we went to the nice restaurant that he has been telling me he has saved up for. We got escorted to our table. Our food came and the night seemed perfect. There was nothing better than this. Right when I thought that we were about to leave I saw that Daniel gestured me to sit. He grabbed his cup of water and made sure everyone in the restaurant was paying attention to him. He looked at me and I saw that his eyes were starting to water. I grabbed my chest feeling my heart was falling deeper in love with this person. I tried to hold back my tears feeling that what he was about to say was going to be something touching.
Delete“Thank you everyone for your attention. Well this lovely lady that you see sitting in front of me is my girlfriend. We are seniors in high school and since my freshman year we have been going out. Well she has made my time in high school unforgettable. We fight and we laugh but most importantly we love each other. I remember the first time I was going to tell her that I loved her. I was so nervous of her reaction. Then I remember grabbing her cheek after a big fight and wiping away the tear that I made her shed. I was disappointed in myself that I made someone that meant everything to me cry. I took a deep breath and kissed her and told her I loved her. This relationship has had its up and down. But tonight I want to make something special. Today is our anniversary. I think she probably thinks I forgot about it and hasn’t brought it up, but I will never forget this special day where I got to be with the girl that I love. In front of all of you tonight I would like to say that Rachel I love you with everything I have. I would like to give you this necklace that conations a picture of your father and grandfather, people who were very special in your life. I know their death was very hard for you to cope with, but here is something that I know that will help you keep them with you forever. Happy four year anniversary. I love you. Thank you for your time everyone.” Daniel said chocking back his tears. He held out his arms and I threw myself into them and kissed him. Everyone behind us began to clap. I giggled and he put on my jacket and left the restaurant.
“I love the gift Daniel. My favorite part was the speech. That’s something I will never forget. I love you.” I told him.
“I knew you were going to like the gift. So I know that we were going to exchange gifts so stop putting off the gift and give it to me. I’m eager to see what you got me.” He told me.
“Oh my. I forgot about our anniversary. Should I tell him? I forgot to get him a gift. I have had so many things happening in my life that I completely forgot.” I told myself in my head.
I took off my necklace and held out my arm. Daniel pushed it back and nodded his head.
“You forgot didn’t you?” I shook my head, “At least this year I didn’t forget. I completely understand. I know you are going through many things. Your mother and I talked. I’m just happy you are still by my side that’s all I ask for. I love you. Don’t put yourself down.” He told me.
“I promise I will get you something.” I said after giving him a kiss. I put on the necklace and knew that everything was going to be okay.
Great story, but please go back and look at all of the errors you made in the area of punctuation. There are so many errors that it is very hard to read.
Delete“Ahhhh!” I screamed as my fist went through the wall. The plaster caved under the weight of my blow. My hand ached, but it felt good, or at least it felt better than the rest of me did.
ReplyDeleteWhy me? It was a question I’d asked myself frequently throughout the course of the past few years, but today I really wanted an answer. Why me? For the first time something had finally been going right in my life, and then it somehow managed to slip through my fingers.
She’d come into my life almost two years ago, and she was perfect. For once I had someone to care about that wasn’t me. She helped me fix myself and I helped her to fix herself, we were one another’s rocks. We held each other up when everything around us came tumbling down.
She made me a better person. I wasn’t a good guy when we first started dating, and she changed that. She made me into the person I’d always wanted to be.
But in the last couple of years I wasn’t the only one who had changed, she changed too, and not for the better.
We both had messed up lives, and both came from messed up families, and we’d always been able to help each other through it. Everything changed the day her grandmother died though. Her grandmother was her best friend, and she’d taken her own life. When she left this world, she took a piece of her granddaughter with her, a piece I was never able to put back.
I remember going to the wake. I’d never been to a wake before, and I hadn’t met most of her family, but I went anyway to show my support. I held strong and said hello to everyone, but she just stared blankly at the casket, stone faced, like she wasn’t even really there.
It took her awhile, but eventually she did start to get better, and things were almost normal again. I was happy, I had her, but I didn’t realize that I had already begun to lose her.
The day before prom was the first time she uttered the words “I think we need to break up.”
It was so sudden, and I didn’t really know what to say. She’d said it so carelessly like it didn’t even matter. I tried desperately to get her to explain why, but nothing she said made sense.
“Just tell me what I did wrong,” I begged.
“Nothing. You didn’t do anything wrong. Just forget I said anything. We’re taking pictures here tomorrow right? I’ll be over at six.”
And that was it; she just got up and left my room without saying anything else. The next night was as if nothing had even happened. We had a nice night, and she looked beautiful, and as much as I wanted to be happy I couldn’t be, because for the first time, I realized that the smile she wore on her face was just for show. It wasn’t real anymore, and hadn’t been real for months.
We broke up shortly after summer started. I remember how empty I felt not having her, and how hard it was not understanding exactly why weren’t together.
ReplyDeleteI did my best to leave her alone for as long as I could, but eventually I cracked.
“Hey,” I whispered into the phone. “Do you think I could come over and get my jersey back?” I didn’t really care about the jersey; I just wanted a chance to see her.
“Sure,” she said. “Can you come now?”
My heart practically leapt out of my chest. “I’ll be right there.” I said.
When I got to her house she was waiting for me in her doorway. I said hello, but she only smiled in response. She led me upstairs to her room where the jersey was laying spread out on her bed.
As I went to pick it up she put her hand on my arm. “I miss you,” she murmured.
I turned and looked down at her, the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. There were tears forming in her eyes.
She opened her mouth and visibly forced out the words, “I’m so sorry. I just-.”
“I love you,” I said stopping her. I took her face in my hands and brought it to mine.
We were together again for another few months. They were the last months we’d ever spend truly together. Once again I was happy, but not as happy as I had been when we were first together. I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel that way again, but every day I hoped that I would.
In November the unthinkable happened.
“She’s cheating on you.”
I dropped my phone into my lap. I hadn’t really been paying attention until he said that. “What did you say?”
My friend licked his lips and his eyes faltered from mine. “Listen man don’t get mad at me, I just thought you should know.”
“You’re wrong.” I said exasperated. “Where did you hear that bullshit?”
“I’ve just been hearing it, that’s all. Look I wouldn’t say anything if I wasn’t sure it was true.” His eyes met mine.
When I went home that night I couldn’t sleep. It told myself over and over that it couldn’t be true. It couldn’t possibly be true. She’d never do that. Would she?
There was only one way to find out. A friend of hers that she hung out with often was someone I knew very well. This girl and I go way back. We’d been friends for a long time and I knew she’d never lie to me.
“Samantha, I need to ask you a question,” I said over the phone. I was pacing back and forth across my room.
“What’s up kid?” she asked.
“Why didn’t you tell me she was cheating on me?”
There was a long pause on the line and my heart stopped. “I-I only just found out. I just… I didn’t think it was my place to say anything.”
I couldn’t listen anymore, and in anger I whipped my phone against the wall. It shattered and pieces tinkered all over the floor. But I didn’t care. As quickly as my anger had come it was gone. I didn’t feel anything, I was already numb.
When I finally confronted her about it, she didn’t even deny it. She didn’t even seem to feel bad. There was no apology. She was just didn’t care, and that made me even angrier.
For the next couple of months, I wasn’t myself. I had trouble eating and I lost a lot of weight. I drank a lot. I just wanted to forget, and when I was sober, I remembered it all.
I fell to pieces and nothing could fix me. I was lost and I couldn’t find my way.
By June, I still wasn’t over it. I felt empty still, but at least I was functioning.
Then one night at a party, I saw her.
“Hey,” she said in passing, her smile was bright, just the way it used to be.
I couldn’t open my mouth to speak and she walked into the other room.
It didn’t take long before we both broke down and talked to each other. It was hard to believe that after all this time we were still so in love with one another. We decided to take some time and try to work things out. Maybe, we thought, if we could just take things slowly, it would all work out in the end.
The thing about this time though, is that I was glad to have her, but when I was with her I didn’t feel that happiness anymore. It was replaced by anxiety. The happiness was replaced with an obsession to keep her and a fear of losing her.
ReplyDeleteI was afraid of losing her, and now I had.
The night before the fourth of July we were at a party at our friend’s house. She was acting a little strange but I wasn’t worried, not at the time.
Then I saw Samantha. You could tell by her face that she was upset, she’d never been very good at hiding her emotions.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her.
She gave me a look that I was surprised didn’t kill me right on the spot. “Nothing,” she snapped and stormed off out the door.
I followed her. “Come on Sammy, just tell me what’s wrong.”
She stumbled, obviously a little drunk. “Just leave me alone,” she said walking around to the front of the house.
I caught up to her, grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around. “Samantha just tell me what’s wrong.”
She looked away for a second and then sat down on the step outside the front door. She took a deep breath and then just started uncontrollably rambling. It was hard to understand her. She was talking fast and slurring her words to the point where she was almost inaudible.
“Of course she has to be here,” she said throwing her hands up in the air. She continued to talk, and then she said something that caught my attention. “And I was with Jon, and then I felt bad because I thought Allie would get mad because she likes him and-.” She stopped, her eyes wide and looked up at me.
She likes him? Allie? My Allie? For a moment I was frozen, and then before I could even think I was storming through a crowd of people. I’d never been so angry before in my life. I wasn’t thinking, and it’s hard to even really remember any of it. All I know is that there was screaming and tears.
Now here I am, alone in my room; knuckle throbbing and heart aching.
But the longer I sat, the calmer I become.
The thing is, there was no denying that I loved this girl. She made me happier than anyone in the world ever could. But she also crushed me without even thinking twice. I knew I’d have feeling for her forever, but how could I not? The problem was that she was messed up, and in her eyes, I was no longer the one who could help her. I loved her, but I didn’t need her, not anymore.
My phone buzzed and I saw her name pop up on the screen. It was her. I took a deep breath and hit ignore.
The screen was blank and I was the only one in the room, but suddenly it didn’t really feel so lonely. I lay back on my bed and looked up at my ceiling. For the first time in a long time, it felt good to just have some time to myself.
The progression of things here is so realistic. The spectrum of emotions your central character experiences really echoes with truth. I like this very much. Beautifully unfolded.
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ReplyDelete“Class, please give your attention to the board for a moment; I have some literary terms up that I would like you to define.”
ReplyDeleteI look up to the board and I see three vocab words scribbled across the board in Mr. Hatton’s horrible handwriting. The rest of my tenth grade English class attempted to lift their heads just enough off the desk along with me to see what Mr. Hatton had for us to define today.
“Irony, Allusion, and Epiphany.” Mr. Hatton slowly read allowed as if we could not pronounce the words ourselves.
A couple people snicker. Mr. Hatton’s definitions are always words that we already know. But Epiphany was a word that I had heard of but never truly understood. It had a nice ring to it.
Then the bell rang and Mr. Hatton attempted to call out to us to write the words down. However, no one was too worried about the “assignment” that he wouldn’t check and would give us the answer to the fallowing day.
That afternoon was a normal one; arrive home, bring in the mail, help my siblings with homework, do a little of my own, and then head down for dinner. Nothing special. Aside from dinner; which was always delicious. My dad was the owner and head chef of a restaurant in town, and he always claimed that we were eating food that had been picked at and sent back, or dropped by a waitress on the way to the table; but we all knew that he had made the dinner special, just for us. There are six of us; my father, my mother, myself and my triplet sisters. My mom cannot cook. She sometimes jokes that this is the sole reason she married him.
After dinner I helped get my siblings ready for bed and my mother reads them a bedtime story. Normally I sit in and act out the story for them to keep them interested, but today I decide to actually do my English homework and look up the key terms.
“Dad?”
“Yes son?”
“is the internet fixed?” Pause. I hear my mom stop reading, awaiting his answer
“Um, yes…it is?”
He was supposed to have set it up months ago. All he needed to do was hire the guy that set up the wireless connection for the customers at his restaurant. I really hope it is working. I go onto my computer and click the internet icon and I immediately regret wasting my time with it in the first place.
“Dad?”
“Yes..”
ReplyDelete“Do we have a dictionary?”
“Is the internet working?” My mom chimes in.
“Sure” I mumble just loud enough so she can hear. I don’t really want to rat out my dad but it is also a bit frustrated that he did not fix this.
“It’s in the basement. I think on the shelf down there with all of my cookbooks from college. Or maybe in the closet”
Thanks dad. We have four closets in our basement, by the way.
So this is what our basement actually is. Only half of it is finished. The other half is all storage and it has two closets in there, one with a pantry and one that somewhat hides our sump pump and furnace. Most people wouldn’t actually build a closet around their sump pump and furnace. But my mom did not want to look at it when she has guests over; because apparently they spend all of their time while visiting looking at the back corner of our unfinished basement. Anyway unless someone is playing a practical joke, I don’t really think the dictionary would be in there. The pantry also has some of my dad’s old cook books, so it could be with them, but I don’t really want to look there yet since I am not wearing socks and the floor is cold back there. So instead I check the bookshelf we have. There is a small thesaurus and dictionary that I got in second grade, and when I look, it does not have any of the definitions that I need.
Next I check the closet on the finished side in our basement. This one has games, and when I check, no dictionary. I debate for a moment whether or not I should run upstairs to get socks. Then I have a great idea. I will grab the small pillows from the basement sofa to slide on in the back. That way my feet won’t freeze when I am looking for the dictionary. I grab the pillows and slowly slide towards the closet door. It takes forever but at least my feet aren’t cold. Halfway there I start to think about how stupid this is. And when I finally get to the door I suddenly realize that I don’t care what the definition of epiphany means. I hop off the pillows, snatch them up and make a run for the door. It’s time to act out some bedtime stories.
This is very clever, and funny at the same time. I really like this. When you focus, you really put out good work.
DeleteMy family tells me to quit, my friends tell me to quit, and everyone says it’s bad for me, and I know it is, but I just think we are all going to die who cares. I finish a pack of cigarettes in two days. I read all the warnings on the sides of the pack, but nothing fazes me, we are all going to die one day no one knows when, but why should I stop now considering I only have one life, and I want to enjoy something that makes me happy. I have been smoking since I was 18 ever since then I have not gone a day without one. I know smoking is bad for you and I should quit before it kills me, but I don’t want to, even if I do quit I already killed myself enough with all the smoking I have done. There is a 10 mile run for charity next week and I have signed myself up for it. I told all my family and they all keep saying that it’s not a good idea because of so much smoking I have done I will never make it to the end, but they will still come to support me. I really don’t care what they have to say about me smoking and how I won’t finish, I know I can finish I feel great even with all the smoking I do. I even told my coworkers about the 10 mile run I’m doing and they all just gave me strange looks, but still said I hope you do well. Before I could complete signing up I had to get a psychical to make sure my body can handle the run. The doctor did a normal psychical to make sure my lungs were ok to handle it because he knew I was a smoker. I went to the hospital and had the x-rays done and they sent them over to the doctor. The doctor called me in the next day to show me the results. As I sat there he looked at the x-rays and then looked at me and said if you don't quit you will die sooner than you think, your lungs are slowly shutting down and anymore smoking will change the way your lungs look and work. I sat there and just looked at it. He told me I could do the run, but I better stop smoking and take it easy on the run. I walked out of the doctor’s office and lit a cigarette as I smoked it I just looked at it.
ReplyDeleteIt didn't really faze me what the doctor said he probably was just lying to me. I never told my parents or anyone what the doctor said to me because I know they would do everything they could to get me to stop and I didn't want to. It was the week of the run. I didn't stop smoking I still smoked the same way I did every day since I was 18. As each day ended I kept in the back of my mind what the doctor said to me that day. The morning of the run I got up early got ready and went to the store to get a new pack of cigarettes then headed to the run. Once I got there I smoked one cigarette before getting my number and getting ready. As the other runs walked by they looked and turned their head and talked. I heard some people say is he crazy, I heard others say I hope he doesn't plan to finish well, and I heard other people say he's not even going to get a mile. I just laughed and continued. I got my number and was set to run. I felt the adrenaline running through my body and as I heard the words go I was on my way. I was doing great keeping up with everyone and faster than ever. As I got up in miles I felt my body slowing down. It became harder to breath and harder to continue. By the 9th mile I was failing. I was in last and to the point I was going to collapse, but I kept going. Everyone else was finished by the time I crossed the line. My heart was racing, I couldn't breathe, and I was on the ground gasping for breath. I looked up and saw my family panic and that's the moment I realized I need to stop smoking. My family, friends, and doctor were all right I need to stop before I killed myself sooner than I should. The next day I saw my doctor and talked to him about quitting and from that day forward I did not have another cigarette.
DeleteI remember looking at her and talking to her like it was nothing. I thought that I was just talking to the same person I always have for as long as I can remember. I watched her walk into my house and take off her coat. I remember her sitting on the couch and turning on the T.V. and everything just seemed right, but the problem was, that it wasn’t right.
ReplyDelete“Hey sweetie,” My Aunt was saying as she ran up to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
“Hi Aunt Diane,” I said back and I slowly walked up to her. Aunt Diane was my godmother, another person I looked up to because she was always there for me. Aunt Diane grabbed on to me and didn’t let me go and I was trying to break free. Aunt Diane did this to everyone, not just me and I watched her go around and grab and kiss everyone. Then I watched her seem so happy and loving, something I was always used to seeing from her.
Aunt Diane made her rounds and I was sitting with my cousin, Jake. He was telling me about his birthday coming up and what he wanted for his birthday. Jake was so funny when he would ask me for things because he thought I was his Aunt and that’s how he grew up to know me.
“Auntie Kirsten,” Jake said in an almost whisper voice.
“Yes Jake,” I responded back.
“Can you get me a toy truck for my birthday? I really want one and I asked my mom and she said no,” Jake asked me.
I told him that I would think about it and I would let him know. My Aunt Diane walked up to me and she asked me what Jake was saying and I told her it was what he wanted for his birthday. She then told me that I should give it to him because no one is getting him a toy truck for his birthday. I told her that I would get it for him and she then smiled and gave me a kiss and I left.
About a week went by and it was Jake’s birthday party. I noticed my Aunt Diane first and I walked up and gave her a hug and a kiss. I went to go find Jake and give him a big kiss. I found him among all the other kids who were playing with him. He saw me and ran up and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. Jake was so excited to see me and he asked if he can open the present I got him, but his mom said no and he had to wait.
The party went on and on. I then sat down on the couch and watched the T.V. that was blaring over everyone. Aunt Diane came over and sat down next to me.
“Are you having a good time,” she tried to talk over everyone who was talking.
“Yes I am. Just a little tired. I had to work today” I then said to her.
“How was work?” she then asked
“It was fine.” But in reality it wasn’t. I had a horrible day and nobody even bothered to ask. My dad came into my job and made a big scene. I wouldn’t be surprised if they decided to fire me.
“I can tell something bad happened at work. But I’m not going to ask what happened. But I can promise you one thing, sweetie. Everything is going to get better. It might not seem like it now, but I promise it will. You are going to keep working, your dad will grow up, and you are going to be happy. I can’t say how soon it will happen, but it will happen. I promise sweetie.” Aunt Diane always gave advice like that. It was just something she would always say but then she continued, “But sadly I won’t be here to see it. I won’t be able to watch you guys grow up and I’m really upset about that.”
“What do you mean Aunt Diane?” I sounded as if I was completely confused, probably because I was. Aunt Diane shrugged it off and said “I know I won’t be here to see it.”
DeleteTears came to my eyes and I said that she shouldn’t say that stuff. Aunt Diane smiled and gave me a kiss and grabbed me. She pulled me into a hug and whispered that she loved me. She then got up and started to talk to everyone else. I walked away. After the party was over, I went to go and find her to say goodbye, but I couldn’t find her. So I said goodbye to Jake and walked out of the house.
We finally got home and my brother and sister ran up to their rooms. I walked into my mom’s room and she was sitting on the bed in tears. I asked her what was wrong and she struggled to tell me what was going on. Then finally she said it “Aunt Diane passed away last night sweetie.” I said that she was lying because I had a conversation with her today. My mom then told me that I didn’t because she passed away last night. I then realized that I wasn’t talking to Aunt Diane, I was talking to her spirit and that scared me. My mom gave me a hug and I began to cry.
Later that night I walked into my room and I laid down. I woke up in the middle of the night and I looked around and my Aunt Diane was standing near the door. She then smiled and walked out of my room. It was the last time I saw her.
Alternate Assignment:
ReplyDeleteIts dark and cold, that’s all I know. I can't see my hand in front of my face. I grope the floor searching for clues of my surroundings, and find that it’s made out of soft, mushy sand. The sand squishes between my fingers as I crawl searching.... searching for...something. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. The sound repeats, reminding me of a vague memory that I should know. A warm breeze caresses my face: bringing in the scent of early mornings.The sand is becoming more damp beneath my palms. I no longer feel the sand, but the pleasant flow of water around me. I am no longer crawling, but floating languidly on my back, letting the water take me away. Fear or confusion does not fill my mind. It feels right, as if I’m meant to be here, as if the water has been waiting for me my whole life. I have found what I’m searching for. The darkness around me shatters like broken glass, and light streams in blinding me. My eyes open to see the water I am floating on is clear. Clear as the restless water dancing in between trees. My curiosity takes over, I hold my breath, and everything is dark again.
“Mackenzie!! Wake up,you’re going to be late for school!” my mom calls from downstairs.
I groan and roll over so that I’m looking out my window to the ocean. The sight of the rolling waves brings me back to my dream and I give a little gasp. The dream felt so real, if I close my eyes I can still see everything perfectly. I can’t get over the feeling the water gave me, it seemed to wash away all my worries leaving me with a feeling of serenity. I wish I could go back to the dream and experience it over again but right now I have to get ready for school. After I’m done getting ready I walk downstairs to find my mom sitting at the kitchen island reading a book.
“Goooood morning mom. Whatcha reading?”
“Hey honey. Oh I’m just reading one of your books, Divergent.It’s pretty good.Are you going to the beach after school?” she responds looking up from her book.
“Uh yeah, I’ll probably surf for a little bit with Logan.” I say as I peel an orange.
“Okay just make sure you call or text me so that I know that you’re safe.”
“Sure.” I mumble
My mom goes back to reading leaving me with my half eaten orange and my thoughts. My mind drifts back to my dream. What if my dream was trying to tell me something? What’s going to happen when I go surfing today? I sit there for a good five minutes until my phone’s chime interrupts me. I look down at my phone and smile Logan, my boyfriend, texted me saying “Goodmorning my beautiful curly fry.” Curly fry was a nickname he gave to me when we first started talking because of my wild hair.Sometimes I still can't believe that Logan and I are dating, we are almost complete opposites. He’s on the football team,get’s good grades, and is just an all around good guy. I know I have my good points too but I get okay grades, don’t really play sports, and don’t have the good heartedness that seems to come so easily for him. When we first started dating I thought it would end early because of what his friends thought but so far things have been going great and both of us could care less about what anyone thinks. After I’m done with my orange and getting all my stuff together I leave my house and head off for school. The day passes in a dull blur, periods blending together. Finally the last bell rings and I head down to my locker. I slam my locker shut and I’m about to go find Logan when I feel arms wrapping themselves around my waist. Even though Logan and I have been dating for awhile I can’t help but to blush and smile like an idiot.
ReplyDelete“Hey cutie.” he whispers into my ear.
I laugh and give him a kiss on the cheek, now he’s the one smiling like an idiot.
“How’s your day been going?” he asks taking his hand into mine.
“Eh it’s been okay.” I say nonchalantly. “ But last night I had a really weird or I guess an awesome dream.”
“Really? What happened?”
“It was pitch black and I couldn’t see anything but I knew I was at the beach. I was crawling towards the water and then I was floating, it felt so peaceful. Then all of a sudden a bright light came in and the water was clear, like water bottle clear. I don’t know it’s hard to explain but it just felt so real like I was actually there, yanno?”
“Woah that sounds pretty wild, but yeah sometimes I have dreams like that. It’s not fun when the dream you’re having feels real and it’s a scary one.”
We make our way out the building heading towards the shore talking about random stuff.
To be continued.....
My dad had been “around” growing up. But he was never really around around. My mom always took his place. He would attend some slightly important events. Like, he came to my First Communion and one time he went to a band concert. Throughout eight years of sports, he made it to one softball game. It was understandable to me at the time because he lived an hour away. It was the same with my brother. Although he lived with us, he wouldn’t go to any of my events, he would only go if dad came. To top it off, my stepdad went to even fewer events. He had never gone to watch me perform or play a sport. He was only at my family celebrations because he lived with us. Although I saw other kids’ dads present for their children, my way of thinking was that it was normal for my family not to be there. A friend had her stepdad watching her play at every soccer game. Although sometimes I’d get slightly jealous, I learned to value the occurrence. Lindsay’s dad never missed any of our soccer games or softball games. I would always tell her how cute I thought it was, although it may not have meant so much to her, I would remind her to appreciate it. Of course I would be sad, but I would eventually get over it.
ReplyDeleteThe one time my brother and my dad went to my softball game was one of my happiest days. It was okay that they both missed every single soccer game I ever had, because watching me play softball for two hours that day made up for it. When I was fourteen I had what I thought was my “first boyfriend”, although now I know that that didn’t count. I would see my dad some weekends, but at that age, you don’t value your parents as much and it’s hard to want to be with them so much. My mom would constantly tell me to call my dad, but there was never anything to tell him. One time, he picked me up to spend the weekend at his house. I guess my mom had told him about my boyfriend, because he felt obligated to have “the talk” with me- a very uncomfortable situation. Soon, it was my 8th grade promotion. My dad came for this event and brought his girlfriend. As corny as it sounds, my boyfriend went too. At that time, I didn’t think anything of it-just that it was cute. Because I had to be at the school first, my bf had to be with my family. When I finally had a chance to talk to my mom- who I’ve always had a better communication with- I asked her how my dad had acted. She said that they only shook hands and that my dad had barely talked. My dad’s attitude was hard to understand.
The last thing I remember him coming to was my Quinceañera party. Although it meant a lot to me that he was there, he hadn’t helped on planning or paying for it. As I started to grow up, I began to understand how little he helped financially. My dad and I shared the traditional “father-daughter dance”. This was supposed to be followed by him giving me off to my brother. Not surprisingly, my brother refused to dance with me. For me, the moment wasn’t close to what I expected and nothing close to what people made it seem like.
The day my dad left to California was one of my saddest. It was a few months after my birthday. My brother and I went to help him finish packing. Finally saying goodbye made me regret every single weekend I had decided not to see him.
At home, nothing changed. My brother was never there for me. I remember one time; I went into his room crying while he was in bed. I told him what had happened and he just fell back asleep. This can’t be blamed on him being a teenager because he went through things that should’ve made him grow up but didn’t. Although my stepdad was there financially for my family, he never truly opened up as a dad. I considered that these three men in my life failed in creating a bond with me. Also, they failed in setting an example for any male figures in my life.
This past summer, my dad bought my plane ticket to go visit him. I thought- maybe he really does love me after all since he missed me enough to send the ticket (although I had to constantly tell him I wanted to go see him and it took him months to finally give up on asking my mom to pay for half). Spending a few weeks with him, now that I am older, helped me realize the type of man he is. My mom had always told me how boring he was, but I couldn’t picture it being so bad. Those weeks, were actually horrible. There wasn’t much I could do with my dad. He was recently moving homes so the t.v. wasn’t even set up. I got to witness my dad as a family man. Although he was a handyman around the house, there wasn’t anything that made me feel like a family around the house. When my dad finally put a t.v. in his and his wife’s room, I was never even invited to watch it. I had wanted to grow a closer relationship with my dad- there was a lot I didn’t know about him. It was almost like talking to a wall when I tried. My dad was worse than me at having conversations. I would try hard to ask him questions that would require answers where he would express himself, but I felt that he kept a lot in. On top of him refusing to open up to me, he treated me like a child. I don’t know if it was because he didn’t witness me growing up, or he honestly thought I was immature but I hated it. My dad even judged me on the clothes I wore and criticized my mom for letting me wear bathing suits without cover ups. At my dad’s girlfriend’s family party, they both kept to themselves. I had been excited to go and meet people, but seeing how they sat away from everyone made me feel very shy. I guess I figured that this was simply the way my dad was, which was why I felt so distanced from him- he didn’t know how to build a good communicated relationship.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think about my dad, my brother, and my stepdad, I feel confused. I don’t know if they don’t know how to show their feelings or if they don’t care to try. Now that I am a little older, I see how my boyfriend attends most of my events, because he knows how much it means to me. Now that I drive, I know that driving an hour’s distance isn’t that bad, so I think if my dad cared he would’ve been more involved. My mom is willing to sacrifice her work to come see me during an important event. It’s hard to come to a conclusion of the meaning of the relationship between the three important men in my life and myself. I figure I should simply appreciate what I get, rather than try and compare them to how they could be. I’m glad I didn’t grow up as cold as them. Thankfully, I grew up with my mom and learned from her to show my unconditional love to those important to me.
This is a beautiful piece. There is a frankness in the way it is written that really pulls the reader in. I love the fact that out of all this negatvitiy comes a positive revelation. Great job.
DeleteThat night was erased from his memory, it was so vivid once but gone now. Twelve years ago, Juan brutally murdered his wife of five years. They got into a heated argument and he took a knife from the kitchen and stabbed her repeatedly. The scene was a bloody mass. He took a slower curtain and wrapped her up in it and put her body in the truck of their car. He drove for miles to an open field where he decided to bury her. He took a shovel that he stored in the back of the car and began to dig. He created a large hole and placed her body in it. He covered the hole back up and drove home. Once he got back home he cleaned the entire house it was spotless he also gathered up all of her belongings and put him in a big bag. He took all of the pictures of the two of them and anything else that showed she ever existed and got rid of them. He wanted to completely erase her. Juan made it seem like he was the only one that lived there and no one quested it he continued to live in the house for five months after he killed her then he moved to another town. He stated over and married again just one year after he killed his wife. No one reported her missing since she had no living relatives and had quit her job a few days before she was killed. Juan was the only person in her life that’s what made it so easy for him to erase her. Juan’s new life was perfect he lived in a big brand new house with her new wife and three children. He had a good job and pretty much a happy life. Juan made the lie so convincing that he believed it himself he thought see never existed. Juan lived this past twelve years in complete bliss, he was a family man. No one knew Juan’s secret but in their defense neither did Juan. Twelve years to the day a man was walking in the field where Juan’s first wife was buried with a metal detector when he saw a gold earring lying on the ground. He begins to dig when he found the body. He immediately calls 911. He tells them that he found the remains of a female in the middle of a field and it looks like she has been there for years. The police promptly began an investigation. It was almost impossible for them to determine her identity. The police finally found a way. It took them quite some time due to all the work Juan did trying to erase her. But a person can never truly be erased. They quickly tried to contact Juan but they couldn’t find him he moved and changed his identity so they couldn’t find him. He worked really hard on his lie. The police found a trace of Juan and went to take to him. He was completely caught off guard and had no idea what they were talking about. He convinced the police that he honestly had no idea. The police knew Juan was suffering from a disorder that murders get which makes that believe lies that they create. They live the lie for so long they convince themselves it is reality. Juan had to be put in an asylum because of his condition. Years later Juan remembered what he did.
ReplyDeleteBefore I will comment on this, you need to fix it.
Delete“Now take a deep breath. Slowly Jenna, you don’t want it to ruin the meditation. The whole point of this exercise is to relax and by the looks of it you’re nowhere near the relaxing state.”
ReplyDeleteMaybe I could relax if you didn’t have my body in such an unnatural position, facing the green colored carpet with little hints of brown here and there to spice things up a bit. Who am I kidding I couldn’t relax even if I was in an actual rainforest surrounded by real trees and nature itself instead of fake painted-on trees and sounds coming from a machine off in the corner of the room. This place is a joke, a complete and utter joke. Well at least that’s what I thought, apparently my parents believed in this doctor’s nonsense, talking about how I can find my inner peace if I just take a couple of deep breaths. If that’s all it took, psh I’d have my inner and outer peace by now. But the thing is, I don’t and at this time of my life I need it more than ever. After all it was around the time of the year that one event happened, one event that I wish I could just forget. Just go to sleep and wake up to my brother banging on my door telling me to get up and get ready for school. To have those little arguments that always lead to laughing our asses off of how dumb we had looked or what we had said just to make the other one mad. It was those moments I missed in life, the memories in which I had of my older brother. But there was no more now, no arguments, no laughter, and no smiles, just me. I knew my parents were hurting but they didn’t seem to show it as the years go by, after all they had to stay strong not only for themselves but for me as well otherwise I would have fallen and not been able to get back up. I start to completely block out my therapist and flash back to that one day that has me put in this crazy office….It was a Tuesday, October 31st to be exact, Halloween night. Everyone was getting ready for this scary holiday, getting their costumes all ready, excited about being someone that they’re not for a night. The holiday was all about pretending, about the mysteries in which haunt our dreams late at night, simply just our imagination. Or so I thought. Some people take it a little too seriously, especially when it comes to the whole scaring routine. Usually how it works is the kids dress up they go house to house, door to door and do the whole “trick or treat” and gets candy. Well not this time, this time they went a little too far with the Halloween spirit. Instead of taking treats they were taking people, hostage. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true, well at least in my case it is. There were two, one with a height around 6’3 and the other 6’5. I still remember to this day what exactly they were wearing the night of the scene, all black with a tint of dark green, the color you would see when looking at the stems of a rose garden. The color of the thorns you so badly did not want to touch and feel the sting of the flesh that is now open. They shielded their eyes with black stained sunglasses even though it was dark outside, no sun in sight. They seemed to be hiding something, as if we saw them then all their secrets would be revealed. As if their eyes held innocence and the glasses were the only thing keeping it locked up in the darkness. They had bad news written all over them, this aura of evil that you didn’t want to cross paths with. Something was going on, I knew it.